Order - A poem by abreaction

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This a poem I recently wrote, and decided to share it with the forums. I'll leave it to everyone else to figure out what it is about.

Order, a poem by abreaction
I
Even rows,
Set in order.
'Further you go,
Items get larger.
A perfect line,
Of toys.
From small,
To large.
All in the bed,
Standing quiet, still,
Next to the boy's head,
Finally asleep.

II
No one could get it.
No one can,
No one would-
His very own logic,
His reasoning,
His order.

III
He has a specific schedule:
Awake at 8, eat at 10 after, and at 9, school.
A step out of line,
And it makes no sense.
Confusion,
Without order.

IV
He couldn't explain;
They never understood him.
They acted as if so, in vain,
To comfort him.
But he spoke but another tongue,
One no one but him spoke.
It made it so hard to converse,
His sentences short.
A language no one else knew of,
Order.

V
Others.
He didn't need them.
He was fine, given his druthers,
He could make it alone.
Everyone else had so many ideas,
So many new games to play.
But he only wanted one.
Not games like House or Kind-
With all their pretend play,
All without order

VI
Sometimes people would do strange things,
Things he didn't do.
A simple loud noise, to them stings;
Yet it's nothing to him.
But when a car starts,
A blender runs,
The wind blows,
Or a door creaks:
He covers his ears, in pain;
Yet it's nothing to them.
It's so strange, they don't make sense;
Those people without order.

VII
Now he lay asleep,
As the schedule dictates.
His blanket in a familiar heap,
His toys all in a line.
Away from all the confusion,
All the insanity.
In a simple place:
A life all in order.

Tell me what you think,
-abreaction

 

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Bump

 

[Stardust]

I really liked how this progressed. The format was interesting and I think it helped the poem quite a bit.

One thing that bothered me was how you put punctuation at the end of every line. It isn't necessary unless there's actually a pause while reading. It made things extremely awkward in places.

A perfect line,
Of toys.
From small,
To large.

You really don't need those commas there. When I read it, I put pauses after "line" and "small" when they shouldn't be there. It should be smooth.

Confusion,
Without order.

Again, I think it would have been better without the comma. ;o

My personal favorites were II and VII, but I enjoyed the whole thing. It was cool how each stanza was unrelated but related at the same time! ^_^

 

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Thanks Guardian! Glad someone pays attention to the Lit board topics, and not that Haiku thing.

As for those commas, hmmm... Well, I' m certain I can fix the first one, but the second one's stanza is pretty short. :/ I'll look at it for a while, may just rewrite it. I have a few fixes to do anyways.

But glad you enjoyed it!
-abreaction

EDIT: Hey! You never guessed what the disease the kid had D: