This is a lot of "meh" at the moment. I'm not sure what you've got brewing in your head, but it's probably better than what you're typing out. I'll comment on what I can, but we can't help too much if you keep everything inside your head. :P
The goverment has failed. America is truly dead.
Just America? What about the rest of the world? This is extremely important, partially as a background element and also as a gameplay aspect. Are people from other countries going to come to America's aid? Or are they the same or worse than America. America does not equal the world~
Through times of pandemic, war, death, and anarchy everything has failed.
You need to expand on this A LOT. What war? What pandemic? When did the anarchy start and why? What caused everything to fail? Did the government(s) run out of money? Did they lose support of the people to the point that the people revolted? More details.
In a last chance the goverment hid as mobs destroyed everything.
It's good that you have organizations taking over, however I don't like the mob idea. Companies would take over before the mobs would. Unless this is in the semi-past, mobs don't have as much influence anymore, or at least not that I've heard of. Also, where do they hide? This has to be coupled with the first sentences. Are they trying to save themselves by going underground and re-organizing or do they retreat to other countries to ask for help?
It is as if tthere is nothing. As there once was morals there is now nothing.
Morals don't die. You'll still see some people preaching on the streets or creating private church-like groups. Sure, a lot of people would say "F--- this" and steal, kill, etc., but there are also a lot of people who would fight to maintain their beliefs.
The prisons were filled with people before the goverment was overtaken. You are a prisoner, lost to the very fact that no one remembers what happened the prisons continue to run. They are the last place that have seemed to hold up.
Unless this prison is on an island so that the guards can't escape or something, I don't see this as plausible. Others have expressed this concern, but you've said you have a way to deal with it. I'll trust you, but please make sure it makes sense and you're not just trying to force it.
As a "psycho" you were sent to prison for killing your whole squad in the military. This happened four years before the world seemed to die. Many of the prisoners began to question as every visit stopped. You are especially surprised when you were taken off of death row. Every day you wake up only to see more anger brewing. You hold the last newspaper you ever recieved. Every day you read it longing to see what has happened on the outside. The headline says: It's Over.
I can see this, and it could make a very good intro if you play your cards right. You need to start by creating the environment (dark, dusty, rough, etc.) and then start putting in details about what happened with the narrator/protagonist.
You awake in a room with two beds, it is dark. You get up and walk to the door. A few bars are at the top with a sign under. You scream and bang on the door, what happened you wonder as you hear some people walking down the hallway."Get away from the door",a voice outside the door says. You take a few steps back as you hear the door unlock. Two people you barely recognize comes in the room. "Hold him",one of the men says as you begin to recognize their faces. They are the doctors at the mental institution you have been living at since 19 years old when you killed 40 people as who you really are. A psycopath.
I see you changed it to a mental institution. Good choice. :wink: Now, let me make some new comments. First of all, why are there two beds? Unless he has a roommate (which I can almost guarantee he wouldn't), there don't need to be two beds. You could always add something like he killed his roommate as well, but I wouldn't just put in two beds to take up space. This room
should be small and cramped and boring, so don't try to make it bigger by adding furniture.
The situation with the doctors coming in is kinda "meh". I can't really tell you how it'll work without knowing how you're planning on tying it into him escaping and such. It could make a decent intro as "before the incident" and then do a fastforward to later or something.
EDIT: Didn't see that the new post was supposed to be an ending. Apologies about that. I assumed it was an edited intro because...well, it's very blank as an ending. Without knowing anything about his situation, it doesn't make much sense. We'll need more to give you our best criticisms. (Honestly, that might make a good intro. It's a little more powerful than hangin' out in a prison cell.)
logically speaking of course