Novel-Intro

[NexS]

Hey there all, just after some of your thoughts on a small amount of my novel-in the making. Any feedback is welcome and i hop you enjoy reading it...(if i can get the spoiler to work.. hmm  :crazy OH and any good ideas for the name of the novel will be considered... i cant think of any names and it's frustrating lol

Spoiler

  Ding ding ding, the bell rang its pleasant rising tone and the Headmistress’s voice followed,
  “All combat students are to report to their classrooms for the end of year exams, all combat students to your classrooms… Final year students, good luck. Thank you.â€

 

[Anglachel]

Hard to tell from just what you have given us to read to be honest. It didn't grab me but it actually managed to get my interest a bit and I wouldn't mind finding out what happens. From the start the first thing I thought was 'this is going to be cliche' :P But it's hard to avoid that in such a small part of the story. I don't really know anything about the setting thought so maybe you could include something about that, it could be present day or in the future and those guys are training to be mecha pilots for all I know.

I'm trying to give criticism because I know you would appreciate it although I'm not sure how much mine would be worth. To be honest your writing reminds me of my own when I used to be an avid writer, although that was a long time ago.

Good luck with the novel! I would like to hear a litte bit more about it though :D

 

[Despain]

I stopped reading at LEET and I think that a lot of other people would too.

Also in serious writing you do not pluralize with apostrophes.

 

[AbyssalLord]

Yup...I stopped one sentence after LEET.

From what I read, though, it seems you should work on verb tenses.  Make sure all of the verbs agree with one another.  For example: "All the students were preparing themselves for their end of year exams with the great hopes that good scores will bring future employment for them."  "Will" just does not sound right because you are combining future and preterite tense.  Try using a word like "would" instead.  I saw a few instances of this in your writing.