Spirit Arms Vol.1

tman · Aug 16, 2006

Colormagix · Aug 18, 2006

wow..... 0 on all aspects...

ddrfreak_bb · Aug 18, 2006

I see really bad grammar, awful composition, and a crappy, rushed job overall. You could've done way better.

0/10

I honestly am disgusted looking at these. Don't advertise until you have some talent. My 9 year old brother can draw better, and he's autistic.

tman · Aug 23, 2006

Not to be mean, but can you post your brothers drawings, and maybe some of yours, you didn't have to bash. Everyone has their own distinct style, I would apreciate critics, but that's just called being a jerk.

Andy6000 · Aug 23, 2006

tman it's not quite bashing. They're putting their opinions of your work out there, though the fun little after-critique insults weren't exactly necesary.

To be honest, I completely agree with the first half of ddrfreak_bb's post, it's just way too rushed and effortlessly done for it to garner any respect from basically anyone.

The use of crayons, not even finishing coloring inside the lines, this sort of thing is really hurting you overall. Also the completely hurried look of the lines in the pages is pretty terrible as well, at least take the effort to draw things symetrically, close lines, et cetera.

Now, if you could take the time to make all of your art look like the second piece you put up there (red tailed kid) and you'd have something to go off of. As it stands I heavily reccomend you pick up some books on drawing technique, grab some colored pencils or paints instead of crayons, and make a new start.

tman · Aug 24, 2006

They were actually done with color pencil XD, these are from last year also, so I really had no effperience, I just felt like adding color to the top pic recently.
http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/3373 ... picjt4.jpg[/IMG]

More like this? How bout....
http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/3815/scan0006jq8.jpg
http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/2857/scan0007zd6.jpg
http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/7541/scan0005hp8.jpg

I have a soft spot for these.X) These are good right? Just tell me what you think.

JD_Slasha · Aug 24, 2006

Hmmm...

PROS:
*You offer a very unique style of drawing that I haven't seen thus far.
*You've mastered facial expressions and how the head interacts with the environment.
*You seem to have planned this out beforehand

CONS:
*Very, very sloppy in many areas. Seems awfully rushed.
*You're inconsistent with your text. SOme are written out, some are typed out. My advice for you is to get the Font "Manga"... it fits mangas/comics perfectly.
*While you have mastered heads and how they react, etc, your body definitions leave a lot to be desired... work on that. You can have the bodies all small and chibi like you have em ' now, but define them more, make them more life like..
*Your coloring clashes horribly. Use MSPaint or something.

Anyways I think you have a lot of potential... your art kinda' reminds me of myself when I was younger... keep striving to improve and you'll be making quality mangas in no time..

tman · Aug 24, 2006

Thanks, and this font, manga? Do you know where I can find it, it'd be extremly helpful.X)

Sorry about the text, yaknow things are much bigger when you right em then when ya type em. I didn't want to have all that emptiness on the page. I've comeup with some new techniques to use for the second chapter. Like drawing the background seperate, and adding charecters in later, it's a technique used mainly by the writer of Naruto, it just saves a lot of time yaknow. My skills, including story telling have increased drasticly sense I drew those, but thanks anyway. Without comments like this, it's gonna be hard to continue for my dream as a Cartoonist.

Darksydaz · Aug 24, 2006

Well.. I agree... with the style... however.. you need to get the bodies down pact.... i didn't even read the comic yet... just the characters... i mean they look like they want to go somewhere... and you should use borders for your scenes... believe me it helps...

Just keep at it... eventually getting better... takes time... just work at it... oh and if not "Manga Font" you can go with Comic Sans...

That should be a standard on most computers if i'm correct...

But keep practicing... and work on developing those body muscles... he looks like a rag doll moreso than a person walking... and look at some more reference pictures other than Dragon Ball Z and Naruto... don't know if you do... but my advice is find more reference pictures and try what they do... believe me... everyone has to follow the same path to become a "great"...

Baine · Aug 28, 2006

My opinion? If you're talented at it, keep doing it. The whole Practice idea is for sh'mucks with nothing better to do than try doing something that they shouldn't be. Like, wowzers, it may work for some the whole 'practice' fa'jibby, but I doubt it'll heavily develop over time. Say, a person who does some job between the Architecture and Ar'teest section of their lives will obviously have an easier GO than others >.>

Tman, it isn't bad, but it isn't awesome either.

EDIT:
2/10 for the First One.

9/10 on the second one! Kawaii!! Even tho it's an edited version of something I've seen -_-

tman · Aug 29, 2006

um THX. 0_0, I sorta think practice works, but I also preach the everyone has their own style type thing. So I get what your sayin.

Bobot · Sep 2, 2006

Not really a fan of it/10

For the record, I really dig the way the teacher looked at one point in the first five pages, it was a really neat expression. I have major trouble accepting the tailed kid as female, if only because it seems like hair is your personal gender definition. That's really not a good thing, because all you need is one character with an exaggerated boy-mop, or a dude with short hair to throw the reader off. I'm rather bothered by the copy & paste of a Digi Charat set of eyes, as well as the eye-blindingly-bright MS Paint default colors, too. (Not digging the moobies on that one villain at the end! >_<)

Writing-wise, very no. Sakura, as a name, is a personal final-nail-in-the-coffin, and unfortunately, Tsuki is nine-tenths as bad. Why? Because I'm jaded from reading mere summaries of hundreds of badfics. With Tsukis and Sakuras and Tenshis and Akus and all that jazz. There are a thousand free spellcheckers on the 'net, so spare a minute or two to make your dialogue coherent, because it's so easy. I do it. Why don't you? I'm always willing to suspend my disbeliefs for works of fiction, but I think that for actual speech, you need to sit down and think, "Do people actually TALK this way?" Stylized speech aside, of course, because everybody doth loveth Thor.

Uh, let's go with a 3/10? (Personally, practice only works if you have critique to go with it. As long as you can see your own errors, you can improve upon them.)

tman · Sep 4, 2006

Half of the comic is a parody, Sakura is a reference to Sakura from Naruto, who also gets paired up with two guys. Tsuki meens moon and to thrust, she relates back to the moon and she likes to fight, what else to say. Tsuki's hair is big I know, she later turns out to be pretty fast so I guess she does sorta look like Sonic. It's still only the first chapter, I just got thru drawing chapter 15 last night. I plan to go back and fill all errors, when I get to like chapter 20. The hair thing, a joke reffuring to old anime and some current anime where the main charecters have unrealisticly big hair. It becomes more funny later on, you'll see. This should be read sorta like one piece, gotta be open minded. Most of the charecters talk like me, and my friends, and we don't have that great of a volcabulary:D

Bobot · Sep 5, 2006

I enjoy One Piece. I adore Gash Bell. That kind of weird is not much of an issue for me. While not the epitome of open minded-ness, I read every gosh-durn page of that.

Anyway, the problem is, I don't think that anybody in this topic can see that it's a parody, on its own. If that was a line in the topic post, I'll plug my foot firmly inside my mouth, but it doesn't even remotely resemble what you're saying. I'm taking this seriously, as an amateur's forray into the shounen genre, because it's not very funny by your intentions.

I know what all those overused names mean, and their meanings are precisely why they're overused and a total faux pas. Or something. Sakura may as well be a reference to every Sakura in every anime ever, because there IS a Sakura in every anime ever. Hence, the problem. (And I can name either five other characters Naruto!Sakura can be logically paired with, or five other Sakuras to put in her place.) Take things more tongue-in-cheek, and I can see there being less of a problem.

And on dialogue/vocab/general English: For heaven's sake, I mean people in the same demographic as your character, not more people like yourself (also: fictional characters always speak better than their counterparts, unless they're specifcally not meant to). Nobody expects the speech of Mr. PhD, but vocabulary is not only a skill for writing properly, but success past intermediate school. This is what I'm absurdly harsh about: Know how to write English decently, or GET BETTER. You're probably an American citizen, after all, no excuses.

tman · Sep 6, 2006

The way I did this, there were no auto spell-checks so that kinda sucked. Sakura does become a gag, I think it was chapter 12, when I show her house and somewhere in the house there is a hanging pic of Sauske(from Naruto) and it says first crush.

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Spirit Arms Vol.1

tman

Colormagix

ddrfreak_bb

tman

Andy6000

tman

JD_Slasha

tman

Darksydaz

Baine

tman

Bobot

tman

Bobot

tman

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