Finish the Fight

[The Storyteller]

What do you think of this, worthy of a newspaper?

In just two days the most anticipated game of the year comes out, Halo 3. Now there are spoilers all over the internet already, Argos supplying people with the game ahead of time, and the Epsilon. Two days and so many profiles will have that ? circle on their recent played games. I will be one of them. This game is one of the greatest to be made, with a great storyline and multiplayer greatness, this could be a historical day. Some are even going to the extreme as to buy the Legendary edition. I will be one of them also. So as most of the world waits for September 25, some are already finishing the fight. With leaks on the internet and fake leaks on the internet the world is just waiting to see the leaks themselves. September 25 is a day that will go down in history, the day we finish the fight. On May 16th hundreds of thousands of people put in Crackdown to play the Halo 3 Beta. This just made everyone more anxious for this games release. Oh, when I popped in Crackdown and booted up that Beta for the first time I got chills down my spine. The joy of playing Halo 3 like that felt great. Since then there has been so many more releases from Bungie. Updates on new weapons, maps, vehicles, and more. On September the 25th I will finish the fight, will you?

--The Storyteller

 

[MidnightSpider]

I used to intern in my town's newspaper and I have to say that does sound like something I would read there. And I also will be there to finish the fight.

 

[Andy6000]

No. This is not written in the tone any paper should ever take. I'd elaborate but I really don't want to. Well, I will far enough to say that you should really, really be putting paragraphs in.

 

[oceanray]

Perhaps I'm not one to talk (being pretty much a complete nobody on this forum), but I have to agree with Andy on this one.

Your sentence structure and general writing style, while perfectly acceptable in their own way, simply "don't fit", for lack of a better way to describe it, for a newspaper. I'd recommend running it by the editor, if you had a specific paper in mind, or at least an English teacher or someone like that. You'd be surprised how much help they could offer.

 

[Andy6000]

you don't have to be well known to have a well-formulated opinion. That's what makes you well-known. Either that or a non-stop barrage of insult after insult hurled at anyone that messes up even a little bit.

Also to elaborate on my previous post... This article is not impartial at all. Reporters are expected to deliver reasons, information about the material, not just throw out statement after statement. "Two days and so many profiles will have that ? circle on their recent played games. I will be one of them." - this kind of structure is completely out of the question for a paper. You, the reporter, are not important at all, you are an anonymous writer to me, the reader. I don't care what you're doing, I care about the game (else I wouldn't be reading this article). Get rid of the 'I will be one of them.' sentence at least, and make sure you do that for a lot of other ones. It cuts down on the extraneous bullshit in your article, and gives you more room to write important stuff.

 

[The Storyteller]

Alright, thank you for the responses. I will improve on it.

 

[Kraft]

Just as a note...

Usually in newspaper articles... well... they never use the word (letter?) "I"

I will be one of them, or I am getting the legendary edition... etc...
They are supposed to be writing from a slightly different point of view, more like... they are putting a description up, rather than "I bought this", or "We will all finish the fight..."


I will be finishing the fight as well, although me not having a 360 is going to make it a little difficult... ^_^

 

[Cruelty]

finish your vegetables. http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/4403 ... mr4td1.gif[/img]

 

[iceplosion]

This couldn't get printed in a school newspaper.
it's biased, uninformative and is really just a badly made Halo advertisement filled with irrational fanboyism.

Necropost, cupcake. Be more careful~