my story called Dragonia

[shadownexusruler]

Century’s later draconian kingdom became a huge empire and the dragons nearly extinct with only a handful dragons left to survive along with some humans who sided with the dragons over their king’s wishes. The king exiled them to another continent to die or become food for the dragons for them to survive, but one human decided to create a kingdom on this new continent and he gives this new kingdom a name of Dragonian castle and that any human or dragon was welcomed in his kingdom including hybrids a combination of humans with dragon wings on their back.

A few years back when the former king was still alive a sorcerer came to draconian castle looking for info on the where he could find some dragons, someone in a tavern told him they live up in the mountains. Oh I see said the sorcerer and he left the kingdom in the direction towards the mountains in search of dragons, meanwhile a young man is also heading for those mountains unaware that a dark sorcerer is out to corrupt a dragon with his dark magic in mean time the young man is heading to the mountains to do some hunting. While the young man does some hunting the sorcerer proceeds further up the mountain as he proceeds up the mountain he spots a cave where he finds traces of dragons going in and out of the cave. So the sorcerer enters the cave without realizing there is a dragon ready to breathe fire at anyone who enters the cave, upon entering the cave the sorcerer notice it was dark inside and he carefully moves ahead and he felt something underneath his foot and then creates a light orb so he can see what he step on then he realized he step on a dragons tail and the sorcerer went uh oh and the dragon roasts the sorcerer and the sorcerer when running out of cave still on fire and decides to retreat from the cave for now until he can come up with a way to get past the dragon that’s guarding the entrance into the cave.

well just to let you know i'm still not finished with it so don't say it's cliche just yet until the finished product has been posted
feedback is welcomed so is criticism

 

[mawk]

All I can see is one big run-on sentence. Please, use period at the ends of sentences and quotation marks when people talk.

(Also, "dark" and "corruption" are generally no-no words. Unless you're using them in a well thought-out and interesting way, they're generally an excuse to have an antagonist with no real motivation, and an unmitigated evil force that's bad just for the sake of bad. Don't fall into that trap.)

 

[Despain]

Is this a fucking joke?

 

[Anonymous]

what.

 

[Spoo]

Centuries after what, exactly?  You'd best be telling a joke.  Frankly, this is such a bad taste of a joke, I think you need a tempban.  Des, your call.  :shades:

 

[Dissonance]

Century’s later

Where's the start?

draconian kingdom became a huge empire and the dragons nearly extinct with only a handful dragons left to survive along with some humans who sided with the dragons over their king’s wishes.

So a kingdom named after the creatures they intend to completely kill.

The king exiled them to another continent to die or become food for the dragons for them to survive,

They'd eat their only human supporters?

but one human decided to create a kingdom on this new continent and he gives this new kingdom a name of Dragonian castle and that any human or dragon was welcomed in his kingdom

So he names his kingdom on this new continent EXACTLY THE SAME NAME as the other one?

including hybrids a combination of humans with dragon wings on their back.

I doubt human/dragon sex would work, and if it did it wouldn't just create a bunch of humans with dragon wings tacked on.

A few years back when the former king was still alive

wat

a sorcerer came to draconian castle looking for info on the where he could find some dragons, someone in a tavern told him they live up in the mountains.

They live in the nearby mountains despite campaigns of genocide for 'Centurys'?

Oh I see said the sorcerer and he left the kingdom in the direction towards the mountains in search of dragons,

Quotation mark much?

meanwhile a young man is also heading for those mountains unaware that a dark sorcerer is out to corrupt a dragon with his dark magic

He's dark now?  Or is this a new sorcerer?  Also ENTER THE GENERIC YOUNG HERO.

in mean time the young man is heading to the mountains to do some hunting. While the young man does some hunting

So he's not hunting dragons then?  Why go to DRAGON MOUNTAIN if you're hunting boar or something?  And, I guess he has nothing to do with evil sorcy.

the sorcerer proceeds further up the mountain as he proceeds up the mountain he spots a cave where he finds traces of dragons going in and out of the cave.

USE DIFFERENT WORDS

THERE ARE MANY OTHERS AVAILABLE

THEY DO NOT COST MONEY PER SYLLABLE

So the sorcerer enters the cave without realizing there is a dragon ready to breathe fire at anyone who enters the cave,

Isn't this good?  He's evil, right?

upon entering the cave the sorcerer notice it was dark inside and he carefully moves ahead and he felt something underneath his foot

Jesus christ we're going fast.  No character names, nothing.  This is just a two paragraph overview that could be several chapters if you bothered to flesh it out instead of shitting directly onto your keyboard.

and then creates a light orb so he can see what he step on

Light Orb?  You're pulling shit out of nowhere.

then he realized he step on a dragons tail and the sorcerer went uh oh

Are you writing for Bugs bunny?

and the dragon roasts the sorcerer and the sorcerer when running out of cave still on fire and decides to retreat from the cave for now

Possibly because he's ON FIRE.

until he can come up with a way to get past the dragon that’s guarding the entrance into the cave.

get past?  He's not here to explore caves, He's here to corrupt dragons.

well just to let you know i'm still not finished with it so don't say it's cliche just yet until the finished product has been posted
feedback is welcomed so is criticism

You introduce a world history in about two lines.
You introduce characters that simply fade away after their introduction.
You don't develop the characters at all, they interact with nothing and have no meaningful lines.  They're simply just a bundle of random actions.
Your work is filled with spelling and grammar mistakes.
It is cliche.  Dragons, castles, sorcerers, young heroes.  And no, I will not wait for the finished product.  I don't care 'what's coming next' because this was so horrendously bad that even if the next page had the secrets of salvation and the afterlife I would never get to it because this is so bloody awful.

 

[Skyla Doragono]

*headdesk*

Oy, oy... Maybe I should add, "make sure to develop your writing well before posting" to the rules.

Then again, most people would say that's a give-in.

Locked to prevent further flame-baiting.