just a poem

[neomatrixjc]

"FEAR"

darkness is the life says the marvel
with deep alleyways unknown
although many travel its course alone
even though some halls are trivial

emotions are cut through with its knifes
using strategy at its best
to some a pest and others a test
never the less it has been aced many a times

a thousand of its wars only a lost of fifty
nifty to have fallen but destined to tell
some war heroes with lots of zeal
while others still in its alleyways

Strong minds are its friends
weak ones are its enemies
but in between are its struggles
minds are best when it amends

Some of its best fights lay their
replicates its itinerary does the fear
to the north, south as the east and west
morally hidden all through out time

-------------------------------------
Don't write many poems, its a poem to me but figured id see how bad i was,
well thanks for reading it

 

[mawk]

Well, you're good at putting together words that rhyme.

 

[Despain]

knifes

 

[holloway]

I have a poem.

I am a knife
Knifin' around
cut cut cut cut
cut cut cut cut
cut cut cut cut
cut cut cut cut
cut cut cut cut

 

[serrated_colon]

"FEAR"

darkness is the life says the marvel
with deep alleyways unknown
although many travel its course alone
even though some halls are trivial

emotions are cut through with its knifes
using strategy at its best
to some a pest and others a test
never the less it has been aced many a times

a thousand of its wars only a lost of fifty
nifty to have fallen but destined to tell
some war heroes with lots of zeal
while others still in its alleyways

Strong minds are its friends
weak ones are its enemies
but in between are its struggles
minds are best when it amends

Some of its best fights lay their
replicates its itinerary does the fear
to the north, south as the east and west
morally hidden all through out time

-------------------------------------
Don't write many poems, its a poem to me but figured id see how bad i was,
well thanks for reading it

Alright(I checked your age before giving you serious crits and it says N/A so I guess it'll be fine), time for some c&c stanza by stanza:

        darkness is the life says the marvel
        with deep alleyways unknown
        although many travel its course alone
      even though some halls are trivial

This seems really unorganized, like you were picking this out of your head and writing it down without thinking. I mean, for me to take this stanza seriously I first have to punctuate it according to what effect I think you were trying to get, which I will do soon. As for the actual content, the rhyme scheme correlates with the effect trying to be acheive(you don't really see A,B,B,A rhyme that often) and you were going for something UNUSUAL here, and I think you succeeded. But the thing is, it sounds REALLY cheesy. Some of the words are really of place too, and they are highlighted in italics.
For those italics, I see that you've changed subject in question(MANY does not go with ITS sorry), and furthermore the phrase MAKES NO SENSE. Actually read it dude, MANY/ITS/ALONE. This makes no sense WHATSOEVER and seems to fill lines for the sake of filling lines.
For those in bold, this is pretty much the same point, SOME HALLS ARE TRIVIAL what the hell does this mean, but moreso it's RHYME FOR THE SAKE OF RHYME which is really really horrible I am sorry.

        emotions are cut through with its knifes
        using strategy at its best
        to some a pest and others a test
        never the less it has been aced many a times

Again, it's the same thing. You seriously have a problem with punctuating, and spelling and grammer(I mean, you do not need to follow EVERY RULES if you are trying to create an effect but jesus christ KNIFES this creates no effect other than I WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE etc). From here, this poem seems like a really horrible attempt at being 'dark', and rather it becomes 'emo'. Which is not a good thing, which is the reason I am not going to elaborate on this stanza because I'd be repeating previous points.

Actually, I read it again and everything I said before is applicable to other stanzas. I hope you take this advice and become a better poet.(About punctuating the first stanza, here it is)

"Darkness is the life," - says the marvel
With deep alleyways, unknown to most
although many travel their course alone.
Even though some paths are trivial at best.

This messes up your rhyme scheme a lot, but seriously, how much better does that sound?