Literary Analysis: TCT's Storyline

[LaDestitute]

(Idea for storyline hooks, inciting incidents, midpoints, and second plot points taken from here.)
So I have used such points to layout a clear path of my project's storyline. I have to note my weakest points are probably my response and climax. So, some input please.

==== Basic premise ====
Eggman is once again on the search for the chaos emeralds. It is a race against time for Chaoin the chao (the main character) to find the chaos emeralds before he does. What could be the consequences if Eggman gets to them first?

=== The Hook ===
Eggman broadcasts a message directed at Station Square on national television, threatening to launch an attack on Station Square if they do not comply and surrender any chaos emeralds stored in their government banks.

== Setup ==
Chaoin is pushed by his curiosity about the outside world, and comes with the decision to venture outside of the garden for the first time. His desire is to explore the world and learn about a world mostly unknown to his kind.

=== Inciting Incident ===
The inciting incident is when Chaoin makes his first actual encounter with Dr. Eggman, and Dr. Eggman himself realizes someone is in the way of his desires for world domination. This conflicts with Chaoin's desire to explore the world as he would have no freedom if Eggman succeeded. This drives him to fight against Eggman to ensure his own desires and by umbrella rule, the world's safety.

== Response ==
Chaoin quickly realizes the consequences if the chaos emeralds fall into the wrong hands, being that their very powerful and are infinite sources of energy. Chaoin
makes the decision to ask around town for information.

=== Midpoint ===
The midpoint is an event in the storyline that the player's actions have no outcome on, where too many of the chaos emeralds fall into Eggman's hands. Knowing the fate of the world is nearing to the state of hanging on a thread, Chaoin has no choice but to make a final stand at the midpoint in the storyline and cobble together his efforts to attempt to tip the scales in his favor.

== Attack ==
Chaoin learns about citizens of Station Square complaining and talking about an eye-sore that recently popped up off of the shore. That eye-sore is Eggman's new base, the oilutopia; a semi-mobile base located on a lake of oil.

=== Second Plot Point ===
The events of the game end up cutting Eggman out of the picture and Chaoin makes the decision to visit outer space, having found top secret data files about the space colony ARK within the central computer in Oiltuopia. Here, the player meets a duo of supercomputers that run the ARK's systems.

== Climax ==
Chaoin makes his first encounter with the supercomputer duo of the ARK, codenamed ADAM and EVE. EVE warns Chaoin about ADAM's hidden hatred of "life" and existence (which stems from that ADAM is an artificial being, and therefore possibly cannot understand such concepts) and the situation begins to boil down when ADAM plots his plan and Chaoin...having gotten himself too far, realizes there's no turning back.

 

[glorious caesar]

1. the sonic franchise is horrible furryfodder and i would suggest that you don't make a sonic game bro.

2. what does chaoin WANT? your driving force of the story needs to be your protagonist, not your antagonist. all of your early points are "EGGAMN DOES SOMETHING AND CHAOIN SEES IT ON TV". wat DRIVES your hero to action?

The midpoint is when Chaoin makes his first actual encounter with Dr. Eggman.

this should be your inciting incident. your antagonist and protagonist need conflicing DESIRESand the purpose of the inciting incident is to clearly establish what those desires are.

 

[LaDestitute]

Thank you for your critique, I've read through your post and fixed my missing points in my storyline's structure.

1. What DRIVES your hero to action? What does he WANT: Chaoin wants to see the world and explore. Chaoin's encounter with Eggman, mainly with Eggman's announcement that he will rule the world: DRIVES Chaoin to fight against Eggman to ensure his freedom and by umbrella rule, the safety of the world as well.

2. The midpoint should be my inciding incident, and the antagonist and protagonist need conflicting DESIRES and the purpose of the inciding incident is to clearly establish what those DESIRES ARE: Eggman's desire is world domination and it conflicts with the hero's desires as he would have no freedom if Eggman succeeded with his goals.

In short, I bolded what I changed.