Fallen Sunlight

[Lexy]

http://i103.photobucket.com/albums/m136/lex_032/top.jpg[/IMG]

Spoiler: Story

The game is set in post-medieval times like 1620-1650 stuff like that. A young boy (14 years old) Tebryn has a strange mark on his left arm when he was born it was passed off as a birth mark but ten years later the dreaded Union 666 tried to take over the world by relinquishing the power of the four suns held in the Tempai Shrine. The evil lord Rio and the ten bishops broke into the shrine of thousands of monks with an army of evil and destructive creatures along with humans alike. They destroyed
the monks protecting the four sun medalions. They released all of the magic from the medallions putting the suns out and spreading the magic across the earth. The moment the suns light went out Tebryn's mark began to burn. He yelled and screamed trying to make the pain go away and soon it started to glow bright red and a small soldier about the size of Tebryn's shoe it had a small rifle
and imediatley it ran out the window and off south.

Ok thats the begining of my story. Its running towards the suns energy that escaped the medallion.

After Tebryn follows the Toy Soldier as he called it. He came upon a lake where a dim light was glowing from below the water. The toy soldier did not hesitate and jumped in it dragged tebryn down into the water with it. The toy soldier was exceptionally strong for its size. The ake was not that deep and when they roach the light it was absorbed into Tebryn's marking on his arm. It burned again as the Toy Soldier disapated back into the marking. Tebryn got out of the lake very confused at what was hapening around him so he ran to the clenicas fast as possible but the burning was making him weak. He aproached the clenic looking at the red marking on his arm he barged in waking the cleric and hhe aproached Tebryn furious but then he saw him clutching the marking trying to force the pain back into his body. The cleric layed him down and told him to release his grip on it and focus on the marking. A few minutes after doing what the cleric said the Toy Soldier came out yet again. The cleric jumped at the site but he did not try to repel the being instead he asked what happened to Tebryn tonight. Tebryn explained the story and the cleric said that the marking burns only when the Toy Soldier is dormant. If you release the Toy Soldier it stops burning correct. Tebryn nodded and over the week Tebryn stayed at the Clinic gaining control over his marking. Now Tebryn can call forth the Toy Soldier for 3 minutes time to stop the burning but he could only bring forth the Toy Soldierevery 20 Minutes. Tebryn sought out a cure to the burning because it continued to make him weak when it burned. He came across an alchemist one day who extracted part of the marking and made an antidote that would stop the burning for 30 minutes at a time. It wasnt a cure but it was a solution for the time being.

Spoiler: Screenshots

http://i103.photobucket.com/albums/m136/lex_032/title.jpg[/IMG]
Title Screen

Spoiler: characters

http://i103.photobucket.com/albums/m136/lex_032/characterTebryn-1.jpg[/IMG]http://i103.photobucket.com/albums/m136/lex_032/stormdogCharacter.jpg[/IMG]

thats it so far ther'll be more later though

So what do you guys think of it. All critism wanted and welcome ((except flaming))

 

[Siege]

Hello Graxiplon, i dont wan't you too take this offensivly but isnt parts of this identical too Harry Potter? Mark on him, burns, glows?? You decide. Also seems a bit too cliche like most games, 4 crystals, shrines, gods anything you want and you have to retrieve them. I really do hope you can make this game a success, but its too simple, if you make a more complex and original story you are bound to get more interest. But as you stated this is your first attempt so it is expected, but i do like the story idea, i will look back in this thread to see if there is any change.
Also just thought i'd add, a bit more information on the game wouldnt go a miss, look at the stickied template for some ideas, in New Projects. An attractive project thread is a way to get it noticed.

 

[Lexy]

I didn't even think it was a bit like harry potter til you said that but in that he got his scar from a curse that tried to kill him this is just one of the markings as the game progresses he gains more markings until they envelope most of his body. And hes not going after the medallions themselves but rather hes gathering the suns energy that was released from the medallions to return it to them so the world's light will be restored to the world. The energy is stored in the tattoo's on his body which burn him while they are not in use so if he doesnt have a summon out he starts to burn but if he redirects the energy into one marking it comes out as a summoned being to help him fight. I hope that clarifys that and thanks for the critism ill look at the template as well


Edit - I put my title screen under screenshots

 

[Rye]

Is that sprite next to the main character supposed to be his battle sprite or something? Cause it doesn't look a thing like him.

 

[Lexy]

yes it is and i made the sprite after i found the battler as you can see i suck at spriting and if anyone would be willing to i would greatly apreciate it if someone could make a new sprite for his battler

-Edit- I put a new character in its one of the summons

 

[Lexy]

Updates #1

-Story-
After Tebryn follows the Toy Soldier as he called it. He came upon a lake where a dim light was glowing from below the water. The toy soldier did not hesitate and jumped in it dragged tebryn down into the water with it. The toy soldier was exceptionally strong for its size. The ake was not that deep and when they roach the light it was absorbed into Tebryn's marking on his arm. It burned again as the Toy Soldier disapated back into the marking. Tebryn got out of the lake very confused at what was hapening around him so he ran to the clenicas fast as possible but the burning was making him weak. He aproached the clenic looking at the red marking on his arm he barged in waking the cleric and hhe aproached Tebryn furious but then he saw him clutching the marking trying to force the pain back into his body. The cleric layed him down and told him to release his grip on it and focus on the marking. A few minutes after doing what the cleric said the Toy Soldier came out yet again. The cleric jumped at the site but he did not try to repel the being instead he asked what happened to Tebryn tonight. Tebryn explained the story and the cleric said that the marking burns only when the Toy Soldier is dormant. If you release the Toy Soldier it stops burning correct. Tebryn nodded and over the week Tebryn stayed at the Clinic gaining control over his marking. Now Tebryn can call forth the Toy Soldier for 3 minutes time to stop the burning but he could only bring forth the Toy Soldierevery 20 Minutes. Tebryn sought out a cure to the burning because it continued to make him weak when it burned. He came across an alchemist one day who extracted part of the marking and made an antidote that would stop the burning for 30 minutes at a time. It wasnt a cure but it was a solution for the time being.

More to come later.

-Graphics-
I fixed the clashing sprites in tebryn by just remoldiling the whole sprite i hope that looks better but then again my spriting scks and that completely custom for the charset the other graphics are from Shining Force which will be credited in my game. I will make a new title screen once i get Photoshop working again but hopefully that will come in the second update.

-Characters-
Like i said i fixed Tebryn and i added Stormdog hes one of the summons you get later in the game about 25% through but he becomes a main character throughout the story.


Hope you gusy like the updates.

 

[Lexy]

Can i please get some sugestions or critism id really apreciate it i need as much help as i can get thank you :D

Edit: Also can a moderator change the title of this thread to Fallen Sunlight
i like that name alot better and its easier to say along with more catchy

 

[~Atlaswing~]

You sprited the wolf poorly.. Look at the head, its sliding to the right, it might fall off...

Also, i vividly remember SHINING FORCE by this...
And the title screen looks like everything just jumped into the empty screen... If you are attempting to fill the screen, refrain from putting too much characters... 3 or the hero himself will suffice...

 

[Lexy]

well im redoing the title screen like i said it will come in update 2 and ill see what i can do to stormdog


Edit: Ok i hope that looks better now although his head is a little low

 

[Lexy]

Ok everyone my game is getting buried here which i really dont want does anyone have any ideas for my game so it doesnt continue to get buried.

 

[Lene]

What ideas? Focus on making the game and more people will post. Right now everything looks a bit unpolished and by posting the story up like that, you've left little to the imagination.

Also the graphics are inconsistent and the title looks unappealing to me. If you don't have the ability to draw, I would suggest looking up stock images either on deviantart or a stock image site. You'd be surprised on what you could find there, and since it's stock...you can use it and claim the art as (mostly) your own. With credit, mind you.

 

[trainspotter]

I dont pull a lot of weight around here, but what I can say is that you need to come to the table with more than this. Everything (story, characters, idea) is very loosey-goosey and generic. I know the idea behind the suns and the mark and the burning and all that jazz is very interesting when it plays out in your head. But right now, to everyone else, this looks like more of a mess than an interesting idea.

My advice. let the game get buried. spend some time developing the story and the charactes. and always ask yourself does this sound to much like... (insert game/movie/book here).

 

[Lexy]

well i had photoshopwhen i did my previous title screen but for some reason the software stoped working i uninstalled and reinstalled it but still nothing hmmm... :-/

anyways i tried to make it original maybe i can make it 3 or 5 suns to get over the cliche 4 thing and ill lighten up on the story a bit ill do more characters too thanks for the advice yall

 

[Itansha]

Definetly cut back on the lens flares in the title graphic. They have become known as a very "noobish" approach to "finishing" pics and other art.

 

[Lexy]

that titlescreen isnt in effect anymore ill remove it right away and thanks for the advice ill refrain from using lens flare in my next title screen if i can get photoshop workin