The Crystals(Post a good name this one is crapy)

[Chromaticed]

Well I desided to started making and this is what I have done

Stroy Synpopsis:
It was a normal day for Lance a normal 15 year old, but something was about to change.As he was attending Raphael's graduation(Lance's little brother), the sky darkend and grownd trembled.Rapheal decided to hide in a forbiden cave where a crystal resided.Lance went for his brother, but it was to late he tuched the crystal and and he was absorbed by it.5 years later, Lance finds a book about crystals.Will he find the other crystals,Is Raphael free from the crystal, To find out play the crystal(???)

Main Characters:

Spoiler

Lance Gyardic: Lance now 20 years old, is in his search for his brother Raphael. He is now king of the region of Atheria(Note* he became king becuse the past king died without a son and lace was the only one who was related to the king in someway,He was Lance's uncle)

Basil Vonhase:Basil is the best lancer in the whole kingdom of Atheria. He was sworn to be the bodyguard of Lance

Jack:Jack is a warrior from the island of Saltaros.He is said to betray even his closest friend(He will in he game)

Emma:Emma is Lance's crush,she is an excellent sword user.Only Lace, Raphael and Jack are better than her

Main Villian:

Spoiler

Raphael Gyardic:Raphael was freed of the crystal when a set of archeologist tuched the crystal.He turned "evil' because the crystal that he tuched was the crystal of evil.His supreme purpuse get venge of crystals by distroying them

Screenshots
http://img56.imageshack.us/img56/6545/1kl9.th.png[/IMG]
http://img70.imageshack.us/img70/1948/2sa6.th.png[/IMG]
http://img428.imageshack.us/img428/6878/3ld8.th.png[/IMG]

Features:
Catrepiller Script

Slipknot messege system

Cybersams battlesystem

you know the book of crystals well only the first three chapters are there you have the choise to find the rest of the pages

Special thanks to
Tana - graphics
Wierd jappanese sitefor lots of graphics

and for many other people who made stuf in the game

Note:Everything will mostlikely change

 

[Calibre]

Don't Be so harsh on me a am new at this stuff

Does that include "new" to grammar, spelling and punctuation, because that seems the first thing you need to work on.

I assume the fact that the name of the game has "?"'s around it demonstrate the name may change, well it really needs to, because people won't even look at it due to the name connotating a cliche storyline.

 

[Me(tm)]

What a catchy title... Do soemthing about it
And I mean now. I know you are new, but you will scare people off right a way with such a title. There have been a lot of topics about it. For the rest, I have to agree with Calibre.

 

[Balore]

I concur. Change title to something less cliche. You're scaring me off.

 

[psgels]

The story's pretty decent if you consider that this is your first time working with the program. My advice to you is to keep this game very short. At your stage, you probably won't be able to finish any 10-hours-lenght games, but it will be a very good experience, enabling you to make better and more complicated games afterwards.

Well then, a few comments about the story. I'm assuming that at the time of the graduation, Lance was the prince of the country. If he wasn't, how did he become king? Also, what's the purpose of the crystals? Why is it so bad that Rafael plans to destroy them?

 

[Chromaticed]

First Post editied

Well he became king because his uncle(The King)died with no son.Since he was the only person with royal blood in him he became king

Note:Can anybody give me any good name for the game

 

[Sheldon Lee]

Well, instead of calling it "The Crystals", you could always try "The Power of the Crystals" but that's not what I recommend calling it.

 

[psgels]

You'll probably benefit from this site:

http://www.seventhsanctum.com

It has random generators for almost everything. It works great if you need inspiration for thinking up names.

 

[Calibre]

The name of your game is pretty much dependant upon some element of your storyline, though this isn't always the case, particularly with series.

I agree with psgels that you should focus on making this a short and solid game, leaving all the bells and whistles for a project in the future. Making a [good] large game takes a LONG time, a LOT of work and a SOLID understanding of the program. Use this as a learning exercise.

Generally writing a story about a crystal is the most cliche thing you can do, but if you do go with the advice of making this a test game instead, then the depth of story is somewhat irrelevant. Just make sure you put a bit more originality into the story next time, the word "crystal" will automatically turn alot of people off an rmxp game.

 

[Despain v.1]

The story's pretty decent if you consider that this is your first time working with the program.

What. You don't need the program to be able to write a good story.

 

[Saikoden]

That's true despain but, someone could write a terrific story about say, space pirates, have everything they want sorted out and then decide to make it a game so they download rpgxp. only to find out that the program lack the resources they need, so if they were a beginner they wouldnt be able to do there story straight away because they wouldnt have any of the knowledge to make the things they needed, like scripts, a spaceship or whatever.

(yes, im quite aware people can ask for these things but, im just assuming in my example that the person is a complete noob and doesnt know how to request XD)

So, i think he wrote an alright story due to his lack of resources, as i assume he doesnt have much lol.

Anyway, on to the topic. Most people wont play a game due to crystals much anymore, as it is very cliche as previously stated. However, if you found a way to incorporate crystals into the game without making it a big part then im sure some people might take interest. Take legend of the dragoon for an example, the game uses crystals/stones so that the main characters can transform into their dragoon forms, but, the story line is completely different.

I wish you luck on your game though, just change the name and some key parts of the story and people will take more interest

 

[Norris]

Note:Can anybody give me any good name for the game

How about “Taintedâ€ÂÂ

 

[Chromaticed]

How bout this

The crystals are inportant because who ever uses them grants them some sort of power(Magic )since Raphael got contact with one for about a minute or two he got lots dark energy and became "evil" now using the power of the crystal Raphael can summon an ancient demon that lives in the mountains .As the main character finds crystals he gets more powers to try to stop Rapheal to summon the demon and to turn raphael back to the inocent kid he used to be.

 

[Balian]

How about the Crystial Soul?
It seems you are new to RPG Maker. I would like to see this project completed. Don't give up on this. Build-up everything and Include a summry/plot. The game has potential.
A good plot line helps attract people. (If you lucky, they might help you )

I like this project. Keep it up!