Poems

[Ragnarok]

A few months ago, I started writing English poems at school.
During a writing-atelier where we were motivated to write a poem in wheter language we like(so French, German, Luxembourgish or English) I choose English and had a lot of fun expressing myself through poems since that day.

Now, English isn't my first language, so if you find any mistakes let me know about them

the boogymen

Spoiler

boogers are chasing me
the nation of a saviour
a dead priest promising the nirvana
Zhuangzis qi
Hubbards Xeno
wooing manywise my believes
promising me my liberty
liberty from my delusionised life
all overwhelming me with gratitude.

the jumble

Spoiler

the whirling swirl racking your head
leading astray the thinking cap
arousing cognitive processes
making you astute
acknowledging you
freedom

More to come, every comment is appreciated.

 

[Daxis]

whirling swirl doesn't work so well. One would think it would be a cool rhyme, but i don't like it that much.

nice free rhyme poems with little cohesion at the surface. Okay stuff, although the jumble could use some extra feeling. It's a mess of words right now and honestly, the title would work better as a title for the first poem, since the method used to make "the jumble" is rather not jumbled up, while the first poem feels considerably jumbled and messed up all around.

 

[dadevvtsvre]

yeah dude, sorry but these don't really make any sense. they don't invoke any sort of image or emotionl they just seem like you tossed together a bunch of fancy words hoping they'd be a little cohesive. if you're hoping that because the poems are a mess of words, we're supposed to feel the same sense of being in a mess, of life spiraling out of control - i'm not feeling it.

i'm not an engligh expert or anything but i find that most of the best poems are ones that create vivid images in your head. trying to picture "Zhuangzis qi" right after "a dead priest promising the nirvana" is not working for me.