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I will follow you anywhere, my love - Short story

Hi all,

Thought I should share one of my short stories here. Before that, though, I would like say something: This story is very cliched, but the reason is that it's based off a dream I had and I wanted to write it down.

So please don't complain if it's too generic. ^^;

***

I will follow you anywhere, my love.

That day was so beautiful. The birds were singing as if they were happy for us, the flowers were blooming so prettily for this special day. Everyone was so happy and everything seemed to be perfect. Everything was going as just as I hoped it would. But though, I was still nervous although I should not have been. She was coming to me, walking down the aisle in her beautiful white dress, holding the sweet-smelling irises in her hands, blushing with a lovely color on her beautiful, white face. She was holding her father’s arm, walking slowly and shyly. And soon, she was by my side as we both stood before the priest. I held her hand softly, and she touched so gently. I glanced at her and smiled, and she looked back at me with her beautiful blue ocean eyes.

“Today, we have gathered to celebrate the wedding of Sir Ray and Lady Rose.” The priest said to begin the ceremony. It was my wedding ceremony, the happiest day of my life. I was finally getting married to the one whom I love the most. My beautiful, lovely, and forever love, Rose.

The ceremony continued and soon came the moment when I and my beautiful love had to make our vows. We both stood happily, waiting for the priest to continue on.

“Do you, Sir Ray, agree to marry Lady Rose, until death do you part?” The priest finally asked me. I took a deep breath and replied, “With all of my heart, I do. I love my beautiful Rose so much.”

The priest then turned to my love and asked her, “Do you, Lady Rose, agree to marry Sir Ray until death do you part?”

She nodded her head so ever shyly and with a soft, gentle voice replied, “I do.”

The priest then at last, said the words we both have been awaiting so much, “Then, with my power vested, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride, sir.”

I turned to her and she turned to me. This time, we weren’t looking at each other as a boyfriend and a girlfriend anymore. I was looking into her beautiful blue eyes as her faithful husband, and she gazed back into mine as my pretty, lovely wife. Slowly, I removed the veil from her face, unleashing a beauty of a goddess, a mermaid in the beautiful ocean. She was blushing warmly as I slowly leaned in, and soon our lips touched and were kissing each other ever so passionately. I wrapped my arms gently around her waist and she wrapped her soft arms around my neck, deepening the kiss even more. We were both happy, so happy that we could fly from happiness.



But that was six months ago, still on our wedding day. I and Rose were married now, happily and settled. We were the happiest couple in the world. I felt so carefree when I was with her and I loved everything about her. Her beauty, her pretty laugh, her kindness and beautiful emotions. Everything was just perfect about her. She was an excellent wife, caring and loving me and taking care of everything with responsibility. But sometimes, I felt that she worked too much. She always did everything to please me and serve me and I was so grateful, but sometimes I felt she was so forgetful about herself. I tried to please her, too, but she never let me. And slowly, I was beginning to notice her getting a little weaker and weaker day by day. I tried to think that it was nothing, and it was just my imagination and my love for her, but the feeling couldn’t leave me. I sometimes feared that she might suddenly fall sick or ill, and the fear was getting me although I did my best to shake it off. Unfortunately, though, I couldn’t. And soon, I knew that my fears were not illusions. They were real.

My dearest darling became pregnant and we were both so happy at the time, so happy that we would become a father and mother at last. We even made a small party to celebrate in which we invited our parents along with her sister and her husband. We had a lovely night and Rose was so happy and content. I was happy for her, but something always seemed to be off and it worsened day by day. Slowly, I was feeling that she wasn’t feeling well. Her face was pale sometimes and when I touched her hands, they felt lighter and colder. I was feeling worried for my love, my life, that a bad thing would happen to her. And it happened.

One day, just as I returned back from my job in the afternoon as usual, the house felt so quiet. I wondered where my love was and I kept calling for her, but with no reply. I decided to look in the kitchen, thinking that she may be cooking something and couldn’t hear me or what. But when I arrived, I saw a shocking sight. My love! She was lying down on the floor unconsciously, looking so weak. I quickly went to her side, trying to wake her up but with no use. I was very worried and I quickly carried her in my arms and went upstairs to our room, laying her down on our bed. I then hurriedly went to call a doctor, asking for help as soon as possible. The doctor shortly came, but he couldn’t tell what was wrong with my life but he said that she must be taken to the hospital because her condition looked bad as well as to see how the baby was. Immediately, I followed the doctor to the hospital with my car, putting my love in the backseat. We soon arrived and my love was taken to be examined. However, the most shocking news came to me. The baby in my love’s womb was not to be born, for it beat its wings like an angel in the sky.

Oh my poor beautiful Rose. When she got the news, she was so upset and sad. She cried many tears, for she hoped to be a mother so much, and now that hope was lost. Her health was going badly, too. The doctors said that she had to stay in hospital for a while to recover from the miscarriage she had, but she wasn’t improving at all. I was feeling depressed and desperate, desperate for anything out there that might save my love, my wife. I was always there for her, and she was always smiling and laughing as if nothing was happening. Sometimes she would even apologize to me that she was unable to serve me anymore, although I assured her that the only thing I want is for her to get better. But she wasn’t feeling any better than before and it was worsening day by day. She could no longer walk or run. She was always lying in bed, weak and tired. And when I was alone, I used to cry for her, to weep tears because she could no longer be happy.

And that night came on, a beautiful peaceful night with the stars shining and the winds quietly going by. I was by my love’s side, and she was awake, but pale and weaker than ever. She was looking at the ceiling, and she looked as if she was deep in thought. She then slowly turned to me and quietly called my name, “Ray…”

I looked at her and gently stroked her hair, which felt like silk. “What is the matter, my love?”

She gazed into my eyes and asked, “Ray…were you happy with me? Have you always felt…content when I was with you?”

I wondered why she would be ever asking such a question. She knew very well how much I love her, and that I always feel happy when I am with her. But nodding slowly, I replied, “Of course, my love. You always made me happy, smiling upon your beautiful gentle face. There is nothing I can ask for more when I am with you.”
She showed a smile of relief and replied, “So…if I…pass away, you won’t-…”


I couldn’t allow her to continue however. I quickly replied, “Why are you saying so, my life? You will get better, I know you will. You will be running around again happily and carefree, and I will be sure to serve you always. You served me too much, my darling. It is my turn now.”

She slowly shook her head and replied, “Both of you and I know that I have not much time left…Why deny it if it’s true?”

My tears were already trickling down fast my cheeks. I replied to her, “Please, my love, please! Please don’t believe in that. I will do everything in my power to make you recover, I promise. You will be the angel you were once. But please, I beg of you, don’t think this way, don’t!”

She remained calm and looked up at the ceiling again. She then closed her eyes ever so slowly, replying with a nonchalant reply, “Kiss me.”

I wondered what was up with her. But I had always enjoyed her kisses, and I enjoyed kissing her. And if this was her wish, then so was it. I leaned in and kissed her ever so passionately. It was the sweetest kiss I had ever given her. I felt her returning it slowly yet still passionately. Slower, then slower, then slower then…nothing.

I could no longer feel her breathes. I could no longer hear her heart beats. The Angel of Death has passed over her soul as she was kissing me. It was the darkest moment in my life, the most shocking situation, the most sorrowful sight. I felt burning tears trickling down as I called her name out loud, wishing it was a nightmare, a bad dream I would wake up from soon.

Two weeks passed since my love was placed in her lonely grave. I was ever so depressed, and I felt my depression as a heavy load on my back. I could no longer enjoy anything, and I could no longer enjoy life. I was feeling lost and conflicted without her. She was always the light that guided me on my way and without her; I felt nothing but sorrow and pain.

I tried to move away, move away to another country where no one I know could find me. I tried to forget all the happy memories we shared. Our first dates, our beautiful wedding or our married life. But it was harder than I thought. I saw her beautiful face everywhere I went to, I remembered a lovely memory every time. I couldn’t just erase her from my mind. I had no friend but her, no one to support me and be by my side but her. Her sister was sweet and gentle and always tried to lighten my depression, but sometimes I felt that she herself was depressed for the death of her sister, and I couldn’t blame her.

After thinking for a long time and suffering ultimately, I finally made my decision. I decided that if there was nothing to live for, then life isn’t worth living. I decided to take on my own life, to be with my love. I loved her so much, and I could have followed her anywhere, to the end of the world if I had to. That’s because our love was so strong and it could not be broken by anything. Love is far more powerful than anything, even death.

On a quiet night when I was alone in my house, I felt the depression then stronger than ever. I went to the kitchen where my love used to stay most of time. I took one of the sharp knives and was ready to get rid of the pain I was feeling, to be with my love. I didn’t care about anyone else, about anything else. I just wanted to be with my love, no matter what. I took on my own life, and my dead body fell on the ground as the blood streamed down, filling the kitchen. I ran away from pain, depression and life. I ran away to my love, for I will follow you anywhere, my love.
 
Love":boc35h1e said:
I will follow you anywhere, my love.

That day was so beautiful. The birds were singing as if they were happy for us, the flowers were blooming so prettily** for this special day. Everyone was so happy and everything seemed to be perfect. Everything was going just as I hoped it would. Although, I was still nervous when I should not have been. She was coming to me, walking down the aisle in her beautiful white dress, holding the sweet-smelling irises in her hands, blushing with a lovely color on her beautiful, white face. She was holding her father’s arm, walking slowly and shyly. And soon, she was by my side as we both stood before the priest. I held her hand softly, and she touched so gently. I glanced at her and smiled, and she looked back at me with her beautiful blue ocean eyes.

“Today, we have gathered to celebrate the wedding of Sir Ray and Lady Rose,” the priest said to begin the ceremony. It was my wedding ceremony, the happiest day of my life. I was finally getting married to the one whom I love the most. My beautiful, lovely, and forever love, Rose.

The ceremony continued and soon came the moment when my beautiful love and I had to make our vows. We both stood happily, waiting for the priest to continue on.

“Do you, Sir Ray, agree to marry Lady Rose, until death do you part?” The priest finally asked me. I took a deep breath and replied, “With all of my heart, I do. I love my beautiful Rose so much.”

The priest then turned to my love and asked her, “Do you, Lady Rose, agree to marry Sir Ray until death do you part?”

She nodded her head so ever shyly and with a soft, gentle voice replied, “I do.”

The priest then at last, said the words we both have been awaiting so much, “Then, with my power vested, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride, sir.”

I turned to her and she turned to me. This time, we weren’t looking at each other as a boyfriend and a girlfriend anymore. I was looking into her beautiful blue eyes as her faithful husband, and she gazed back into mine as my pretty, lovely wife. Slowly, I removed the veil from her face, unleashing a beauty of a goddess,*** a mermaid in the beautiful ocean. She was blushing warmly as I slowly leaned in, and soon our lips touched and were kissing each other ever so passionately. I wrapped my arms gently around her waist and she wrapped her soft arms around my neck, deepening the kiss even more. We were both happy, so happy that we could fly from happiness.
Cool story, bro (err...sis?) Anyways, I decided to fix your story up by pointing out/fixing your grammatical mistakes. The bolded parts are the parts that I changed and here are the footnotes:

** "prettily"? I think a better word can be used here.
*** I think a semicolon belongs here instead of a comma.

I thought the story was really good! I only felt like reading the above part though, but it was very passionate and beautifully written. Good work. Maybe I'll read the rest later :)
 
This is a very beautiful and sad story, Love.
A nice read, good work.
Though the ending was not not what I expected... *cries*

I definately enjoyed reading it.
Also you said it is one of your short stories. So I can assume you have write more?
You should post them some time.
 
@MC: Hey, thanks! Thank you for fixing those as well. I'll fix them as soon as possible. Glad you enjoyed the story. (I am a girl, btw. :smile: )

@Kuidon: Thank you. ^^ I am happy you enjoyed reading the story as well. And yup, I did write another short story as well as two novels. May post them here some time. :wink:
 
Novels... As in how long?
Me and a friend once tried writing a novel, we really didnt have the skills needed for it...
You must be pretty talented. :thumb:
 
Hmm well, the first novel I finished is about 35 chapters long. The second one is still not finished but I finished about...27 chapters of it already. It's about time and patience. ^^

The chapters are somewhat long and short in the same time-no really fixed length, I randomize. But it is long anyway. xD
 

candle

Sponsor

I only read about a third of the way so far, and I must say I'm not too impressed. You tend to repeat a lot of your words and could use some work on making your sentences flow together much more smoothly. Also, it should be "Rose and I," not "I and Rose" in the ninth paragraph.

Still, I would be interested in reading your other short stories, but I think it would be best not to post a novel on the internet unless it is fanfiction, or you don't ever want to get it published. It would be too easy for someone else to take it, tweak it, and sell it.

Also, novel length is rated in word count not chapter count. I know an author that spent 100 pages on just his prologue, and another that put only two paragraphs in his second chapter. A good sized novel, however, is somewhere around 250,000 words. Of course, it could be shorter, and it could be longer, but most books are usually 200-800 pages.
 
Hey, thanks for the constructive criticism! :grin: Yeah, I actually agree on the repeated words but that's a general fault in me, especially when writing a romantic story cause there aren't many other words that mean 'love' in English. lol

And I don't really mind if someone actually took my novel, tweaked it and sold it. lol It'll actually make me feel special somehow that someone might do that. xD

Also, that's true about word count. I think I once read that a novel should have a minimum of 40,000 words. My novels are about that, I think. ^^

Thanks again! ^^
 

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