Maker's Mark, a final project

[tofurkey]

Well, I posted on A&G and got some pretty good and useful critiques, so I figured I'd try with another art form.

I took a creative writing class this summer, and for our final project we had to expand on an idea that we'd done earlier in the semester. I had been working with a pretty consistent theme throughout, so this was the natural end result. Forgive me if the formatting gets a little messy from copy/pasting.

Spoiler

        Maker’s Mark
     
      Inspired by “Her Deer Storyâ€

 

[Despain]

What is this supposed to be? The formatting suggest a screenplay, but there's nothing here but dialogue.

 

[tofurkey]

It's what it is, I suppose. It's not really a screenplay (though I suppose it could be), and it's also not actually dialogue.

The thing that I got my "inspiration" from, "Her Deer Story," is indeed a play in which a wife is telling her version of a story of how she ran into a deer while driving, but her husband keeps interjecting to throw in his own opinion, picking up on whatever word or line that he interrupted on. Several other characters show up eventually and do the same thing. In that sense, it's not dialogue, but three monologues spliced together in that same fashion. I did this so that all three viewpoints would be juxtaposed without senseless backtrack.

 

[tofurkey]

Ah, the pantoum. The poem that writes itself.



A Treatise on Sobriety: Jim’s Pantoum

I take a shot of whiskey--
Hey, Tony, how 'bout another?
I'll forget about her soon enough.
She didn't deserve me, anyhow.

Hey, Tony, how 'bout another?
I can’t stop seeing her goddam face in my head.
She didn't deserve me, anyhow.
Why else would she settle for less?

Goddam, she’s in my head; I can’t stop seeing her
Running off with some half-wit asshole.
Why the hell would she settle for less?
I gave her everything she dreamed of, except

Running off with some half-wit asshole.
You can’t possibly think it’s my fault!
I gave her everything she dreamed of, except--
Except me. I get it now.

So you all think it’s my fault, huh?
Well, then, a round of Jack for every one of you bastards--
Except me. I get it now.
Well, don't cut me off just yet. I ain't done.

A double round of Jack for everyone;
To the absolution of our sins!
Don't cut me off just yet. I ain't done.
I'm drinking 'til I pass out!

To the absolution of my sins,
I take another shot of whiskey.
I'm drinking 'til I pass out or
I forget about her; it can't come soon enough.