Poetic Musings of Damaris

[Damaris]

Here is a poem I wrote a long time ago, I open it every now and again to realize how much I like the first six lines, after that I feel it becomes less pointed and leads off track. I've attempted to amend it but each time I try, I produce a similar result. So without further adieu;


A Truthful Calling.

This Fairytale haunting; just a story made of words
Children's minds keep yearning; to hear these verbal slurs
The progression of our thoughts, a reflection of the truth
Force feeding is our crime and the victim is our youth

Adolescents find our constant corruption an obsession
An inaccurate expression of life’s inevitable depression
Manipulate her mind so that she believes you're right
Deny her asking questions and ban all her delights

Close the curtains;
Bring the dark,
A lack of light so dominant.

Shadow her path;
Block her past,
Your belief’s are omnipotent.

Lock your doors to feel secure in this world of fear
Hide behind your own mind; and improper austere appearance
Chain and bound her from the remaining crowd who seem so salient
Surround her life with stress; deter her friends, and just watch her defiance

 

[MCsephiroth13]

I liked it. The rhymes were excellent and I like that middle part that slowed the rhyming down and changed the flow. I found a grammatical mistake. On the line that says "Manipulate her mind so that she believes your right" you should change "your" to "you're".