FallaciaSonata
Member
Okay, here goes.
In my introductory topic I posted when I joined, I mentioned that the storyline (and backbone) of my RMXP project is the novel I wrote. I did not copy other people's works, but I won't deny being influenced by other games and books. Isn't everyone? I just want to avoid cheesiness.
I began writing Fallacia when I was thirteen, wrote for about two years, took some time off, and finished up the editing and such in Winter 2008. Roughly a two-year project with a two year gap in-between.
I've given the story to a few family members, a couple friends, and my manager. They say it's good, (which was expected from family members), but I was hoping for some opinions.
Anyway, here is the first chapter.
I made some minor changes when I put this into RMXP. For example, Jon and Hugo are not important characters, so in the game I left their names as generic "Fat Soldier" and "Slim Soldier". By giving them names, I felt as if that would indicate an appearance later on.
The final soldier, the "rude man", I turned into a boss fight against a sentry that had been following Kireth. After all, what kind of RPG doesn't have boss fights? ; )
Questions? Comments? Concerns?
Thanks for reading, guys.
- Potato Man
In my introductory topic I posted when I joined, I mentioned that the storyline (and backbone) of my RMXP project is the novel I wrote. I did not copy other people's works, but I won't deny being influenced by other games and books. Isn't everyone? I just want to avoid cheesiness.
I began writing Fallacia when I was thirteen, wrote for about two years, took some time off, and finished up the editing and such in Winter 2008. Roughly a two-year project with a two year gap in-between.
I've given the story to a few family members, a couple friends, and my manager. They say it's good, (which was expected from family members), but I was hoping for some opinions.
Anyway, here is the first chapter.
The night was cold, and the air was thick with fog. The rain had been pouring for hours. A cloaked figure stalked through the puddles alongside a nobleman's mansion. The dense maze of hedges and a few guardsmen were the only things blocking his path. The fog made it difficult for the guardsmen to see, giving Kireth a distinct advantage. After all, he wasn't wearing the face-veiling helmets the guardsmen were equipped with. Using his trained, swift movements, Kireth easily bypassed the first two guards. He arrived at a two-way path, and had only seconds to decide.
If Kireth's position was given away, he would have to escape and forfeit the money he would earn for this assassination. If his identity was given away, he would have to flee the country. Worse, if he was caught, he would surely be publicly executed. None of the options were appealing to him. Reacting quickly, Kireth saw a guard coming from the right side of the hedges. He darted left around the corner, avoiding the guard. An unseen guard saw him and was about to yell for the others, but Kireth administered a nerve pinch that would keep the guard out cold for at least a couple of hours.
Kireth shoved the guard into a hedge, then continued his infiltration. He ran lightly up the steps, then ducked around the corner to the right. No doors were visible, but an ornate window sat in the wall. Peering inside the window, Kireth spotted his target. A slightly overweight man was lying in bed, fast asleep. Examining the window, he found it to be rather flimsy. Using the pommel of his blade, he pried open the edge in the lower left corner of the window and reached inside to unlatch it. He slowly pushed the window open, creating a slight squeak. The man in bed stirred but did not wake. Even slower Kireth crept to the side of the bed, closing in on the sleeping target. He lifted his long, silver katana, and did his deed. He immediately took the noble's seal from the nightstand. Next, he dropped a white rose on the man's body, then silently slipped out the window and back into the heavy rainfall. Walking down the hill, the man went back into town.
As Kireth walked through the muddy streets, the moonlight shimmered beyond the hills. The old lantern above the tavern door was dim, and homeless children roamed the walkways. He entered the tavern and immediately whiffed the stench of stale beer. The groans of drunk men filled the air. He found his way to the back of the building, where another cloaked man was waiting.
"The deed is done." said Kireth, giving him the noble's seal.
"Good, good. Here is your pay, as promised." The man cackled, dropping a bag filled with coins on the table. He stood to leave, then turned around, saying: "Nice doing buisness with you, Kireth." Kireth stared at the man as he left. Once he was gone, he made his way back onto the streets of western Succidia. The rain was still battering the sandstone buildings, but the fog was beginning to dissipate. Before he could locate an inn, a trumpet rang out through the rain. The battle had begun! Reacting quickly, Kireth found his way to the western gate. Succidian Elites were already starting to barricade it, and many more were arming themselves. Without being seen, Kireth scrambled on top of a roof and strained to see through the downpour. A sea of Proelium soldiers were closing in on the western gate! He ran across the rooftops and leapt over alleys in the northeast direction. A skirmish was about to begin, and he wanted no part of it. Jumping down into an alley, Kireth crouched behind a barrel. Several cavaliers and an official of the Succidian Army came galloping down the road.
"To arms!" The official shouted, raising her lance. He watched as more soldiers came charging behind her, then he darted out of the alley and towards the northern gate. There was no way he could make it back to Proelium via the western gate, so he would have to use the inner sea route.
The center of Succidia was where most of the nobility lived. The citadel was here too, and it was where King Kierkai resided. Kireth moved silently and swiftly along the sides of the buildings, staying in the shadows. Finally, he arrived at the northern gate. Because of the fighting, most of the guards here had been deployed to the western defenses. Luckily, only one was on duty, and Kireth had no trouble slipping through the gate unnoticed. Once he was outside the city, Kireth found his way to a small cave only a few paces away. He ducked inside and examined his pack. His food supply was fine, he had just enough to make it to Malasujoy. Malasujoy was a port town on the northern shores of the Succidian country, usually packed with merchants and tradesmen. He leaned against the wall and sighed, staring at his katana. Why must so much blood be shed? Why can't this war end? Kireth thought. He slid his hood back, revealing his solid white hair. Although he was young, in his early twenties, he was born with white hair. His emerald green eyes scanned the outside of the cave, waiting patiently for the rain to end. Water dripped irritatingly from a nearby stalagtite, causing his eyes to roll. How he despised that sound. Kireth sat down and leaned against his pack, resting. The rain should stop soon.
* * *
Waiting for what seemed like an eternity, Kireth grew increasingly impatient. This rain will never end! He thought. After a few more minutes of rain, Kireth leaned back and sighed. He would have to make camp here. Rummaging through his pack, he dug out a small skillet, a few pieces of dried meat, and some random vegetables. Next, he began scraping flint against a small rock. The sparks that fell landed on some dead leaves on the floor, creating a small fire. Kireth began to cook his meal. Eighteen more leagues.... Had it not been for this senseless war, I would've been able to walk through the southern valley. He thought. Now I must endure the inner sea. After eating he sat down, facing the exit of the small cave. The rain had not let up. He slowly began to tire; his eyes drooped. Propping his head against his pack, he quickly fell asleep.
Upon wakening, Kireth found himself half-twisted on the damp rock. He jumped up, dusted himself off, and immediately looked outdoors. The rain had stopped. Strapping his pack on, he quickly walked out of the cave. He had a lot of ground to cover, for the rain had slowed him down. Glancing ahead, he noted that the plains were quite flat, with a few clumps of trees here and there. This would be a fairly easy trek. In the morning, the sun made the dew glitter across the plains. The shining sea of grass looked amazing. Even so, that was all one could see going north. Kireth jogged along the dirt path, worn by many years of use, in the northwestern direction. Almost passing a small group of trees, Kireth stopped dead in his tracks. A small group of three Succidian soldiers were camped there. What are they doing here? Shouldn't they be at Fort Grey? He thought. Ducking behind a petite boulder, he listened to their conversation.
"Who are we looking for again?" said a short soldier.
"An assassin. The killer of Count Thomas, to be precise." replied barrel-shaped soldier.
"Okay. He isn't the, um.... You know, is he?"
"The "Shadow Knight", eh? Don't tell me you're afraid of a sissy with a knife."
"N-n-no. I never get scared, Hugo." Jon replied.
"Yeah, well tell THAT to the tone of your voice." Hugo laughed.
"Both of you, shut your traps!" A gruff voice bellowed. Jon and Hugo clumsily stood to attention. "I thought I heard something.... Back to your posts; and stop your chattering!"
"Yes sir!" they replied. Jon headed to the north end, and Hugo waddled southwest. Kireth's left knee began to twitch. He had been standing still for a while now. Not long after, it went numb. Kireth cursed his incompetence, then limped northeast, away from the encampment. A small patch of dirt dislodged and rolled down into the circle of trees. The gruff voiced shouted:
"Hey! I heard something that time, go check it out." Hugo and Jon scrambled towards Kireth's forsaken boulder. Kireth's leg had regained it's blood flow, and he was now up to full stride. Hugo and Jon chased after him, but they weren't close enough to identify him. Their cumbersome armor slowed them down significantly, giving the lightly-robed Kireth an advantage. Up and down the hills Kireth ran; seeking a hiding place. There was nothing but flat plains for leagues in all directions, save a gap at the bottom of a hill, just wide enough to jump. Kireth bridged the gap with a leap and ended his fall with a frontwards roll. Jon and Hugo skidded to a halt and stared at him. Their heavy armor wouldn't allow them to jump that far, let alone catch up with Kireth. Waving his arm, Kireth ran off towards Malasujoy.
Only a day had passed since Kireth escaped from Jon and Hugo. He had covered about nine of the eighteen leagues to Malasujoy. His food supply was still good, and the weather had been decent. At his rate of speed, those sad excuses for soldiers would never catch up, unless they had horses. Deciding he had earned it, Kireth slowed his pace. Just before nightfall, he found a small grove nestled among some pine trees. Preparing to make camp, he scanned the plains to the south. There were no signs of pursuit, but he decided keep his guard up. He did not make a fire; that would draw too much attention. Instead, he ate dried meat and a few pieces of bread. There was a bush yielding blueberries nearby, so he munched a few of those as well.
"Will I ever make it home?" Kireth thought aloud. Kireth had a small home in the Red Forest, just south of the Succidian Kingdom. He did not sleep at all that night, for his thoughts consumed him. Thoughts of home, and thoughts of peace. Now that I think about it, how am I going to make money? I've finished my last mission; I'm sure the Proeliums have another assignment for me.... Kireth's thoughts trailed off. He quickly packed his things and left, for his desire to reach his destination burned within him.
The quiet moon of Aesculetum loomed in the distance, its blue flare ominous. Using its light to guide him, Kireth nimbly ran through the trails. Only a league or so until he reached the Malasujoy Republic border. Surely there would be guards there. Under normal circumstances, Kireth could have gotten through easily, though during this war they might need to check him. After a few hours, he arrived at the border. A good-sized camp was set up along the border, with guards swarming everywhere. Nonchalantly, Kireth strode past the guards, acting as if he belonged there. He continued until he reached the edge of the camp, then a rude man stopped him.
"Who the heck are you? And what're you doin' here?" The rude man snapped. Although surprised, Kireth was not about to be caught off guard.
"Buisness, as usual. If you'll excuse me...." He replied.
"I've never seen the likes of you before. I haven't seen a garment like yours either -" Kireth let the man say no more, for he applied the nerve pinch once more. The man fell into his arms, and Kireth sat him down on the ground gently. He walked off towards the city as if nothing had happened. Only a few more leagues to go. Kireth thought.
If Kireth's position was given away, he would have to escape and forfeit the money he would earn for this assassination. If his identity was given away, he would have to flee the country. Worse, if he was caught, he would surely be publicly executed. None of the options were appealing to him. Reacting quickly, Kireth saw a guard coming from the right side of the hedges. He darted left around the corner, avoiding the guard. An unseen guard saw him and was about to yell for the others, but Kireth administered a nerve pinch that would keep the guard out cold for at least a couple of hours.
Kireth shoved the guard into a hedge, then continued his infiltration. He ran lightly up the steps, then ducked around the corner to the right. No doors were visible, but an ornate window sat in the wall. Peering inside the window, Kireth spotted his target. A slightly overweight man was lying in bed, fast asleep. Examining the window, he found it to be rather flimsy. Using the pommel of his blade, he pried open the edge in the lower left corner of the window and reached inside to unlatch it. He slowly pushed the window open, creating a slight squeak. The man in bed stirred but did not wake. Even slower Kireth crept to the side of the bed, closing in on the sleeping target. He lifted his long, silver katana, and did his deed. He immediately took the noble's seal from the nightstand. Next, he dropped a white rose on the man's body, then silently slipped out the window and back into the heavy rainfall. Walking down the hill, the man went back into town.
As Kireth walked through the muddy streets, the moonlight shimmered beyond the hills. The old lantern above the tavern door was dim, and homeless children roamed the walkways. He entered the tavern and immediately whiffed the stench of stale beer. The groans of drunk men filled the air. He found his way to the back of the building, where another cloaked man was waiting.
"The deed is done." said Kireth, giving him the noble's seal.
"Good, good. Here is your pay, as promised." The man cackled, dropping a bag filled with coins on the table. He stood to leave, then turned around, saying: "Nice doing buisness with you, Kireth." Kireth stared at the man as he left. Once he was gone, he made his way back onto the streets of western Succidia. The rain was still battering the sandstone buildings, but the fog was beginning to dissipate. Before he could locate an inn, a trumpet rang out through the rain. The battle had begun! Reacting quickly, Kireth found his way to the western gate. Succidian Elites were already starting to barricade it, and many more were arming themselves. Without being seen, Kireth scrambled on top of a roof and strained to see through the downpour. A sea of Proelium soldiers were closing in on the western gate! He ran across the rooftops and leapt over alleys in the northeast direction. A skirmish was about to begin, and he wanted no part of it. Jumping down into an alley, Kireth crouched behind a barrel. Several cavaliers and an official of the Succidian Army came galloping down the road.
"To arms!" The official shouted, raising her lance. He watched as more soldiers came charging behind her, then he darted out of the alley and towards the northern gate. There was no way he could make it back to Proelium via the western gate, so he would have to use the inner sea route.
The center of Succidia was where most of the nobility lived. The citadel was here too, and it was where King Kierkai resided. Kireth moved silently and swiftly along the sides of the buildings, staying in the shadows. Finally, he arrived at the northern gate. Because of the fighting, most of the guards here had been deployed to the western defenses. Luckily, only one was on duty, and Kireth had no trouble slipping through the gate unnoticed. Once he was outside the city, Kireth found his way to a small cave only a few paces away. He ducked inside and examined his pack. His food supply was fine, he had just enough to make it to Malasujoy. Malasujoy was a port town on the northern shores of the Succidian country, usually packed with merchants and tradesmen. He leaned against the wall and sighed, staring at his katana. Why must so much blood be shed? Why can't this war end? Kireth thought. He slid his hood back, revealing his solid white hair. Although he was young, in his early twenties, he was born with white hair. His emerald green eyes scanned the outside of the cave, waiting patiently for the rain to end. Water dripped irritatingly from a nearby stalagtite, causing his eyes to roll. How he despised that sound. Kireth sat down and leaned against his pack, resting. The rain should stop soon.
* * *
Waiting for what seemed like an eternity, Kireth grew increasingly impatient. This rain will never end! He thought. After a few more minutes of rain, Kireth leaned back and sighed. He would have to make camp here. Rummaging through his pack, he dug out a small skillet, a few pieces of dried meat, and some random vegetables. Next, he began scraping flint against a small rock. The sparks that fell landed on some dead leaves on the floor, creating a small fire. Kireth began to cook his meal. Eighteen more leagues.... Had it not been for this senseless war, I would've been able to walk through the southern valley. He thought. Now I must endure the inner sea. After eating he sat down, facing the exit of the small cave. The rain had not let up. He slowly began to tire; his eyes drooped. Propping his head against his pack, he quickly fell asleep.
Upon wakening, Kireth found himself half-twisted on the damp rock. He jumped up, dusted himself off, and immediately looked outdoors. The rain had stopped. Strapping his pack on, he quickly walked out of the cave. He had a lot of ground to cover, for the rain had slowed him down. Glancing ahead, he noted that the plains were quite flat, with a few clumps of trees here and there. This would be a fairly easy trek. In the morning, the sun made the dew glitter across the plains. The shining sea of grass looked amazing. Even so, that was all one could see going north. Kireth jogged along the dirt path, worn by many years of use, in the northwestern direction. Almost passing a small group of trees, Kireth stopped dead in his tracks. A small group of three Succidian soldiers were camped there. What are they doing here? Shouldn't they be at Fort Grey? He thought. Ducking behind a petite boulder, he listened to their conversation.
"Who are we looking for again?" said a short soldier.
"An assassin. The killer of Count Thomas, to be precise." replied barrel-shaped soldier.
"Okay. He isn't the, um.... You know, is he?"
"The "Shadow Knight", eh? Don't tell me you're afraid of a sissy with a knife."
"N-n-no. I never get scared, Hugo." Jon replied.
"Yeah, well tell THAT to the tone of your voice." Hugo laughed.
"Both of you, shut your traps!" A gruff voice bellowed. Jon and Hugo clumsily stood to attention. "I thought I heard something.... Back to your posts; and stop your chattering!"
"Yes sir!" they replied. Jon headed to the north end, and Hugo waddled southwest. Kireth's left knee began to twitch. He had been standing still for a while now. Not long after, it went numb. Kireth cursed his incompetence, then limped northeast, away from the encampment. A small patch of dirt dislodged and rolled down into the circle of trees. The gruff voiced shouted:
"Hey! I heard something that time, go check it out." Hugo and Jon scrambled towards Kireth's forsaken boulder. Kireth's leg had regained it's blood flow, and he was now up to full stride. Hugo and Jon chased after him, but they weren't close enough to identify him. Their cumbersome armor slowed them down significantly, giving the lightly-robed Kireth an advantage. Up and down the hills Kireth ran; seeking a hiding place. There was nothing but flat plains for leagues in all directions, save a gap at the bottom of a hill, just wide enough to jump. Kireth bridged the gap with a leap and ended his fall with a frontwards roll. Jon and Hugo skidded to a halt and stared at him. Their heavy armor wouldn't allow them to jump that far, let alone catch up with Kireth. Waving his arm, Kireth ran off towards Malasujoy.
Only a day had passed since Kireth escaped from Jon and Hugo. He had covered about nine of the eighteen leagues to Malasujoy. His food supply was still good, and the weather had been decent. At his rate of speed, those sad excuses for soldiers would never catch up, unless they had horses. Deciding he had earned it, Kireth slowed his pace. Just before nightfall, he found a small grove nestled among some pine trees. Preparing to make camp, he scanned the plains to the south. There were no signs of pursuit, but he decided keep his guard up. He did not make a fire; that would draw too much attention. Instead, he ate dried meat and a few pieces of bread. There was a bush yielding blueberries nearby, so he munched a few of those as well.
"Will I ever make it home?" Kireth thought aloud. Kireth had a small home in the Red Forest, just south of the Succidian Kingdom. He did not sleep at all that night, for his thoughts consumed him. Thoughts of home, and thoughts of peace. Now that I think about it, how am I going to make money? I've finished my last mission; I'm sure the Proeliums have another assignment for me.... Kireth's thoughts trailed off. He quickly packed his things and left, for his desire to reach his destination burned within him.
The quiet moon of Aesculetum loomed in the distance, its blue flare ominous. Using its light to guide him, Kireth nimbly ran through the trails. Only a league or so until he reached the Malasujoy Republic border. Surely there would be guards there. Under normal circumstances, Kireth could have gotten through easily, though during this war they might need to check him. After a few hours, he arrived at the border. A good-sized camp was set up along the border, with guards swarming everywhere. Nonchalantly, Kireth strode past the guards, acting as if he belonged there. He continued until he reached the edge of the camp, then a rude man stopped him.
"Who the heck are you? And what're you doin' here?" The rude man snapped. Although surprised, Kireth was not about to be caught off guard.
"Buisness, as usual. If you'll excuse me...." He replied.
"I've never seen the likes of you before. I haven't seen a garment like yours either -" Kireth let the man say no more, for he applied the nerve pinch once more. The man fell into his arms, and Kireth sat him down on the ground gently. He walked off towards the city as if nothing had happened. Only a few more leagues to go. Kireth thought.
I made some minor changes when I put this into RMXP. For example, Jon and Hugo are not important characters, so in the game I left their names as generic "Fat Soldier" and "Slim Soldier". By giving them names, I felt as if that would indicate an appearance later on.
The final soldier, the "rude man", I turned into a boss fight against a sentry that had been following Kireth. After all, what kind of RPG doesn't have boss fights? ; )
Questions? Comments? Concerns?
Thanks for reading, guys.
- Potato Man
