Merchants Caravan

[arexandar]

Merchants Caravan
By: arexandar


THE PLOT

Spoiler

Omar and Rashid are both peasent kids who live in country called, Manathope also known as,The Sand Lands. Omar and Rashid live in a small city with no name. Both Rashid and Omar feel as if they are missing out on whats going on beyond the walls of the city. They have heard stories of raiding bandits and mysterious people helping certain people but never have they saw them.
       
Rashid thinks of a sneaky plan one that will be perfect and safe to get a good view of the world. Rashid's plan is to sneak onto a wagon that merchants use to travel from town to town to sell goods. But to ensure safety, Rashid decides to sneak onto the wagons during the festival called, Caravan. Caravan is when a large group of merchants do a big run around the towns to sell goods with protection from the military of the city.

During the wagon ride. Rashid and Omar fall asleep and realize that all the cargo that was in the wagon is gone. They go outside to see where they are... and there in the middle of the Sand Land Desert. Rashid finds foot-prints in the ground leading to a cave. Rashid decides to go in alone just in case. Rashid finds "Vlad" who is a mythical demon walking inside the cave with minions of the under world. He sees Vlad trying to retrieve a crystal from a large protector who is called, Arex. Rashid remembers a mythical story about how Vlad and Techondreous gathered up three crystals to open the gates of the underworld.

Rashid and Omar find out that the merchants left with the cargo to sell them in a town and they didnt wake up the kids because they would talk to them about what they did later. Rashid tells commander Tyr about what he saw in the cave obviously the commander didnt believe him. The commander traveled with Omar and Rashid home leaving the caravan all alone. Instead of getting home to their town, the town is under attack by an unknown force which he finds out was the warriors of the underworld.

Commander Tyr, Omar and Rashid have to travel threw the world to break the crystals before they are all totally activated. They meet new people during their quest to save humanity aswell as meeting new monsters and villains and undiscovered lands. Will both Roman and Rashid survive and will you get attached? find out by playing

CHARACTERS

Spoiler

http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn22/arexthetrex/omar.jpg[/img]

Name: Omar
Age: 15
Background: Arabic
About: Omar lives with his two brothers and Rashid after Rashid's parents passed away. Omars parents left him when he was 9. Omar sees his brothers once every week around town. Omar's Dad is in jail and his mom died while giving birth to him. He always feels bad about it.
Experiance: Good at sneaking
Reputation: Peasent Thief of Sand City
Feelings: Wants to know whats outside of the city walls. Wonders how it feels to be rich. Sad and angry about being poor and alone.








http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn22 ... rashid.jpg[/img]

Name: Rashid
Background: Arabic
Age: 17
About: All family members are dead. Rashid lives with Omar after his parents passed away. Both Rashids parents died when he was 8. They were both accused for working with Bandits out of town. He never forgives the mayor for what he did.
Experiance: Good at making plans
Reputation: Strategy King of Sand City
Feelings: Wonders whats outside the city's walls. Tyr is a big role model to Rashid because of his hobby of strategy.







http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn22 ... /cmmdr.jpg[/img]

Name: Commander Tyr
Background: Arabic
Age: 32
Experiance: Good at commanding armys, fighting and making plans
Reputation: Commander of the Sand City Military
Feelings: Angry at Omar and Rashid about how the sneak onto the wagons yet surprised about how they got on unnoticed.

CLANS

Spoiler

Name: Sand Land Bandits
Leader: Uknown
Uniform: Coyote heads for hats, brown fur capes, thick or thin armour tinted brown.
Fighting Style: Savage, No mercy.
Known for: Attacking merchants and traders for gold and goods.
Members: 20-130
Reasons: Group created by peasents to gather money to survive. Legend has it that the group started it off with 3 peasant boys who just stole from wagons to survive but they recruited more to make more money. Rumors around town are, Some of the most richest people were and or are members of the, Sand Land Bandits.



Name: Shadow Guardians
Leader: White Fang
Uniform: Black ninja outfit with white white belt
Fighting Style: Martial Arts
Known for: Protecting helpless towns people in various towns
Members: 15-70
Reasons: Group made to stop all muggings and murders in town. Legend has it that, White Fangs parents were killed after White Fangs father resisted being mugged.

SCREEN SHOTS

Spoiler

http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn22/arexthetrex/the5.jpg[/img]



http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn22 ... x/the4.jpg[/img]



http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn22 ... x/the3.jpg[/img]



http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn22 ... x/the2.jpg[/img]



http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn22 ... x/the1.jpg[/img]

TRAILER

Spoiler

http://www.2shared.com/file/3698691/a6b57b54/Assassins_Creed.html <--download?
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=A6WUP1M9 <--download?

Demo will be up from October-November. Stay Tuned! :thumb:

 

[Nickster]

Your story lacks any kind detail or depth whatsoever, which is the same with your characters, clans AND screen shots. This could use some serious work.

 

[arexandar]

arite... can you gimme an example of what i should do?

 

[Nickster]

your story needs more depth, give reasons why they go and do what they do. curiosity is good, but expand on it a bit more, are they trying to accomplish something or are they just wishy washy and going here and there with no purpose whatsoever?

For characters, they need personalties to begin with. and like with your story, they need depth and reasoning. do they have parents? whats their background? where do they live?

clans: a 500 member clan? thats HUGE. this is medieval im assuming? villages and things were much smaller than they are now, a gang is like 10 members, max. scale down your numbers. :\ does one of your clans protect for money from villages? whats their reasoning and purpose, people dont usually risk their lives for nothing.

maps: Details, details, details. all you have now is walls and doors. people will get so tired of looking at just the skeleton of your town they'll stop playing. pack things as full of detail as you can manage, while making it easily navigable. look at some other projects that have good mapping and learn from them. also, youre missing inner corners on all your buildings and thats an unrealistic number of crates for that caravan, use like 5 max.

 

[arexandar]

arite... that helped.. thanks man its late tho i mite go sleep before i patch thigns up

 

[Nickster]

you might get locked if you wait... just warning you...

 

[arexandar]

ya i know lol... check it now if its good.

 

[seven]

The plot doesn't give an idea of what will happen in the game. I mean, the plot should include an introduction, yes, but it should hint on what we will actually be playing. Okay, they sneak onto a caravan. But what will we be doing on it? What is the goal- the purpose? And I'd appreciate if I don't get an answer like "lulz i'm not gonna spoil it wait until teh demo".
Yeah, anyway, good luck with this. :straightthumb:

 

[arexandar]

I think ive done better than how it was when i first started.... and the screen shots now should be updated cause i gave the maps way more detail.

 

[seven]

Well, it's your job to update the screenshots, no? And you didn't really answer my question.

 

[arexandar]

ya im gunna update them now.... and i updated the Plot or w/e

 

[bradleydfc]

ya im gunna update them now.... and i updated the Plot or w/e

at least pretend you're bothered...

Anyways, I looked at it. Didn't hate much, didn't love much either. I would try to variate that screeny with all of the boxes though. The story was okay. Lacked a bit of oomph though, if you know what I mean. I rather liked the beginning of the story though. Two kids, sneak into a merchant's something or other, good good. Explore a cave, yeah. It sounds all pretty dandy and it could be going somewhere... and then you use three words. Crystal. Underworld. Unknown(force). You might as well have said cliché cliché cliché. I did admire it up to that bit though, perhaps if you play around with the story a bit you can make it a bit less cliché and more unique, because with your setting and the clan system (which if you can utilise would be immense, as it's something I enjoy in games) this could shape up to be a pretty nice demo. Could.

 

[arexandar]

arite... im still kinda working with the story.. improv mostly...