Family Stories

[High Hopes]

This is a subject I've been curious about. We all have some sort of family that we grew up with, and spent countless hours with. Having spent so much time with these people, you must have an interesting tale or two to tell us about them.

So, the point of this topic is simple: Tell us an interesting story about your family. Maybe they're funny, or serious. Either way, no good family story should be left untold here.

 

[moog]

Man this thread kind of got ignored but I think its cause it really doesnt belong in RR. Ill move this to GD.

Any ways, one time I was in the car with my older brother and my parents going to NC to pick up my sis and lil bro from my gmas. I think I was around 8 or 9 and my older brother (6 years older than me) and i were sitting in the back. So, the whole way their he keeps punching me. I complain to Dad about this and he says "CHRIS (my bro) KNOCK IT OFF." Well, he doesnt stop he just keeps hitting me in the shoulder (hes a fat dude with alot of muscle so it hurts after awhile) so I keep complaining. Dad just keeps telling him to knock it off but he's weary of the warning. So after a bit I scream STOP HITTING ME and Dad yells FUCK I TOLD YOU TO KNOCK IT OFF, STOP THE BULLSHIT (or something). My brother instantly looks into the front mirror into my dads eyes and says Fuck you!

A little note, my brother and Dad dont get along very well, so my brother didnt really care what he said. What happened next made me almost shit my pants laughing though.

As soon as he said the Fuck You thing, the car got silent, and my pops pulled over into the side of the road; a small field, if you will. No words were spoken. My mom looked back and my brother looked up for a sec, then dashed out the car, my dad right out chasing after. I was sitting in the car looking out when this happened, but 3 noteable things occured:

- Bro tried to climb a tree to escape
- Dad pulled him down from said tree
- Dad beat my brothers ass senseless

I remember laughing so hard I couldnt breathe, and ever since then my brother seriously hasnt hit me o.O its kind of weird now that I think about it. Anyways, thats one noteable journey from my disfunctional family.

 

[Venetia]

ahahaha thats awesome moog


when i was growing up my mom was a total nudist. she would traipse around naked as a jaybird like atleast 50% of the time. and her body definitely wasn't anything to advertise.
what's worst is that she would do this even when my friends were over. i always had friends who were pretty cool about it, they'd just say "yeah ... i know ____ who does the same shit". but then when i started dating boys she STILL KEPT DOING IT. so i never invited any boys over :-/

nowadays i have crazy hangups about walking around naked. hell, i'd take a shower in a swimsuit if i'd still get just as clean :x

 

[High Hopes]

That's fucking weird Ven. Everyone in my school was an ass, so if one of my friends got word of that, it would have been rubbed in my face for the rest of my life.


I've got one. A minor one about my first step dad. He wanted to make a big batch of plain eggs. I asked him to add some cheese in there. He said "No, these are plain eggs. Maybe I'll add a little syrup, but no cheese."

And he added syrup.

He made all sorts of crazy stuff in the kitchen. Turtle stew, squirrel stew, frog legs, and his own homemade beer. It smelled horrible when he made it.

 

[Ellie]

When I was 6 I refused to take a bath so my dad chucked me in with my clothes on and left me there for a while.

 

[moog]

rofl

 

[dadevvtsvre]

My sister had a brain tumor when she was 5 (and I was 3) and it took the doctors 12 hours to remove it. Ever since the surgery she's had a lot of physical and mental disabilities, and we've had to rush her to the hospital many times.

One of these times was when I was 7. It was close to 3 o'clock in the morning, and everyone was sleeping, when suddenly my sister starts wailing and screaming in pain. My dad was working nights so my mom threw us in the car and drove us to the nearest hospital a half hour away.

We were almost there when my sister puked in the car.

It was...uh, well it was everywhere. Dashboard, seat, window... needless to say, the car smelled like vomit for weeks. By the time we got to the hospital my sister was in extreme pain, and I was in agony. (hey, it was 3 in the morning and I had to listen to my sister scream for a half hour!) We rushed her into emerge and got her a room. Basically it was a lot of running around until we got her a room.

I didn't get home until 5 am. The worst part was that I still had to go to school in the morning. :[

 

[Venetia]

:[ that's a poopy story dadev ;[

here's a literally poopy story:

once i was babysitting my cousins at my aunt's apartment. i was 13 and they were 7 and 8. the apartment only had one bathroom and I was taking a dump.
the 8 year old named justin comes to the door and pounds on it saying "I GOTTA GOOOOOO".
so I say "HOLD IT!"
and he goes "NO I REALLY GOTTA GOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
so I yell "Well I'm going so freaking hold it for a minute!!!!"

then it gets quiet for a bit.

I exit the bathroom after a few minutes and look around. Then Justin walks back into the hall.
I say "You can go now."
and he goes "No thanks I'm ok."
I'm confused until I walk out to the living room where I'm hit with a huge stench:
he had taken a dump in the potted plant.

 

[moog]

ahahahaha i hate when kids pull that shit

 

[High Hopes]

Yeah, kids do crazy shit. I remember when my little sister was playing with phone and accidentally dialed "911". She hung up, and afterward they called us back. I answered. They asked if there was an emergency, etc. I gave the usual answers, then the operator asked if my mother was there. I, being twelve, believe I said to her, "I'll check and call you back."

My mom got hold of the phone before I hung up.

 

[Tindy]

Oh, 911 stories.

When I was little I used to make "music" with the buttons on the phone and accidentally dialed 911 once. Only once, but I realised I called them and immediately hung up.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then there was a cop car outside the house. XD

I don't have any crazy family stories. :/ Oh wait! I just thought of one.

I was in a book store with my host mum (that's close enough...she's practically adopted me), and I found a cute keychain of the little sootballs from Studio Ghibli movies (Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro, etc...) It was just a furry black ball with eyes.

So I hold it up for her to see and say "Mum, look what I found! Isn't it cute?"

And her immediate answer, in English, I might add, is.... "What is that, my pubic hair?!" Ahahahahahahahaha.

 

[Venetia]

:X loll thats cute AND gross :D

oh i have a gross one

when i was like 4 my mom and i were staying at one of her boyfriends' houses. He also had a daughter around my age but she was a total bitch. I was painting a little picture in her room one night and she comes up to me and goes "hey you wanna see something really cool?"

and I, being a trusting little 4-year-old, say "ok! :D"

so we sneak out into the dark hallway towards the livingroom. I hear some weird noises. then the girl (I've forgotten her name) says "check it out!" and pushes me into the livingroom.

the lights come on and i see my mom and her boyfriend doing the nasty :X
I freak out, they freak out, everyone freaks out, except his daughter, who is laughing her ass off, and I have to scrub my thoughts of it for years so I wouldn't remember what it looked like :X
(luckily i don't remember now :D)

 

[moog]

uh that was me

hey at least i used a condom :smoke:

 

[Venetia]

wow you weren't even born yet, that's skill
t...teach me your ways......

 

[Ellie]

Spermophilia

Now that's my kind of philia

 

[Daxis]

Spermophilia

Now that's my kind of philia

Including your own?


I usually don't listen to my dad's ramblings, but I definitely remember this one...

back In vietnam, my dad was in this dojo place, as a practioner. And then one day this large guy, all swaggering and crap, came in and started picking a fight with everyone. My dad and he got into a duel/fight/whatever, and then my dad beat him up. When my dad turned his back and was leaving, the other guy came up from behind to assault him, but my dad, knowing this coming, used this move where he jerked his back leg up and smashed the guy's testicles. However, cause my dad did it too hard, the guy's testicles got an infection and he died.

 

[Venetia]

OUCH that is a HORRIBLE way to die

 

[Ellie]

So we're watching rudetube (it sounds like porn but its just a collection of funny internet videos (it sucks as much as it sounds tbh)) and paris hilton's sex tape comes on, uncensored

and my mom says "why is this called rudetube 2010, we saw this video ages ago"

 

[moog]

why were you watching paris hilton bump uglies w/your mom present

 

[moxie]

One weekend I treated my 'lil sis to Six Flags. We had a total blast, but when it came time to go finally go home she didn't get, or want to get, the concept. (she's 6, so I'll blame it on her being young) We'd been there like 5 hours anyway.

I had to drag her out with her KICKING AND SCREAMING, which looked odd enough, and on the looong drive home (from Texas to Oklahoma) I got pulled over by a cop. I wasn't speeding or anything, but I think, ok, I'll humor them. The cop gets out of the car, pulls out his beat down stick or whatever, and YELLS at me to "GET OUT OF THE CAR AND KEEP YOUR HANDS UP!"

... What?

I do it, and he slams me up against the fucking side of the car. He grills me on all kinds of weird shit for a couple of minutes, then finally asks me "who the kid in the back is" and I'm like, "Uh. That's my sister." so he asks me, "Well, how do you explain that sign?"
Turns out in her RAGE at having to leave the damned amusement park my sister had apparently decided to be a little smartass and take a page out of her coloring book and write "HELP ME" in big letters and puts it on the back window.

Long story short we got it all cleared up, though it involved my sister explaining herself to him over and over AND a phone call to my mom. We finally get to go. And that cop fucker never apologized. :T

She didn't mean for THAT to happen but I still couldn't talk to that little shit for a couple of hours, I was so mad.