My story idea (remade)

[igloo9]

My original topic is gone for some reason. It links to a different topic now, so I'm remaking it.

Also, someone PM'ed me and said they would help me on my game. For some reason my inbox and sent msgs are gone, so I don't remember your name. Could you send me another message or reply on here and let me know who you are? I forgot your name :?

---(My game is a combination of fantasy and future, similar to Tales of Symphonia, just so it doesn't sound weird when you read it)---

There is a corporation. They were the ones who made most technology for the world, and was working for/is a part of the government. Everyone liked them. They helped make the world better by introducing new technology. But then one day, they announced that they were making changes. Instead of making new technology, they were going to majorly modify all current technology and change it into things completely different. People were confused, but accepted it. Then it got worse.

In order for the corporation to change all of the technology, they would need to make experiments with it and test it out several times. They needed energy to make the experiments - the magical energy that makes things work and live. How did they get their magic energy? They went from town to town, stealing each town's main source of the energy that keeps the town running. If anyone tried to fight back and protect their energy, the corporation agents would kill them immediately.

Now, it's your town's turn. The agents arrive and try to take your energy source. Your town, being pretty advanced compared to other towns, fight back. The agents kill the ones who attack and take the energy. Your town falls into chaos. Then, the royal family of your town gathers the top assassins of your town. They send them in groups of 2 or 3 to different locations where the corporation is to try to find and take back the energy, as well as kill any agents they see.

You and two other assassins get sent to an area. Then, the rest of the story continues, and a bunch of weird stuff happens... The corporation is trying to help the world, but their actions say otherwise.

---

This story isn't going to be cliche, even if it sounds like it. It's not going to involve just killing the corporation agents, getting your towns source of magic back, and happily returning home. It goes a lot farther, and I'm gonna try and make it very confusing.

 

[ebhz.Ash.4rm]

Well what you have up looks a bit off, what's the reasoning behind the company's change in direction? Was it taken over? Government wanted them to change? Ran out of money? Why is it that the authorities are ignoring the actions of these agents? Wouldn't they shut down the whole operation for making such over the top action or even better take the power sources themselves? A lot less bloody. Who is "You", are there any reasons other than the obvious ones for You going after these guys, did they take someone precious from You? What is this magical power source exactly? How does it work and where did it come from? Was it man made? Does it have it's own dark past? What's the state of the world when the corporation does this, is it on the brink of war or in the midst of peace? Are there lots of independent states or is it one huge superpower? What are the people in this world like, normal humans or can they control magic? Are they super smart or did the technology come over along time?

You say the story goes a lot farther, where does it go? If there's more to it than what you're saying then you're giving a bad impression of your game's story because we could see it as a mere kill and collect quest, extended. You should expand on more of where it's going, how characters develop and where the world around them develops to as well because chances are what you've put up now, if changed wouldn't affect the story majorly so you should put up the main parts so we can pick at any bits that may be inconsistent or don't make sense.

 

[igloo9]

What else am I supposed to put up? I don't want to give away the whole game, that's why you're supposed to play it...to find out.

Well what you have up looks a bit off, what's the reasoning behind the company's change in direction?

To completely modify all technology and turn it into something else. I'm not giving out any more, but there's a reason

Why is it that the authorities are ignoring the actions of these agents? Wouldn't they shut down the whole operation for making such over the top action or even better take the power sources themselves?

The corporation and agents in it are basically with the government. There is no stopping them. I mean, the corporation is only a part of the government, but everyone in the government knows what is happening. It's not just the agents alone.

Who is "You"

The main character.

are there any reasons other than the obvious ones for You going after these guys, did they take someone precious from You?

Nope. You are one of the top ranked assassins in the town. You were hired by the leaders of the town (the royal family) to go and get the magic back, and assassinate any agents that get in your way just like they did to the town.

What is this magical power source exactly? How does it work and where did it come from? Was it man made? Does it have it's own dark past?

Have you played Tales of Symphonia? If so, you know how the 2 separate worlds live off of their mana? This is similar, except each individual town has their own small source of magic that only affects that area. It's not really relevant where it came from or whatever. I mean, if it's really that big of a deal I can explain it, but a lot of games don't explain magic-type things like that. I don't see why I would have to. But basically, all towns keep a small amount of magic locked inside a treasure chest or box or something. It's been like that for as long as anyone can remember, but the game isn't really about the origins of this magic.

What's the state of the world when the corporation does this, is it on the brink of war or in the midst of peace? Are there lots of independent states or is it one huge superpower?

Nope, it's living in peace. You don't know in the beginning, but at some point in the game someone mentions when the government announced they were changing all of the technology. Then, a week or so later, they begin going from town to town collecting the energy. The game starts when your town is being attacked, however.

What are the people in this world like, normal humans or can they control magic? Are they super smart or did the technology come over along time?

I'm not sure if I'm putting magic in the game. If I do, it will be limited. It could work either way. I was considering just giving the corporation agents and other government people like that magic, to show how much more intelligent and stronger they are than you. But we'll see. Other than that, they're normal humans.

You say the story goes a lot farther, where does it go? If there's more to it than what you're saying then you're giving a bad impression of your game's story because we could see it as a mere kill and collect quest, extended.

Which is why I said that there is more to it. If I didn't, then people would think it's a simple story. I don't really feel like revealing the whole story on here

You should expand on more of where it's going, how characters develop and where the world around them develops to as well because chances are what you've put up now, if changed wouldn't affect the story majorly so you should put up the main parts so we can pick at any bits that may be inconsistent or don't make sense.

If I put up the main parts, it would be confusing. There are several different things that start happening throughout the game

 

[dadevvtsvre]

What else am I supposed to put up? I don't want to give away the whole game, that's why you're supposed to play it...to find out.

The only way we'll be able to comment on the entire game and not just part of it is if you give us all you got, regardless of whether or not some parts are spoilers. The only way we can critique is if we have the information.

If this were the Project Discussion forum or something then yeah, keep the spoilers a secret, but here in Concept Development we gotta hear everything. Or at least, close to it.

 

[igloo9]

Hm, alright. The way the story is set up it's hard to type it out and give info because different things start happening and it gets kind of confusing. I'll try, but it probably will be tomorrow