The Crystal Grave

[Shadowstory3]

The Crystal Grave

  Story

Spoiler

You are the near last human, there are a few humans on left on Earth and Shade, the Demon Lord, has sent the assassin Alpha to slay you, but as you are in the ruins, something unexpected occurs when you both cross paths... (Thanks Heronaut)

  Characters

Spoiler

Shift
You play as shift, he is the main character,
he is 14 years old.

Alpha
Alpha is Shades assassin, he does not work with him officially.
He is not evil he just does the job.

Alex
You encounter with Alex and she becomes your partner.
Alex is also human.

Shade
He is trying to kill you, he is the overlord of the demons.

  Screenshots

Spoiler

http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc56/pivotzp/screenfour.png[/img]
http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc56 ... eenone.png[/img]
http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc56 ... nthree.png[/img]
http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc56 ... eentwo.png[/img]
http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc56 ... enfive.png[/img]

  Demo

Spoiler

Removed due to copyright.

  Things to know

Spoiler

• Things to know
  • To get more players go to the girl with purple hair and buy players. She is usually in the inn.
  • If you find any bugs please comment.

• 
  Q & A
  
  Spoiler

  Q: Who are XYZ and Shadow?
  A: XYZ and Shadow are guys I named, you can name your other two partners whatever you want.
  
  Q: Why do your guy have wings?
  A: That will be revealed in the storyline witch means I don't know yet.
  
  Q: Why is Shift alive?
  A: Cause they are killing humans off one by one and hes human, do the math!
  
  Q: How is Alex alive?
  A: This is a spoiler but the crystal grave they went through teleported them to an alternate universe. I hope to explain that better later.
  
  Please reply!

 

[Waiise]

Such a simple story, yet it looks so great, love your mapping - downloading now.

EDIT: So I downloaded it and tried it, doesn't look too bad, but the story seems shallow at the moment,
the events seem a bit unfinished and eventhough the mapping is pretty good at some places, other places
it looks less good. Keep working on it  :thumb:

 

[JD_Slasha]

Take the time to read up on this:
http://rmxp.org/forums/index.php?topic=35601.0

While you have plenty of screenshots, you're extremely vague when it comes to storyline or description. I'm giving you 24 hours to fix that up, or I'm moving this to Early Projects.

 

[Shadowstory3]

Forgive me for not taking notes on every single little rule that are totally different with every stupid little thread.

 

[006]

[*]How is Alex still alive if Shift is the last human alive.
[*]Why is shade trying to kill you?
[*]What happened to everyone else in the world?
[*]Why did Shift live?
[*]Why do you have wings?
[*]Are you a demon?
[*]Who's XYZ and Shadow(Refer to screen 2)?
[*]There are people in your screens!

These are all pretty basic questions... that you should have asked yourself. :grin:.

Note:I didn't download your demo.

 

[Heronaut]

You are the last human on earth and Shade has sent Alpha to slay you, but something unexpected happens when you both encounter in the ruins...

Spoiler: Just A Little Better

You are the last human on Earth and Shade, the Demon Lord, has sent the assassin Alpha to slay you, but as you are in the ruins, something unexpected occurs when you both cross paths...

I left myself wondering 'WTF is Shade and Alpha?!' and I almost left the topic thinking this was a noob game, but it's not. It's much better than that and something as simple as a half-assed story writing shouldn't drive people away from something as enticing as this.

 

[moog]

This story is way to elementary and leaves the mind to wander into oblivion.

Man, that one sentence was more interesting than this.
You need to provide more depth....in general. Not much has been answered, as 006 pointed out.

Forgive me for not taking notes on every single little rule that are totally different with every stupid little thread.

hahaha

aw man you are a cocky little sucker.

 

[mawk]

Don't talk back to someone who's actually trying to be helpful. If you just give people a little-shit attitude whenever they point something out, soon enough people will just start ignoring you.

As it stands, your story sounds weak. Please include a little more. Why are you the last human on Earth. How is that possible when there are clearly other people around? Why does the Demon Lord want to bother with killing a dumpy little fourteen-year-old kid? Just be more descriptive. One or two sentences is hardly going to rope people in and make them want to play.

Personally, I don't like the idea of fourteen-year-old heroes. Name a single fourteen-year-old who can beat an adult in a fight, or even hold his own against someone a couple years older than him. Besides, the sorts of stories with impossibly young heroes (unless there's actually a reason for such a young hero, like in Mother 3) are usually awful self-insertion egofests where the author makes a mary-sue character in his own image. That might not be the case here, but I've seen enough of those sorts of games to leave a bad taste in my mouth. Think about a more realistic age, maybe? Fourteen-year-old children are hardly known for their outstanding resilience in the face of adversity and their refined moral fiber.

Your maps look pretty good, so I have no complaints there.

Just tell us more about your story, and work on making it a little more interesting than just "the bad guys want to destroy you go destroy them back." I'll maybe give more critique once I've played the demo?

 

[Shadowstory3]

I have posted a Q and A, that should clear up some questions. Please play the demo before commenting, you don;t have to but the game is better then my bad excuses for a game description. I don;t have very good writing skills and this is my first game I am going to see through to the end.

 

[006]

I have posted a Q and A, that should clear up some questions. Please play the demo before commenting, you don;t have to but the game is better then my bad excuses for a game description. I don;t have very good writing skills and this is my first game I am going to see through to the end.

We shouldn't have to download the demo to know about the game, the story is what captures the viewer, he/she will mostly likely download if they like it. Plus I don't have VX.

 

[mawk]

A: That will be revealed in the storyline witch means I don't know yet.

Brilliant.

What I meant is improve your story and characters sections, by the way.

I've played the demo and I had to quit shortly after. The writing is really bad, the plot is super predictable, and, um, the writing is really bad.

Really bad.

I don't think I can describe any specific instances without my small intestine strangling my brain, but here's a bit of advice -- when you're writing dialogue, say it quietly to yourself. If it sounds ridiculous, it probably is. If it doesn't sound like something someone might say, fix it up and try again.

 

[Zammy]

I was playing your demo out of boredum, when I noticed something within a few seconds of playing.

Is there a reason you're using the music from Reives' game Quintessence? That music isn't free to use, you know...
I looked in your game's audio folder and looks like your using ALL the music from Quintessence.

*sigh*

 

[Skyla Doragono]

Removed the link to the demo.  Shadowstory, get a new soundtrack before you put it back up.