need a little relationship advice.

[zornsthorne]

I'm currently dating this girl called mellissa shes a year older than me (im 17 shes 18) i look young for my age and she finds me attractive.
im going to ask her out. but she goes to all the clubs and bars with her friends. I would to but im not 18 and i dont look 18.
Well yeah its not that i dont trust her I do, I just dont trust other guys and theres part of me going go for it, nothing like that will happen.
but theres also a part going dont do it she cheat and shell find someone better.

basically i just want to know if you guys were in my shoes what would you do?

 

[$t3v0]

You should never really have to go out your way to impress a girl. If this is the case then she isn't the girl for you no matter how much you dislike it.

Sure, impressing a girl is fine, because that's human nature on how to attract a mate. But trust me, I've been where you are before and I can guarantee she WILL NOT change her ways if you're there or not.

 

[Venetia]

You should never really have to go out your way to impress a girl. If this is the case then she isn't the girl for you no matter how much you dislike it.

Sure, impressing a girl is fine, because that's human nature on how to attract a mate. But trust me, I've been where you are before and I can guarantee she WILL NOT change her ways if you're there or not.

Yep. Especially girls who're really interested in the whole bar & club scene. In my experience they're the most obstinate of all.

 

[moog]

Man, EVERYTHING you just said its a walking contradiction, dood. You are dating her, but you want to ask her out? You trust her, but you dont?

Im not trying to harp, but if you really like her and you are dating, she shouldnt have to go hang with her friends at clubs. That totally defeats the purpose of having a significant other.

Im a freshman in college, and girls pull this shit all the time, especially since the school is right next to all the clubs.

 

[holloway]

Post your picture
Post hers

We'll decide.

 

[zornsthorne]

okay i do trust her, i trust her loads.
and i didnt have to impress her. I was myself and she just took me as me.
I didnt go out of my way for anything.

and by dating means ive been on a few dates with her and we want another.
by asking out i mean like we are in a relationship.

and btw tokyokenshin i live in the united kingdom going out drinking with your mates to clubs and bars
is what you do to socialise and her friends go out to the club called the box to have fun.

i cant stop her seeing her friends both of us hate being too clingy.

 

[sixtyandaquarter]

Well yeah its not that i dont trust her I do, I just dont trust other guys and theres part of me going go for it, nothing like that will happen.
but theres also a part going dont do it she cheat and shell find someone better.

1) Grow some confidence if she likes you she likes you, if she cheats she cheats.  The same can be said about you.
You'd be surprised how many sides of the relationship where the one goes out to do stuff and the other either doesn't or can't, and the same thought races threw both their heads.
Girl at a club, boy thinks she could cheat, girl thinks he's cheating.  Round and round we go.

2) How can you trust her but not the other boys?  That is the stupidest thing in the world.  Are they going to rape her?  If they are, can you really stop them even if you were there?  If you trust her, you trust her to say no.  That's where your trust is.
You don't have to trust the rest of the world, you only have to trust her.

3) Why can't she go to a bar?  I don't understand this thought.
It's like saying, no don't go to the mall.  There is a chance you might fall in love with some random guy selling you a kettle.  It makes no sense to me.

4) By simply implying she could find someone better means there is someone better and your destined to fail.  There is never anyone better unless you fail and allow someone to be.

So yeah.
Grow a set and let ask her out, and if she goes to a club just keep in mind you can easily cheat just as bad as she could.  I have no count on the times I had people over when a girlfriend was out shopping or at a birthday or with her friends and crap in high school.
"Hey wanna come over?"
Hell of a lot easier than trying to meet someone at a club.

If she trusts you not to, trust her not to, and have fun when she gets back, or when your old enough to go to.
That or get a fake ID and harp on her shoulder to peck away any good looking guy that walks by.

 

[Neverplayd]

3) Why can't she go to a bar?  I don't understand this thought.

You'd be suprised how a couple of shots could lower one's sense of rationality. But you still have a point, anyway. Unless his girlfriend can't reject a drink or is an alcoholic, she should be fine on her own. She's not a doll, so she should be able to make her own decisions.

 

[Ratty524]

... Find someone your age? Adults and teens live TOTALLY different lives, son. I say... Maybe keep in touch a little and when you get older you can bang.

 

[American Hero]

its just a year...

I say jump. I always jump.

 

[sixtyandaquarter]

You'd be suprised how a couple of shots could lower one's sense of rationality. But you still have a point, anyway. Unless his girlfriend can't reject a drink or is an alcoholic, she should be fine on her own. She's not a doll, so she should be able to make her own decisions.

I wouldn't be surprised at all at the inhibitions of a drunk person... TRUST me. But people are still allowed at bars, and if she's that bad ... well then I doubt someone'll trust her, if you get my drift.  I wouldn't trust me, not because I'd cheat with someone at the drop of hat (nowadays), but because I'm one who loses a lot of inhibitions if I get that bad, and something could happen.  There's a difference.  I'd trust myself at a bar with friends, I just wouldn't trust me by myself.

If they drink too much it's not an excuse.  If it were I'd go murder half the people I brawled with in a bar simply because they pissed me off that much, and hey - you'd be surprised what a few shots'll do lol

Seriously though, joking aside, more people are paranoid less about the alcohol and more about the social interaction with other people.  Just as many people don't like their mates - or prospective mates - going to coffee shops that don't serve alcohol.

It's the same as people getting jealous and protective over a harmless school dance.  Sure there's alcohol, but it's not like a public orgy.

 

[iceplosion]

and btw tokyokenshin i live in the united kingdom going out drinking with your mates to clubs and bars
is what you do to socialise and her friends go out to the club called the box to have fun.

I used to go to a club called the box (used to, it was mostly 17-19 year olds) I don't know if it's the same place though...where in the UK is this?

 

[zornsthorne]

northern ireland.

but yeah dudes its all sorted out.

thanks for all the advice and btw we are going out now.

 

[iceplosion]

Ha, it is actually the same place. I'm shocked to see someone else from NI here.
I'm in NI as well.

 

[holloway]

Both state you religion, I want some orange antics this easter.

 

[iceplosion]

Atheist.
Also no one under 30 cares about religion. (not in that respect anyway)
Holloway were you under the impression people still fought over religion?

 

[holloway]

Iceplosion, that shit hasn't finished. Regardless of the fact that the bombings have ended, the IRA only gave up their weapons last summer, areas are still segregated and a working government has only just been put in place.

Whether or not they deeply care about it, its still the flag the two sides fight under.

/offtopic

 

[iceplosion]

I know more about this than you, you only know what you see in the news, I live here, there hasn't been any real fighting for over ten years, at least do some research before giving such an ignorant opinion. Also that "two sides" thing only matters to old men, it's completely dead.

/off topic and my last post here since I'm not getting into a flame war.

 

[American Hero]

American Media is so FOS. And I should know. :wink:

 

[holloway]

I know more about this than you, you only know what you see in the news, I live here, there hasn't been any real fighting for over ten years, at least do some research before giving such an ignorant opinion. Also that "two sides" thing only matters to old men, it's completely dead.

/off topic and my last post here since I'm not getting into a flame war.

1999, January: Former IRA member Eamon Collins was found dead near Newry, County Down.
1999, March: Solicitor Rosemary Nelson, who had represented Republicans in several high profile cases, was killed by a booby trap car bomb in Lurgan, County Armagh. A loyalist group, Red Hand Defenders, admitted responsibility.
1999, July: 22 year old Charles Bennett was shot and killed by the IRA in Belfast.
2000, June: A Real IRA bomb caused minor damage to Hammersmith Bridge, London.
2001, January: Dissident Republicans launched a mortar attack on a British Army base in Derry.
2001, March: A Real IRA bomb exploded outside BBC Television Centre, causing some damage to the building
2001, April: A Real IRA bomb exploded at a Post Office depot in North London.
2001, July: David Trimble resigned as First Minister.
2001, July: Catholic teenager Ciaran Cummings was shot and killed by the UDA in Co. Antrim.
2001, August: Army bomb disposal teams defused a bomb in the main car park at Belfast International Airport.
2001, August: A Real IRA car bomb injured seven people in Ealing, West London (See 3 August 2001 Ealing bombing).
2002 June: Catholic children attacked on their way to school by Loyalist protesters

Please don't insult my intelligence again. I know damn well what is going on- I'm fucking specialising in the Irish troubles for my Uni degree for heavens sakes.