Welcome to the greatest center for random social / antisocial development since the 1992 EVA outbreak. We do hope you enjoy your stay
[Ignore the armed guard locking the gate behind you, it's just a formality, really.] Please, if you need something, don't hesitate to ask! There is a 1/26.18 chance that I can and will be able to help :D And a 1/1.3 chance that if I can't/won't, someone else can/will.
Your avatar is strangely familiar. I feel like I've seen that man before, probably in an old movie. Was he one of the James Bond actors?