Façade

[Dr. Funk]

So I found this game a LONG time ago when I saw a clip of it being played on this old machinima show on G4. I've just recently redownloaded it and got back into it. Basically, it's a conversational game where you talk to two of your old friends from high school. It works like those chatbots so you can type whatever you like and Trip and Grace will respond accordingly. The difference between this game and chatbots is that there is an underlying story here.

The real point of the game is that you are supposed you help Trip and Grace sort out the issues they are currently having in their relationship, although you don't have to go that way with it (see above image). After enter your name (well, pick from a list) you will be placed outside Trip and Grace's apartment. You can hear them arguing inside. The second you either say something or knock on the door, Trip will realize that you have arrived and will answer the door for you. You can react with the two lovebirds in many different ways, from just talking to them to hugging or even kissing them. To talk, you simply type in whatever you want to say (there is a character limit) and then press Enter. Tread lightly though, if you push either of them too far and you will be kicked out and you will have to restart. After your session is over (either you are kicked out or you "win") you will be able to save a conversation log.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSH_vrBJxhk

This game really can be a lot of fun, whether you take it seriously or not. I'd recommend it to just about anyone.

You can download it for free, here.

 

[Venetia]

I heard about this a long time ago, and forgot about it. Oh man I'm d/ling it now. It looks potentially HILARIOUS.

 

[moog]

oh god i am getting this now

 

[Fusty]

Haha this looks amazing, those faces are priceless, downloadinggggg

 

[Venetia]

What's funny is that I can only seem to get semi-decent outcomes when I just fart around and say random, non-threatening things

if i try to actually talk to them, trip leaves.

i try to flirt with them both but they just get pissy :/

 

[psiclone]

you can't flirt with them in the venetian way, you have to like, flirt with them the normal human way. things like "your eyes are intensely electrifying right now" and "i like the way your pants wiggle when you walk.. perhaps they'd look better on the floor" and the classic "damn. youse a fine motherf**ker"

 

[Fusty]

Trip didin't even let me in
Oh and apparently Trip does not enjoy the word "Melon"

 

[Venetia]

Yeah you HAVE to say 'hi', or he'll either slam the door in your face or usher you out and slam the door in your face. haha.

you can't flirt with them in the venetian way, you have to like, flirt with them the normal human way. things like "your eyes are intensely electrifying right now" and "i like the way your pants wiggle when you walk.. perhaps they'd look better on the floor" and the classic "damn. youse a fine motherf**ker"

So I was talking to Grace and said "Show me them tittays" and then Trip made a comment that I was flirting with HIM.
So I go "What no" and then Grace started bitching about her paintings. I was like @_@

Spoiler: Okay I played again, we should post our logs

FACADE STAGEPLAY
Sun Jul 24 03 08 42 2011

TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?

GRACE
What for?

TRIP
That should be obvious!

GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!

AL
This is an ugly hallway.

TRIP
Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!

(AL knocks on the front door.)

(AL knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
Uhp, he's here!

GRACE
What?! You told me it'd be an hour from now!

AL
Nooope

TRIP
No, he's supposed to be here now!


GRACE
God... Trip!

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Al!!

TRIP
Hi! It's so great to see you! -- (interrupted)

AL
Sup dude

TRIP
Uh...

(AL hugs trip.)

TRIP
Well come on in...

TRIP
Uh, it'll be just a sec while I go get Grace...

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

AL
This place sucks

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

AL
You don't have a TV

AL
What is this crap

GRACE
Al,

GRACE
Hi! How are you? I'm so happy to see you after so long!

AL
Sup!

TRIP
Yeah, yeah, how are you doing?

GRACE
Uh...

AL
I'm cool.

GRACE
Oh, ha ha ha!

GRACE
By the way, you look fabulous!

GRACE
Yeah, I'm hoping you can help me understand where I went wrong with my new decorating, -- (interrupted)

AL
Thanks baby.

GRACE
Oh, um, well... I want to ask you...

(Trip closes the front door.)

GRACE
(little sigh) With this room I was trying for a kind of post modern style...

TRIP
Well yeah, I think that comes across.

AL
Yeah I can't tell.

GRACE
but -- (interrupted)

TRIP
See, I told you he would like it! There's nothing wrong with it.

GRACE
(little sigh)

GRACE
I'm sure I can return most of this, and try to start over again on this room...

AL
I think you should. It's bad.

GRACE
Ah, yes, I've been waiting for someone to say that!

TRIP
What are you talking about?

GRACE
Trip, he is just being honest about my decorating, which I appreciate.

AL
That couch is horrific.

GRACE
Oh but I liked what you said about my decorating... Besides, I'm redoing it all this week, so...

TRIP
Well, we're all friends here, uh...

GRACE
Al, seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful times we all used to have.

GRACE
H-mmm (happy smile sound) -- (interrupted)

AL
Friends have fun.

GRACE
Y -- yeah, I've -- I've missed you.

TRIP
Huh, I just realized something.

AL
Fun is fun.

TRIP
Uh -- well, hmm, tonight is special...

TRIP
Al, remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you introduced us.

TRIP
Senior year of college.

GRACE
Oh... god... -- (interrupted)

AL
Whoa I'm old.

TRIP
Ha ha! So we really want to thank you for years and years of...

GRACE
Pain.

TRIP
Heh heh heh... Agony.

GRACE
Love.

TRIP
Uh, yeah, love, yeah, love. -- (interrupted)

AL
Yeah it sucks being me, too.

TRIP
Y -- yeah, yeah, it's great you could be here tonight.

TRIP
Oh, Al, take a look at this photo I just put up from our trip to Italy a couple of weeks ago...

GRACE
(little sigh)

AL
You guys don't care about me.

TRIP
Al, -- (interrupted)

GRACE
What...?

TRIP
Ha... Al, that's why we like you, you're not afraid to give us shit...

GRACE
Ha ha... yeah... (clears throat) Well I think Trip enjoyed that. -- (interrupted)

AL
what is this?

TRIP
Oh, you'll never guess where I took that picture.

GRACE
Is this really something you want to brag about, Trip?

TRIP
Heh, I'll tell you -- (interrupted)

AL
Italy

TRIP
Yeah, yeah, I've, I've got to tell you about Italy!

GRACE
Trip we don't want to depress our guest.

TRIP
Dammit Grace, would it kill you to be positive for once? God.

TRIP
(annoyed sigh)

AL
I'm already depressed!

TRIP
If that's how you feel... uhh... (annoyed sigh)

GRACE
Al, come over here and sit on the couch with me.

TRIP
No, hold on. Now, Al, what does this picture make you think of?

GRACE
Oh, Trip, don't put our friend on the spot like that...

TRIP
In a word, what does this say to you? -- (interrupted)

AL
Romance????

TRIP
Well, actually, this trip to Italy was meant to be our second honeymoon!

GRACE
Trip, don't exaggerate... it was simply a weekend getaway.

GRACE
Trip, darling, your obsession with that photo of yours is making our friend uncomfortable.

(AL sits on the couch.)

TRIP
uhh...

TRIP
Romance... it says... romance...

AL
Friends are fun.

GRACE
Yeah -- y - yes -- no, it was just a weekend getaway.

AL
I like food. You got food?

TRIP
I'm gonna fix us some drinks. -- (interrupted)

PHONE
** RING **

TRIP
Oh, I'll get it --

GRACE
No, no, we have a guest, we can let the answering machine pick it up.

AL
Phone

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
What? Wait, wait, let's just wait for the answering machine...

PHONE
** RING **

AL
Pick it up.

TRIP
Oh, well, h -- hold on... (clears throat)

PHONE
** RING **

TRIP
Well, Grace's parents... -- (interrupted)

AL
Pick that shit up

GRACE
Oh, ha ha ha, God, let's not talk about my parents... we've heard enough from them tonight.

ANSWERING MACHINE
** click **

ANSWERING MACHINE
You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message!

ANSWERING MACHINE
** beep **

GRACE
(big sigh)

GRACE
Al, you're not enjoying this are you?

TRIP
What?

GRACE
Listen to us, we're arguing in front of our friend.

TRIP
Grace, come on, that kind of statement is not helpful... -- (interrupted)

AL
Yeah

TRIP
What...?

TRIP
Okay, well, I was worried there for a bit you were on Grace's side tonight, heh heh, heh.

TRIP
You know what? It's about time...

TRIP
I fix us some drinks! -- (interrupted)

AL
Drinks?

TRIP
Uh, well, um, we need drinks!

TRIP
This is great... For us I'm going to open an amazing, I mean, exquisite Bordeaux.

TRIP
Best of the best, you can't buy this in stores... Very, very special -- -- (interrupted)

AL
Vodka

TRIP
Oh, come on, let's enjoy ourselves tonight, this wine will be so good. So good.

AL
Vodka

GRACE
Al, maybe you'd like just a simple glass of white wine?

TRIP
Yeah, no, we need to open this wine! Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there is to it!

AL
White wine

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

AL
Juice?

TRIP
I've been dying to try this Bordeaux for a long time, this is the perfect opportunity --

GRACE
That's not our anniversary wine is it?

AL
anything?

GRACE
That's not the Bordeaux we saved from our wedding, that we were going to drink on our tenth wedding anniversary, RIGHT?!

AL
Dude

TRIP
Whoops.

TRIP
Uhh, you're driving me insane!

AL
LOLLL

TRIP
Goddamn anniversary wine... -- (interrupted)

AL
hahahahah

TRIP
Huh? What are you saying to me?

TRIP
Grace, I do one little thing wrong, and you're cold and distant! Just one thing -- (interrupted)

AL
hahahahaha

TRIP
Okay, yeah yeah, I hear you, alright?

GRACE
(impatient sigh) Al, I...

AL
lol

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Uh huh, you...

TRIP
I know what you'll say...

TRIP
The way you keep talking about italy, damn.

AL
lol?

GRACE
Goddamn second honeymoon...

AL
Italy? WTF

GRACE
Trip, our whole marriage, you're so... controlling!

TRIP
Oh, god...!

TRIP
Alright, you know what, Al,

AL
I just want a drink

TRIP
I'm going to ask you something.

GRACE
Trip --

TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.

AL
I'm starving.

TRIP
Al, yes or no...

TRIP
Marriage is about saying yes to the other person, even if you're not sure about it, right?

AL
I haven't eaten in 3 days

GRACE
What?

AL
No, dumbass!

TRIP
I mean, if your husband -- (interrupted)

GRACE
What...?!

GRACE
Oh, okay... fine...

AL
You're so dumb :/

GRACE
You keep trying to tell me you love me, Trip, that you're so romantic, but I know you're hiding something from me, goddammit!

TRIP
Oh, Jesus...!

TRIP
Uhh! Yeah, go on, get away from me!

AL
FUCK IM HUNGRY

TRIP
I can't stand frigging looking at you!

(AL gets up from the couch.)

TRIP
What the... goddammit!

TRIP
uhh!

AL
so are we going to have sex?

TRIP
Hold on, wait, what, y -- you're trying to explain this to me?

GRACE
What? Are you talking to me?

TRIP
No!

AL
Isn't that why I'm here?

TRIP
Al, this has never ever happened before...!

TRIP
uhh...

AL
Well I'm horny AND hungry.

GRACE
Al, in -- in what you said before, about marriage... I think we've already learned something about Trip.

TRIP
Oh ho, so we're talking about me, are we?

GRACE
What?

AL
what? I said I'm hungry.

GRACE
Al, it's time that Trip finally just admits that our marriage -- -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Grace, don't, no, you don't need -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Al, does it look like I want to fix you drinks right now?

TRIP
Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us both.

TRIP
It's so annoying... Grace, why is it that anytime I want to do something nice for you, you resist it?

GRACE
Trip...

TRIP
Like I always have to convince you?

GRACE
Al, you know, we... uhh...

AL
It's called rape dude.

TRIP
Okay, Al, you know what? I think you should leave.

TRIP
I'm sorry, but, uhh, I don't know what the deal is with you tonight.

AL
What

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
We'll be fine -- just go.

(Trip closes the front door.)

AL
I'm horny!!

I think saying "rape" is an automatic out.

 

[Fusty]

Spoiler

FACADE STAGEPLAY
Sun Jul 24 12 15 44 2011

TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?

GRACE
What for?

TRIP
That should be obvious!

GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!

(Ed knocks on the front door.)

(Ed knocks on the front door.)

ED
Open up open up open up

TRIP
Uhp, he's here!

GRACE
What?! You said he's coming an hour from now! -- (interrupted)

(ED knocks on the front door.)

(ED knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
No, he's supposed to be here now!

GRACE
Trip...!

(ED knocks on the front door.)

(ED knocks on the front door.)

(ED knocks on the front door.)

(ED knocks on the front door.)

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Ed!!

TRIP
Ah I'm so happy you could make it! -- (interrupted)

ED
Trip!

TRIP
Uh...

TRIP
Well come on in...

ED
How are you?

TRIP
Uh, let me go get Grace...

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

ED
...

(ED knocks on the front door.)

(ED closes the front door.)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

(ED picks up the phone.)

(ED puts down the phone.)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

ED
Grace, hi!

GRACE
Ed,

GRACE
Hi! How are you? Oh it's so nice to see you, it feels like it's been forever!

TRIP
Yeah, yeah, how are you doing?

GRACE
I just asked him that...

TRIP
Well, I can ask him too! -- (interrupted)

ED
I'm doing great

GRACE
Aw, H-mmm (happy smile sound)

GRACE
By the way, you look -- (interrupted)

ED
How are you?

GRACE
Good! Yes! Very good. Some exciting things at work I'll have to tell you about.

GRACE
Well, come on in, make yourself at home!

GRACE
Ed, seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful times we all used to have.

GRACE
H-mmm (happy smile sound) -- (interrupted)

ED
Wonderfull times

GRACE
Oh, well, we've -- we've missed you.

TRIP
Whoa I just realized something!

ED
I missed you too

GRACE
What... -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Oh... well... thanks --

TRIP
Well that's a nice thing to say. It's nice to hear, hmm, Grace?

GRACE
(clears throat)

TRIP
So, yeah, I just realized!

TRIP
Ed, remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you introduced us.

TRIP
Senior year of college!

GRACE
Oh... geez...

ED
Yes i remember

TRIP
We really want to thank you for years and years of...

GRACE
Pain.

TRIP
Heh heh heh... Agony.

ED
You're welcome

TRIP
Y -- yeah, yeah, it's great you could be here tonight.

GRACE
Huh, you two really are getting along well tonight, heh...

ED
No

GRACE
So, -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Oh, what? ... I, uh, I want to ask you...

GRACE
Uhh, you know, I've been collecting these little -- (interrupted)

ED
I don't like Trip

TRIP
uh... ha heh heh...

GRACE
uh...

TRIP
(nervous coughing)

ED
He annoys me

GRACE
um...

TRIP
why...

TRIP
ha ha...

GRACE
ha ha ha...

TRIP
heh, ha ha ha!

GRACE
ha ha ha ha ha!!

ED
I like you Grace

TRIP
Ha ha ha, Ed,

GRACE
heh heh heh...

TRIP
heh heh, you had me going there for a sec...

TRIP
heh, ha ha... -- (interrupted)

ED
I'M NOT KIDDING YOU FAG

ED
Geez, you can be so annoying Trip

GRACE
uh...

TRIP
How can you...

GRACE
He's...

TRIP
uh, but...

GRACE
I -- I thought...

ED
Ok, ok, I'm sorry

GRACE
He...

GRACE
You know we really should... uh...

GRACE
We've got to take an -- a, a look at the... um...

ED
Tell me about your decorating

TRIP
Right, yeah...

GRACE
that -- that electric socket in the -- in the hallway...

TRIP
it needs a new th -- th -- thingamabob...

ED
Decorating?

GRACE
Ah, yes, right! Yeah...

GRACE
(long release sigh)

GRACE
yeah...

ED
...

PHONE
** RING **

ED
Phone

PHONE
** RING **

TRIP
Oh, I'll get it --

GRACE
No, no, we have a guest, we can let the answering machine pick it up.

PHONE
** RING **

ED
I'll get it

GRACE
What? Wait, wait, let's just wait for the answering machine... -- (interrupted)

PHONE
** RING **

(ED picks up the phone.)

PHONE
Grace? Hello?

GRACE
Ed, no! Please don't do that.

ED
This is grace

PHONE
Who is this? Grace is that you?

GRACE
Uhh, it's my dad, I can hear his voice.

ED
yes

PHONE
I don't recognize your voice...

TRIP
Oh!

PHONE
Excuse me, I must have the wrong number... ** click **

GRACE
Okay, he's being annoying, as usual... just -- just hang it up.

(ED puts down the phone.)

GRACE
Oh, good, you hung up. I can call him back later, or in a few days, heh.

ED
Was that your dad?

TRIP
I wanted to say hello --

GRACE
No no, Trip, we're entertaining a friend in our new apartment...

GRACE
the last thing I want to do is talk to my parents.

ED
Tell me about your parents

GRACE
No no, you've, you've done quite enough with my parents tonight, let's not talk about them anymore...

GRACE
(clears throat)

ED
ok

TRIP
(little sigh)

TRIP
Ah, Ed, you probably didn't come here to hear this, heh...

GRACE
What?

ED
How about a drink?

TRIP
Oh, yeah, uh, I'm gonna fix us some drinks in a sec!

TRIP
Ah, you'll be the first to sample from my new set of imported drinking glasses.

ED
Great

TRIP
Ha ha, yeah!

GRACE
Anyway...

GRACE
Trip, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing in front of our friend --

TRIP
Disagreeing?! We're NOT disagreeing.

ED
Drinks

TRIP
Yeah, hang on, ooh, I'm going to make you one of my fabulous drinks in just a minute, heh! -- (interrupted)

ED
NOW

GRACE
What...?

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP
Why not?

ED
I want a drink

GRACE
Okay, okay, this is getting really tiresome...!

GRACE
You know what, I'll be right back.

TRIP
Grace, what are you --

GRACE
No you two keep talking about the bar and drinks and the amazing view and everything...

TRIP
What? Where are you going?

GRACE
I'll just be in the kitchen.

ED
So Trip, how about that view?

TRIP
(frustrated sigh)

ED


TRIP
Um, Grace, darling, could you --

TRIP
could you bring out s - some of those... those... flying fish egg... uh, arugula... truffle oil vinaigrette...

TRIP
thingies... on those fancy crackers? You know, from our last party... honey?

ED
Sounds delicious!

TRIP
Yeah, well, I wish we weren't having this... uh... misunderstanding... tonight... heh...

TRIP
(frustrated sigh) -- (interrupted)

ED
Misunderstanding?

TRIP
Heh... this is nothing... we -- we -- we're just... she's...

ED
I understand

TRIP
Uh, heh heh, I'm always trying to give us the best stuff, you know, but she -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Trip?

TRIP
Yes?

GRACE
Trip?

TRIP
What?

GRACE
Trip, are you there?

TRIP
Yes, what?

ED
I thought I was getting a drink.

TRIP
Hey -- hey, uh... Ed,

TRIP
I meant to tell you, we're going to have this big, big party next weekend.

TRIP
Do you -- do you think you can make it?

ED
Yeah ofcourse

TRIP
Sweet...

TRIP
Hey, hey, uh -- why don't you, um... invite that woman in accounting you were telling me about... um...

TRIP
What was her name...

TRIP
Vanessa?

GRACE
Who?

ED
Yes

TRIP
Uhh... Oh! Uh, it's, uh, she -- she -- she's a, she -- she's this interesting woman that, uh, our friend works with.

TRIP
She's, uh... into what, skydiving... or was it scuba diving...?

ED
Trip likes Vanessa

GRACE
Ed, you've been telling Trip about interesting women at your work?

TRIP
Oh, -- (interrupted)

ED
No he is telling me

GRACE
Oh no, no, go look at Trip's Italy photo...

GRACE
By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like.

GRACE
Ed, this is making you uncomfortable. See Trip, was it really worth it to fly us all the way to Italy so you could take that inane picture?

(ED sits on the couch.)

GRACE
(little sigh) I'll take the picture down later tonight before I go to bed.

TRIP
Grace...!

TRIP
(short petulant sigh)

TRIP
Ed, this trip to Italy was meant to be our second honeymoon.

GRACE
Oh, was that what it was? Huh, I'm always the last to know.

ED
How nice.

TRIP
Y - yeah, uh -- no, n - no -- I just -- I just wanted us to spend time together!

GRACE
Trip thinks carting me off to Europe will, how did you put it, thaw me out a little bit? -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Uhh, you're driving me insane!

GRACE
Ahh, no, I'm the one going insane!

GRACE
Thaw me out...

GRACE
Trip, you think you're so romantic... but no you're trying to manipulate me!

ED
You're both pretty insane

TRIP
(little impatient sigh) -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Look, at this point, criticizing me is just going to make it really really bad!

TRIP
Goddamn... cussing...

TRIP
Grace, I -- I just want to be together, and be happy, can you just see that?

GRACE
Oh, sure, yeah!

TRIP
Can't we just do that?

GRACE
Goddamn second honeymoon...

GRACE
Trip, our whole marriage, you're so... controlling!

TRIP
Oh, come on...!

ED
I WANT A DRINK

GRACE
Alright, you know what, Ed,

GRACE
I'm going to ask you something.

TRIP
Grace --

GRACE
Trip, let me ask our guest a question.

GRACE
Ed, yes or no...

ED
I just want something to drink...

GRACE
In a marriage, shouldn't you try to help the other person get what they want?

ED
Yes

TRIP
What...?!

TRIP
Oh, alright... yeah...

TRIP
Uhh, I try so hard to reach out to you, Grace, and you reject me! You're cold! You're distant! I can't keep going this way, it's killing me!

GRACE
Oh, my God...!

ED
A drink?

GRACE
Uhh! Yeah, good, get out of my sight!

ED
Please?

GRACE
I don't want to look at you!

(ED gets up from the couch.)

GRACE
Oh, God!!

(ED comforts grace.)

GRACE
No, wait, please...

TRIP
What? Are you talking about me in there?

ED
It's gonna be okay

GRACE
I'm not talking to you!

(ED comforts grace.)

TRIP
Ed, in what you said before, about saying yes... I think that tells us something about Grace.

GRACE
Oh, so we're talking about me, are we?

TRIP
What?

ED
I think I still need a drink

TRIP
Grace, even though you're now a creative director at work, -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Ed, come on, I don't feel like fixing drinks at this moment!

(ED picks up a martini glass 1.)

(ED puts down a martini glass 1.)

ED
I'll do it myself then

TRIP
Look, let's talk about us both, not just one of us. -- (interrupted)

(ED picks up the red wine bottle.)

GRACE
God, Ed, I'm getting really tired of talking about Trip's stuff, God... (frustrated sigh)

(ED puts down the red wine bottle.)

(ED picks up the white wine bottle.)

(ED puts down the white wine bottle.)

(ED picks up the white wine bottle.)

(ED puts down the white wine bottle.)

(ED picks up the white wine bottle.)

(ED puts down the white wine bottle.)

(ED picks up the white wine bottle.)

(ED puts down the white wine bottle.)

TRIP
Let's keep talking about us both, not just one of us.

GRACE
You know what's so annoying, is when you pretend to be all 'romantic'!

TRIP
What...?

GRACE
Trip, it is such an act!

TRIP
Oh my God... -- (interrupted)

(ED picks up the white wine bottle.)

(ED puts down the white wine bottle.)

(ED picks up the white wine bottle.)

(ED puts down the white wine bottle.)

GRACE
Ed, (frustrated sigh)

(ED picks up a martini glass 1.)

(ED puts down a martini glass 1.)

ED
what is it now

TRIP
Let's talk some more about us both.

TRIP
Grace, we don't -- we don't have to do this... things are okay, we can just --

GRACE
Ed, I can't stand the pretending anymore... I can't take it!

ED
How about a threesome

TRIP
Alright, Ed, that's it, you've got to leave.

ED
nooooooo

TRIP
We can put up with a lot, but we have our limits, you know?

ED
Trip!!!

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
We'll be fine -- you should just go.

(Trip closes the front door.)

ED
FUCK YOU

ED
;(

Still waiting on my damn drink

 

[9robin3]

what is this game? :S what do u do

 

[Fusty]

Basically, it's a conversational game where you talk to two of your old friends from high school. It works like those chatbots so you can type whatever you like and Trip and Grace will respond accordingly. The difference between this game and chatbots is that there is an underlying story here.

 

[Venetia]

Spoiler: I tried being super quiet or only saying "No."

FACADE STAGEPLAY
Sun Jul 24 15 59 56 2011

TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?

GRACE
What for?

TRIP
That should be obvious!

GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!

JESPER
I'm going to see what happens

TRIP
Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!

GRACE
What -- Trip, don't give me that look!

JESPER
If I say as little as possible.

GRACE
You're going to drive me crazy!

JESPER
I'll say yes once in a while.

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Jesper!!

TRIP
Hey! I thought I heard someone out here! God it's been so long since we've seen you! -- (interrupted)

JESPER
Hello

TRIP
Yeah, hi!

TRIP
Wow, it's really really great to see you.

TRIP
So come on in!

TRIP
Uh, it'll be just a sec while I go get Grace...

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

JESPER
I'm going to stare at JPG city.

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

GRACE
Jesper,

GRACE
Hi! How are you? Oh god it's been such a long time!

TRIP
That's funny, I said the -- (interrupted)

JESPER
Hi

GRACE
H-mmm (happy smile sound)

GRACE
By the way, you look fabulous!

GRACE
Make yourself at home, come on in!

GRACE
So, Jesper, -- (interrupted)

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
Oh, I'll get it --

TRIP
No, no no no, our friend's here, we can let the answering machine get it.

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
Trip, no, I want --

TRIP
Grace, come on, don't be rude.

TRIP
It's probably just one your art gallery friends, it seems like they're always calling you.

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

PHONE
** RING **

ANSWERING MACHINE
** click **

ANSWERING MACHINE
You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message!

ANSWERING MACHINE
** beep **

ANSWERING MACHINE
Travis, are you there, it's your mother, I haven't heard from you and Grace in a while,

GRACE
Oh, it's your parents! I'll get it --

TRIP
Grace, Grace, come on, I don't want to talk to them right now...

GRACE
I want to say hello --

TRIP
No no, come on, we're entertaining a friend in our new apartment...

ANSWERING MACHINE
I'm just calling to find out if you've settled in to your new apartment, that's all...

TRIP
the last thing I want to do is talk to my parents.

ANSWERING MACHINE
Give me a call if you're not travelling, I know you're travelling a lot these days.

GRACE
Anyhow, Trip's parents... They're sweet people, really down to earth --

TRIP
Uhh, no, they're ignorant, they don't know 'black tie only' from... black bean chili.

ANSWERING MACHINE
Okay, that's all, bye Travis.

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Oh, Jesper, take a look at this photo I just put up from our trip to Italy a couple of weeks ago...

GRACE
(little sigh)

GRACE
Jesper, come over here and sit on the couch with me.

TRIP
No, hold on. Now, Jesper, what does this picture make you think of?

GRACE
Oh, Trip, don't put our friend on the spot like that...

TRIP
In a word, what does this say to you?

GRACE
Oh, god... Jesper, come over here, make yourself comfortable.

TRIP
Come on, what does this say to you?

GRACE
How about tiresome.

TRIP
Grace, please. Jesper, Just one -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Trip, darling, your obsession with that photo of yours is making our friend uncomfortable.

TRIP
uhh...

TRIP
Romance... it says... romance... -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Oh... you know our wedding picture is the first thing everyone notices when they enter the room.

GRACE
Well, geez, how could they miss it?

TRIP
Well, yeah...

GRACE
You know I don't think it really goes with this room anymore.

TRIP
Ha ha, well, you're in a contrary mood tonight, Grace.

TRIP
(clears throat)

GRACE
Yeah, I'm hoping you can help me understand where I went wrong with my new decorating, ha ha.

(JESPER sits on the couch.)

TRIP
Oh, Grace, let's not do that.

GRACE
(little sigh) You know, when I look at this wedding picture, hanging here in this room...

TRIP
Yeah everyone notices it when they come in.

GRACE
it obviously just does not go anymore... I mean, with my new decorating and all.

TRIP
Oh, Grace...

TRIP
(little impatient sigh)

(JESPER gets up from the couch.)

TRIP
See Grace, no one is complaining about your decorating, there's nothing wrong with it!

GRACE
Trip, I can't explain it, but this room is just not working, okay? -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Oh I didn't want my decorating to become a major topic of conversation tonight... I'm going to get it redone this week, so...

GRACE
(big sigh)

GRACE
Oh God, Jesper, this isn't much fun for you, is it?

TRIP
What?

GRACE
Trip, have you noticed, we're fighting in front of our friend.

TRIP
Grace, come on, that kind of statement is not helpful...

GRACE
Trip, it's okay if we disagree in front of our friend --

TRIP
Disagreeing?! We're NOT disagreeing. We're, we're not.

TRIP
(frustrated sigh) Sheejus.

TRIP
Huh, y -- you two are really getting along well tonight...

TRIP
Oh no, Jesper, I just realized... I'm sorry! -- (interrupted)

TRIP
So... drinks...

GRACE
Trip would try to serve you one of his high class drinks before even saying hello if he could.

TRIP
Why don't I make us one of my new drink inventions,

TRIP
I call it Grace's Inner Soul.

TRIP
It's a mixture of chardonnay, bitters and lots of ice.

GRACE
It's a secret -- Trip doesn't even like the taste of alcohol.

TRIP
What?! So, uhh,

TRIP
Jesper, how -- how does that sound?

JESPER
No

TRIP
No?

(JESPER picks up the advice ball.)

GRACE
Trip, Trip, our friend isn't as excited by your suggestion as you are.

(The advice ball reads, "No")

(JESPER shakes the advice ball.)

GRACE
Jesper, I think Trip is pressuring you too much... how about just a simple glass of white wine?

(The advice ball reads, "Perhaps Soon")

(JESPER shakes the advice ball.)

(The advice ball reads, "It's Definite")

TRIP
(exhale very tense) -- (interrupted)

JESPER
No

TRIP
Yeah, no, I'm going to make this drink for us!

(JESPER shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP
Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there is to it!

(The advice ball reads, "Sure Thing")

(JESPER shakes the advice ball.)

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Grace, everybody loves my drinks, you know that, don't you? Everybody!

(The advice ball reads, "Why Not")

(JESPER puts down the advice ball.)

GRACE
Well, of course Trip, after all, you got enough practice when you were a real bartender.

TRIP
What?

GRACE
In college, you were a bartender.

TRIP
How do you know about that?

GRACE
Oh I know you were trying to keep it a big secret, but... one time my friends and I went slumming off-campus to some crappy bar in the sticks, and we saw you there.

TRIP
Oh, that's great.

TRIP
Uhh, you're driving me insane!

TRIP
Goddamn slumming it off campus...

TRIP
You hide things from me! You're so distant! You...

TRIP
You do, you hide things from me!

GRACE
(impatient sigh) Jesper, I...

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Yeah, Jesper, yeah...

TRIP
I can guess what you're about to say...

TRIP
How you keep talking about the goddamn wedding picture.

GRACE
You and your damn parents...

JESPER
No?

GRACE
Sometimes I feel like our whole marriage is just for show! I don't know what you really -- (interrupted)

GRACE
What, what's that, what are you saying?

JESPER
No

TRIP
Okay, you know what, Jesper,

TRIP
I'm going to ask you something.

GRACE
Trip --

TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.

TRIP
Jesper, yes or no...

TRIP
When you're married, can you try to change the other person to be even 'better' than who yourself are?

JESPER
No.

GRACE
What...?!

GRACE
Oh, alright... yes...

GRACE
Don't you see, Trip?! Our marriage... is a sham, Trip! Don't you see that? It's all fake, all pretend...

TRIP
Oh, come on...!

(JESPER picks up a trinket 1.)

TRIP
Uhh! Yeah, go on, get away from me!

(JESPER puts down a trinket 1.)

TRIP
I can't frigging take this!

TRIP
What the... goddammit!

(JESPER picks up a martini glass 4.)

TRIP
uhh!

(JESPER puts down a martini glass 4.)

JESPER
No

TRIP
What?! What are you saying to me?

GRACE
What, Trip? Are you trying to talk to me?

TRIP
What's it to you?

TRIP
Jesper, this is not normal, this has never happened.

TRIP
uhh...

(JESPER knocks on the front door.)

(JESPER closes the front door.)

TRIP
Look, if -- if you want to go, just...

TRIP
Oh, Jesus... Christ...

GRACE
What? Are you trying to talk to me?

(JESPER picks up the brass bull.)

TRIP
I'm not!

GRACE
Jesper, in -- in what you said before, about helping your spouse... I think that tells us something about Trip.

(JESPER puts down the brass bull.)

TRIP
Oh, we're talking about me again, are we?

(JESPER sits on the couch.)

GRACE
What?

GRACE
Jesper, it's time that Trip finally just admits that our marriage --

TRIP
Grace, don't, no, you don't need to --

GRACE
Admits that our marriage is not --

TRIP
Stop it, stop it! (annoyed sigh)

GRACE
Uhh...! God...!

TRIP
Look, let's talk about us both, not just one of us.

GRACE
Trip, can't you see, it's the way you speak, the way you talk to me...!

TRIP
What, I'm not allowed to be angry?

GRACE
You tell me what to do, you don't listen.

TRIP
Jesper, I'm not telling her what to do, I'm trying to help her!

JESPER
No ...

GRACE
No?

GRACE
Ah, you disagree, see, that really helps us...

GRACE
See, Trip, you've always been this way, from the moment you proposed to me...

TRIP
Uhh...

GRACE
Let's keep talking about us, our relationship.

TRIP
Jesper, you think this is all my fault, don't you?

GRACE
See, you lied to me from the moment we got married, insisted I'd be better off in -- (interrupted)

JESPER
No.

GRACE
No?

TRIP
Thank you, just saying that should help us! Grace, I was trying to help you -- and you gladly took my advice!

GRACE
Uhh...

GRACE
Trip, it's your fault -- ten years ago, freshly married and just out of college,

GRACE
you convinced me to go into advertising, instead of art!

TRIP
What?

GRACE
If it weren't for you, I could be a real artist by now.

TRIP
Uhh... Jesper, uhh...

TRIP
That's bullshit.

GRACE
Uhh...

TRIP
Look, I think we should focus on Grace.

GRACE
Jesper, you -- you blame me for all this, don't you?

TRIP
Grace, no -- -- (interrupted)

JESPER
No?

GRACE
Why?

GRACE
Oh my God... you think I'm to blame... I'm to blame for all this!

GRACE
Uhh...

JESPER
No ...

GRACE
No?

GRACE
Uhh...

GRACE
Uhh, this is too much, I can't take this...

GRACE
Uhh...

GRACE
Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us.

GRACE
You've -- you've really held me back, Trip.

GRACE
I've wasted ten years of my life on advertising, and... redecorating...

TRIP
You can't put that on me.

TRIP
Oh my God... Jesper, uhh...

(JESPER gets up from the couch.)

GRACE
Let's keep talking about us, our relationship.

GRACE
I get so upset when I think about it... God, I regret it so much...

TRIP
What?

GRACE
Why did I let you convince me to give up painting?

TRIP
Oh, Christ...

TRIP
Jesper, uhh... -- (interrupted)

GRACE
All this stuff... mmm... Having all this money makes us so happy. We're so happy, aren't we Trip?

(JESPER sits on the couch.)

TRIP
Jesus, what do you want! Now you're unhappy because we're too well off?

(JESPER gets up from the couch.)

TRIP
Jesper, isn't it -- isn't that ridiculous?

JESPER
No.

GRACE
No?

GRACE
Jesper, thank you. That helps me. Trip, see, I don't want all this stuff!

TRIP
(annoyed sigh)

TRIP
Let's talk some more about Grace.

GRACE
Damn it, Trip, you and my parents are always planning these stupid trips I have to go on..

TRIP
They're vacations! Expensive ones at that!

GRACE
Of course nobody thinks to ask me what I want.

TRIP
Oh, now it's all my fault. Just because your parents and I get along, now it's some big conspiracy.

GRACE
God...

TRIP
Look, let's talk about us both, not just one of us.

GRACE
I think Trip's afraid of visiting his parents. He does everything he can to avoid seeing them.

TRIP
Afraid of my parents?! My parents are idiots.

GRACE
No, it's true...

(JESPER sits on the couch.)

(JESPER gets up from the couch.)

TRIP
Let's keep the focus on us, not just one person.

JESPER
No.

TRIP
You know, I can't say Grace never acts loving towards me...

TRIP
Jesper, She's all over me at our goddamn parties, trying to look good in front of the guests!

GRACE
Okay, that's it, goddammit, I can't do this anymore!

GRACE
Jesper, I know what you're hinting at, okay?!

GRACE
about us...

GRACE
about art...

GRACE
Do you really want the honest truth? Huh?

JESPER
No.

GRACE
Trip, huh?

[At this point I am just walking around in circles around the house.]


TRIP
Yes...!

GRACE
See, Jesper, I've been listening carefully to what you've been saying tonight.

GRACE
You've been pushing me tonight.

(JESPER sits on the couch.)

GRACE
And I wonder, are -- are you really my friend...?

TRIP
Grace!

GRACE
Jesper, I've got to ask you -- yes or no...

GRACE
Do you really think that...

GRACE
not defending me when I asked you if I was to blame...

GRACE
but especially what you said about trying to make your spouse better...

GRACE
and you don't even say 'yes' when I ask you if you want the truth...

GRACE
that all that is supposed to help us realize something about us?

GRACE
Is all of that arguing intended to mean something, or...

JESPER
No.

GRACE
No? Oh... I'm surprised, I would have said yes, it did mean something.

GRACE
Trip, I --

GRACE
I let you stop me from being an artist.

TRIP
You let me --

GRACE
I was afraid, Trip okay?

GRACE
I -- I admit it.

GRACE
I didn't know if -- if I could do it, be a real artist...

GRACE
And I've been using you as an excuse for why I didn't do it.

GRACE
uhh...

TRIP
uhh...

TRIP
Jesus...!

GRACE
Jesper, I --

TRIP
Jesper, I --

GRACE
What?!

TRIP
What?!

GRACE
This changes everything...

TRIP
Yes, it does change everything.

JESPER
No.

TRIP
I think it's over.

GRACE
Trip, what --

TRIP
No!!

JESPER
No.

TRIP
It's over, Grace, can't you see that?

GRACE
Wha... I just told you --

TRIP
You just told me something about us you should have said a long time ago:

TRIP
You've been using me as an excuse to not be an artist...

TRIP
And no, Jesper, please...

(JESPER gets up from the couch.)

GRACE
Trip, no, I... you...

TRIP
No, Grace, this isn't about you, or me, it's about us...

TRIP
Our marriage. I see that now.

GRACE
Us...? Our -- our marriage...? Hey, no, wait!

TRIP
Jesper, I'm sorry. Thank you, though, you really helped us.

(JESPER knocks on the front door.)

(JESPER opens the front door.)

GRACE
Trip!

(Trip closes the front door.)

(Trip opens the front door.)

GRACE
Trip!!

GRACE
Oh my God...

JESPER
No.

GRACE
I should have told him that I...

GRACE
I -- I could have told him that...

Still failed but lol

Spoiler: I tried shouting music lyrics at them.

FACADE STAGEPLAY
Sun Jul 24 19 34 52 2011

GRACE
Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?

TRIP
What, Grace... this?

GRACE
Yes, you know how I feel about it --

TRIP
I know I know I'll do it right now, alright?!

CHRIS
THERE USED TO BE A GRAYING

GRACE
You know I've had to ask you about this several --

TRIP
Get off my back! I'll get rid of it in just a minute!

GRACE
Fine, Trip... fine...

CHRIS
TOWER ALONE ON THE SEA

CHRIS
YOU BECAME

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Chris!!

TRIP
Hey! I thought I heard someone out here! God it's been so long since we've seen you! -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
E LIGHT ON THE DARK SIDE

CHRIS
OF ME.

TRIP
Uh...

TRIP
Well come on in...

GRACE
No, no, here we are!

GRACE
Chris,

(CHRIS sits on the couch.)

GRACE
Hi! How are you? Oh god it's been such a long time!

TRIP
Yeah, yeah, how are you doing?

GRACE
I just asked him that...

TRIP
Well I'm asking him too! -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
LOVE REMAINED A DRUG THAT'S

GRACE
Uh...

GRACE
So, come in, make yourself at home...

CHRIS
GH AND NOT THE PILL.

GRACE
Uh...

TRIP
Chris, let me get you a drink.

TRIP
Ah, you need to help me break in my -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
BUT DID YOU KNOW,

TRIP
Uh -- well, we should drink.

(Trip closes the front door.)

TRIP
How about a martini?

CHRIS
THAT WHEN IT SNOWS,

TRIP
Uh, well, you know what, I'm just going to make you a martini.

GRACE
No no,

GRACE
Chris, maybe you'd like some juice, or a mineral water?

CHRIS
MY EYES BECOME LARGE AND

GRACE
Good, okay!

TRIP
No no, that's fine, that's fine...

CHRIS
HE LIGHT THAT YOU SHINE

TRIP
Uh, well, it -- it's fine, it's fine...

TRIP
Grace, I don't want to drink alone, what do you say, join me in a nice cocktail? -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
CAN BE SEEN.

TRIP
Uh, yeah, I -- I was just going to ask Grace what she wants.

CHRIS
BABY!

GRACE
You know, I don't want to drink tonight.

CHRIS
I COMPARE YOU TO A KISS

TRIP
Well, I, uh -- I know what you want, Grace.

TRIP
Heh heh, Chris, seeing you brings back -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
FROM A ROSE ON THE GREY.

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
Oh, I'll get it --

TRIP
No, no no no, our friend's here, we can let the answering machine get it.

CHRIS
OOH,

PHONE
** RING **

TRIP
What? Wait, wait, let's just wait for the answering machine...

CHRIS
THE MORE I GET OF YOU,

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
Uh, mmm, well, hold -- hold on.

GRACE
(clears throat)

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
Anyhow, Trip's parents... -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
THE STRANGER IT FEELS, YEAH

TRIP
Wha... uh...

GRACE
Oh, Trip, he's just teasing you... It's good, we all need that once in a while.

ANSWERING MACHINE
** click **

ANSWERING MACHINE
You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message!

ANSWERING MACHINE
** beep **

TRIP
Heh heh ha ha ha ha, ha... -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
AND NOW THAT YOUR ROSE IS

ANSWERING MACHINE
Travis, are you there, it's your mother, I haven't heard from you and Grace in a while,

TRIP
Oh, yeah, you know, I think I'll fix you a real drink in not too long...

CHRIS
IN BLOOM,

ANSWERING MACHINE
I'm just calling to find out if you've settled in to your new apartment, that's all...

TRIP
Here's yours.

GRACE
Mmm, it's good.

GRACE
So, Chris, -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
A LIGHT HITS THE GLOOM

ANSWERING MACHINE
Give me a call if you're not travelling, I know you're travelling a lot these days.

GRACE
Oh, um, well... I want to ask you...

TRIP
Well I'll just put this on the bar for you.

ANSWERING MACHINE
Okay, that's all, bye Travis.

CHRIS
ON THEY GREY.

GRACE
Oh, well...

GRACE
(little sigh) So everybody loves this view...

GRACE
but I'd really rather see some trees or something... a natural green would enhance the colors of the room so much better.

TRIP
uhh...

CHRIS
YOUUU REMAIN,

TRIP
See Grace, no one is complaining about your decorating, there's nothing wrong with it!

GRACE
Trip, I can't explain it, but this room is just not working, okay? I'm going -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
MY POWER! MY PLEASURE!

TRIP
Chris, yeah, Grace, nothing's wrong, everything's fine!

CHRIS
MY PAIN!

GRACE
(big sigh)

GRACE
Oh God, -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
BABYYYYY

TRIP
W -- wait, wait, wait, what's wrong, Grace?

GRACE
Listen to us, we're arguing in front of our friend.

CHRIS
TO ME YOU'RE LIKE A GROWING

TRIP
Grace, come on, it's not helping things for you to say that... -- (interrupted)

TRIP
What...?

CHRIS
ADDICTION

TRIP
Okay, well, I was worried there for a bit you were on Grace's side tonight, heh heh, heh.

TRIP
Oh, Chris, I thought you might like this photo I just put up from our recent trip to Italy.

GRACE
Uhh, it's a beautiful picture of the Italian countryside, of course he'll like it! -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
I LOST MY PLACE

GRACE
Oh let's not bore ourselves with my decorating anymore, I'm redoing the room this week, that's all there is to it.

TRIP
Chris, Come take look at this!

GRACE
God, this evening is getting more exhilarating by the minute...

GRACE
(little sigh)

CHRIS
WON'T YOU TELL ME THAT

TRIP
Oh, you'll never guess where I took that picture.

GRACE
Is this really something you want to brag about, Trip?

TRIP
(little sigh) I'll tell you about it in a sec. -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
IT'S HEALTHY, BABY?

TRIP
Yeah, yeah, I've got to tell you about Italy!

GRACE
Trip we don't want to depress our guest. -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
bUT DID YOU KNOW,

GRACE
um...

TRIP
Chris, Come on, you'll like this, check it out! -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
THAT WHEN IT SNOWS,

TRIP
Chris, quit it, just drop the whole goddamn Italy thing already. -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
MY EYES BECOME LARGE,

GRACE
Chris, this is making you uncomfortable. See Trip, was it really -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
AND THE LIGHT THAT YOU

TRIP
Oh, I didn't think you cared to hear about our Italy trip... (big sigh)

CHRIS
SHINE CAN BE SEEN.

CHRIS
BABY

GRACE
Yeah -- no -- Trip tricked me into going!

GRACE
um...

TRIP
Uhh, you're driving me insane!

CHRIS
I COMPARE YOU TO A KISS

TRIP
Your... goddamn decorating...

CHRIS
ON THE GREY.

GRACE
Huh? What are you saying to me?

TRIP
You're never satisfied with anything! You're never happy, never ever satisfied with anything.

CHRIS
OOH, THE MORE I GET OF YOU

TRIP
Alright, yeah, fine... -- (interrupted)

GRACE
(impatient sigh) Chris, -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
THE STRANGER IT FEELS, YEAH

TRIP
Are -- what, w - what are you saying me, what?

TRIP
Goddamn italy picture...

TRIP
I try to reach out to you, I try to be romantic with you, but you're cold, and distant! I do, I really try! -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Oh, God...!

CHRIS
NOW THAT YOUR ROSE IS IN

TRIP
Chris, no, I'm not fixing you a drink right now!

TRIP
Okay, you know what, Chris,

CHRIS
BLOOM, THE LIGHT HITS THE

TRIP
I need to ask you something.

GRACE
Trip --

TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.

CHRIS
GLOOM ON THE GREY.

TRIP
Chris, yes or no...

TRIP
Marriage is about saying yes to the other person, even if you're not sure about it, right?

CHRIS
I'VE BEEN KISSED BY A ROSE

TRIP
Look, you don't need answer, I don't need to hear anymore!

TRIP
Uhh, I try so hard to reach out to you, Grace, and you reject me! You're cold! You're distant! I can't keep going this way, it's killing me!

CHRIS
BEEN KISSED BY A ROSE ON

GRACE
Oh, I can't believe...!

CHRIS
THE GREY.

GRACE
You're awful to me!

GRACE
Just leave me alone. Leave me alone.

CHRIS
AND IF I SHOULD FALL ALONG

GRACE
Goddammit...

CHRIS
THE WAY

GRACE
What? What are you saying?

TRIP
Grace, what the hell are you saying about me in there?

GRACE
I'm not talking to you!

CHRIS
MY POWER, MY PLEASURE,

GRACE
Chris, I'm sorry... this is a disaster...

CHRIS
MY PAIN!

GRACE
Chris, (annoyed sigh) Trip is just so...

TRIP
Oh, we're talking about me again, are we?

GRACE
What?

TRIP
Grace, we don't -- we don't have to do this... things are okay, we can just --

GRACE
Chris, I can't stand the pretending anymore... I can't take it! -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
I COMPARE YOU TO A KISS

TRIP
Look, just quit the flirting right now, I'm warning you!

CHRIS
FROM A ROSE ON THE GREY!

TRIP
Chris, come on, I don't feel like fixing drinks at this moment!

GRACE
No let's -- let's focus on us, our relationship.

TRIP
You know, I can't say Grace never acts loving towards me...

TRIP
Chris, She's all over me at our goddamn parties, trying to look good in front of the guests! -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
OOH, THE MORE I GET OF YOU,

GRACE
Yes?

TRIP
Ah, thank you, just saying that helps us...

TRIP
See, Chris, her acting loving is the only reason I like our stupid parties.

CHRIS
THE STRANGER IT FEELS, YEAH

CHRIS
NOW THAT YOUR ROSE IS

GRACE
God, Chris, can we just stop talking about Trip's stuff, please?

CHRIS
IN BLOOM,

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

CHRIS
A LIGHT HITS THE GLOOM

TRIP
Let's keep the focus on us, not just one person.

GRACE
Trip, can't you see, it's the way you speak, the way you talk to me...!

CHRIS
ON THE GREY.

TRIP
What, I'm not allowed to be angry?

GRACE
You tell me what to do, you don't listen.

TRIP
Chris, I'm not telling her what to do, I'm trying to help her! -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
IM OUT OF LYRICS!

TRIP
See, I'm the one trying to reach out to you, Grace...

GRACE
Uhh...

TRIP
Chris, what is it, is there something about me?

TRIP
It's so annoying... Grace, why is it that anytime I want to do something nice for you, you resist it? -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
I LIKE SEAL.

GRACE
Yes?

TRIP
Ah, thank you, just saying that helps!

GRACE
Trip, maybe if you didn't try to 'convince' me of things, I might want them more...?!

CHRIS
I KNOW, HE'S GREAT.

GRACE
No, please don't take sides, it's going to do more harm than good! -- (interrupted)

TRIP
No we need -- we need to talk about us both, not just one.

GRACE
You know what's so annoying, is when you pretend to be all 'romantic'!

TRIP
What...?

GRACE
Trip, it is such an act!

CHRIS
DUB-A-DUB-DUB,

TRIP
Grace, I'm not 'acting' when I'm being romantic... God damn...! -- (interrupted)

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

CHRIS
THREE MEN IN A TUB.

TRIP
Let's talk some more about us both.

GRACE
Trip, it's your fault -- ten years ago, freshly married and just out of college,

GRACE
you convinced me to go into advertising, instead of art!

TRIP
What?

GRACE
If it weren't for you, I could be a real artist by now.

TRIP
Uhh... Chris, uhh...

TRIP
That's bullshit.

GRACE
Uhh...

CHRIS
HOW ABOUT GEORGE MICHAEL

TRIP
Let's keep talking about us both, not just one of us.

TRIP
Chris, you think this is all my fault, don't you?

GRACE
See, you lied to me from the moment we got married, insisted I'd be better off -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
THERE'S THINGS THAT YOU

TRIP
Chris, you -- you think I'm lying?

CHRIS
GUESS, AND THINGS THAT YOU

TRIP
Uhh...

CHRIS
KNOW, THERE'S BOYS YOU

TRIP
Uhh, you... uhh... does anyone... uhh -- uhh...

CHRIS
CAN'T TRUST, AND GIRLS

TRIP
No?

TRIP
No, don't, don't talk me right now...

CHRIS
THAT YOU DON'T

GRACE
No, let's switch to talking about Trip.

TRIP
Grace, you know I've never wanted anyone but you...

CHRIS
THERE'S LITTLE THINGS THAT

GRACE
No?

TRIP
N -- no...! Chris, -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
YOU HIDE AND LITTLE THINGS

GRACE
Well... uhh... this is the first time you've actually come out and said that, Trip.

CHRIS
THAT YOU SHOW, SOMETIMES

GRACE
Look, why don't we talk about us, our relationship.

TRIP
No, Chris, I -- I know, deep down, Gr -- Grace and I...

CHRIS
YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET

TRIP
Heh... I mean... I -- I just think back to that Christmas Eve I proposed to her...

GRACE
Trip...

CHRIS
IT BUT YOU DON'T AND THAT'S

GRACE
No?

GRACE
You know, I used to like Christmas Eve...

TRIP
Grace... -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
JUST THE WAY IT GOES.

TRIP
Okay, that's it, no more of this bullshit!!

TRIP
Chris, I know what you're hinting at...

CHRIS
I SWEAR I WON'T TEASE YOU,

TRIP
about me...

TRIP
Do you two want the truth? Huh?

CHRIS
WON'T TELL YOU NO LIES.

TRIP
Chris, are you ready to hear it?

TRIP
Grace?

CHRIS
I DON'T NEED NO BABBLE

GRACE
Yes...! -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Chris, see I've actually been paying close attention to what you've been saying.

CHRIS
JUST LOOK IN THE EYES

TRIP
Chris, Quit interrupting me, let me finish!

TRIP
You've really been pushing me tonight.

TRIP
It makes me wonder if you're really my friend or not.

GRACE
Trip!

CHRIS
I'VE WAITED SO LONG, BABY.

TRIP
Chris, I ask you this -- yes or no...

TRIP
Do you really think that...

TRIP
praising me...

TRIP
criticizing me...

TRIP
flirting with Grace...

TRIP
and you don't even say 'yes' when I ask you if you want the truth...

TRIP
that all that is supposed -- (interrupted)

CHRIS
NOW THAT WE'RE FRIENDS,

TRIP
Wait, Chris, let me finish!

CHRIS
EVERY MAN'S GOT HIS PATIENC

CHRIS
AND HERE'S WHERE MINE ENDS

CHRIS
I WANT YOUR SEX

CHRIS
I WANT YUO

CHRIS
I WANT YOUR SEX

CHRIS
Oh shit

CHRIS
just broke the game :x

(CHRIS gets up from the couch.)

CHRIS
heh heh heh

CHRIS
oops

(CHRIS kisses grace.)

(CHRIS kisses trip.)

(CHRIS picks up a player's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his player's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his player's drink.)

(CHRIS puts down a player's drink.)

(CHRIS picks up a Grace's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Grace's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Grace's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Grace's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Grace's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Grace's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Grace's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Grace's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Grace's drink.)

(CHRIS puts down a Grace's drink.)

(CHRIS picks up a Trip's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

(CHRIS sips his Trip's drink.)

(CHRIS puts down a Trip's drink.)

CHRIS
um

CHRIS
thanks for the lovely evening.

CHRIS
you are fags.

(CHRIS knocks on the front door.)

(CHRIS opens the front door.)

(CHRIS points to the elevator button.)

I broke the game :x
Also somehow "rose" appears to be code for liquor.
ohhhh, Rosé. Huh. I get it

 

[So fist]

Spoiler: Commander Cunt

FACADE STAGEPLAY
Mon Jul 25 14 53 08 2011

GRACE
Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?

TRIP
What, Grace... this?

GRACE
Yes, you know how I feel about it --

TRIP
I know I know I'll do it right now, alright?! -- (interrupted)

(Tammy knocks on the front door.)

(Tammy knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
Uhp, she's here!

GRACE
What?! You said she's coming an hour from now!

TRIP
No, she's supposed to be here now!

GRACE
Trip...!

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Tammy!!

TRIP
Hi! It's so great to see you! -- (interrupted)

TAMMY
please, call me commander cunt

(Trip closes the front door.)

TRIP
Uh... well you're in some kind of weird mood tonight...

TAMMY
i am

GRACE
No, no, here we are!

GRACE
Tammy,

GRACE
Hi! How are you? I'm so happy to see you after so long!

TRIP
Yeah, it has been a long time.

TAMMY
i'm doing great

GRACE
Aw, H-mmm (happy smile sound)

GRACE
By the way, you look fabulous!

GRACE
Make yourself at home, come on in!

TAMMY
i hate how i look

GRACE
Uh...

GRACE
So, Tammy, I'm hoping you can help me understand -- (interrupted)

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
Oh, I'll get it --

TRIP
No, no no no, our friend's here, we can let the answering machine get it.

TAMMY
i need to lose weight

PHONE
** RING **

TRIP
What? Wait, wait, let's just wait for the answering machine...

PHONE
** RING **

(TAMMY picks up the phone.)

PHONE
Hello? Hello?

TRIP
Tammy, no! Don't do that.

TAMMY
hello

PHONE
Who is this? Travis, is that you? This is your mother.

TRIP
Uhh, that's my mother, I can hear her loud voice.

TAMMY
it's tammy

PHONE
I don't recognize your voice...

GRACE
Oh!

PHONE
I -- I think I have the wrong number... ** click **

TRIP
Okay, she's confused, as usual... just -- just hang it up.

TAMMY
how are you

(TAMMY puts down the phone.)

GRACE
Anyhow, Trip's parents... They're sweet people, really down to earth --

TRIP
Uhh, no, they're ignorant, they don't know 'black tie only' from... black bean chili.

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TAMMY
that's not nice to say

GRACE
Alright, good, maybe you're on my side tonight after all, ha ha.

GRACE
Tammy, seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful times we all used to have. H-mmm (happy smile sound)

TRIP
Ye -- yeah...

TAMMY
yeah they were great

GRACE
Y -- yeah, I've -- I've missed you.

TRIP
Huh, I just realized something.

GRACE
What...

TRIP
There's something we need to celebrate.

GRACE
What do you mean?

TRIP
Tammy, remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you introduced us.

TRIP
Senior year of college.

GRACE
Oh... geez...

TRIP
Do you remember that?

TAMMY
yeah big mistake

TRIP
Uh, well, all I can say is, tonight means a lot to me, and Grace.

TRIP
(frustrated sigh)

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP
Perhaps.

TRIP
Huh! -- (interrupted)

TAMMY
well this is awkward

TRIP
N - no, no...

GRACE
(big sigh) -- (interrupted)

TAMMY
drinks?

TRIP
Oh, yeah, uh, I'm gonna fix us some drinks in a sec!

TRIP
Oh this perfect because I just bought these classy new cocktail shakers we've got to try out.

GRACE
Trip, have you noticed, we're fighting in front of our friend.

TRIP
Grace, come on, it's not helping things for you to say that...

GRACE
Trip, it's okay if we disagree in front of our friend --

TRIP
Disagreeing?! We're NOT disagreeing. We're, we're not.

TRIP
(frustrated sigh) Sheejus.

TAMMY
by all means

TRIP
What...?

TRIP
So... drinks...

GRACE
Trip thinks he's at his classiest when he's on the serving end of a swizzle stick.

TRIP
Why don't I make us one of my new drink inventions,

TRIP
I call it Grace's Inner Soul.

TRIP
It's a mixture of chardonnay, bitters and lots of ice.

TAMMY
yes

TRIP
Ah, Tammy, you have deliciously wicked taste.

GRACE
It's a secret -- Trip doesn't even like the taste of alcohol.

TRIP
What?! So, uhh,

TRIP
Tammy, how -- how does that sound?

GRACE
Tammy, Trip's getting a little carried away... maybe you just want some juice, or a mineral water?

TAMMY
no

TRIP
Yeah, no, I'm going to make this drink for us!

TRIP
Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there is to it!

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Grace, everybody loves my drinks, you know that, don't you? Everybody!

GRACE
Well, of course Trip, after all, you got enough practice when you were a real bartender.

TAMMY
yeah we are going to have fun

TRIP
What?

GRACE
In college, you were a bartender.

TRIP
How do you know about that?

GRACE
Oh I know you were trying to keep it a big secret, but... one time my friends and I went slumming off-campus to some crappy bar in the sticks, and we saw you there.

TRIP
Oh, that's great.

TRIP
Uhh, you're driving me insane!

TRIP
Goddamn slumming it off campus...

TRIP
You hide things from me! You're so distant! You...

TAMMY
so drinks?

TRIP
Tammy, no, I'm not fixing you a drink right now!

GRACE
(impatient sigh) Tammy, can you believe this?

GRACE
(frustrated sigh) -- (interrupted)

TAMMY
what the hell man

TRIP
What? I -- w - what are you saying to me, what?

GRACE
You and your damn parents...

GRACE
Sometimes I feel like our whole marriage is just for show! I don't know what you really feel!

TRIP
Oh, god...!

TRIP
Goddamn more real...

TRIP
I like my fancy drinks, okay? I like the good things in life, does that make me a bad person? Their just drinks!

(TAMMY picks up a trinket 7.)

GRACE
Oh, sure, yeah!

(TAMMY puts down a trinket 7.)

TRIP
Alright, you know what, Tammy,

TRIP
I'm going to ask you something.

GRACE
Trip --

TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.

TRIP
Tammy, yes or no...

TRIP
Isn't the goal in life, and in marriage, to improve your life, to have more than you did before?

GRACE
What?

TRIP
I mean, shouldn't you get married so you can have a better, richer life than before?

TRIP
Yes or no.

TAMMY
no

TRIP
What...?!

TRIP
Oh, okay... sure...

TAMMY
i hate improving

TRIP
Grace, you won't let me be who I want to be! Who -- who I am! This is who I am now! Goddammit!

GRACE
Oh, don't even...!

GRACE
Uhh! Yeah, good, go away!

TAMMY
i'm a shoe

GRACE
I can't take you anymore!

GRACE
Oh, God!!

GRACE
uhh!

TAMMY
it's okay he's a jerk

GRACE
What are you saying to me?! What?

TRIP
Grace, what the hell are you saying about me in there?

GRACE
I wasn't talking about you!

TAMMY
divorce trip

GRACE
Tammy, I can't believe you have to see this...

GRACE
uhh...

TAMMY
he was never right for you

GRACE
Tammy, (annoyed sigh) Trip is sometimes so...

TRIP
Oh ho, so we're talking about me, are we?

GRACE
What?

TRIP
Tammy, look around this apartment. It's got everything anyone would ever want. But, Grace, oh no, she's never satisfied.

GRACE
Trip, ... ugh ... I'm so sick -- (interrupted)

TAMMY
yes we are talking about you

GRACE
Ah!

TRIP
Tammy, are you imagining I'm somehow... not communicative?

TRIP
No, wait a minute, I reach out to Grace, I really do...!

TRIP
I try to be open, and honest... you know...

GRACE
Tammy, Oh my God...

TAMMY
no you aren't

TRIP
No?

TRIP
See, Grace, I feel like it's you that's not reaching out.

GRACE
Uhh...

TAMMY
she shouldn't have to

GRACE
Tammy, it's time that Trip finally just admits that our marriage --

TRIP
Grace, don't, no, you don't need to --

GRACE
Admits that our marriage is not --

TRIP
Stop it, stop it! (annoyed sigh)

GRACE
Uhh...! God...!

TAMMY
the marriage is over isn't it

TRIP
Marriage, well... heh... you know, it's sad, or maybe funny, I... uhh... I always thought marriage would be easy!

GRACE
What?

TRIP
Yeah, I always thought marriage was supposed be this great thing that you'd just be happy and... and... -- (interrupted)

TAMMY
you invited me over to see this

TRIP
Yes?

TRIP
No, look, it's now painfully obvious to me I didn't know jack about what marriage was really like...

GRACE
Uhh, Trip...

GRACE
Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us. -- (interrupted)

(TAMMY picks up a trinket 1.)

GRACE
All this stuff... mmm... Having all this money makes us so happy. We're so happy, aren't we Trip?

TAMMY
my god what is this?

TRIP
Jesus, Tammy, you keep obsessing about Grace's stuff, you know that? (frustrated sigh)

TAMMY
well it looks like a dick

TRIP
You know what, Tammy, that's it, you need to leave.

TRIP
We can put up with a lot, but we have our limits, you know?

TAMMY
what it

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
We'll be fine -- you just have to go.

(Trip closes the front door.)

TAMMY
does

 

[So fist]

Spoiler: Dan Dickhouse III

FACADE STAGEPLAY
Mon Jul 25 15 34 58 2011

TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?

GRACE
What for?

TRIP
That should be obvious!

GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!

TRIP
Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!

GRACE
What -- Trip, don't give me that look!

GRACE
You're going to drive me crazy!

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Dan!!

TRIP
Hey! I thought I heard someone out here! God it's been so long since we've seen you! -- (interrupted)

DAN
Daniel Dickhouse III

TRIP
Uh...

TRIP
Well come on in...

DAN
It

TRIP
Uh, let me go get Grace...

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

GRACE
Dan,

DAN
Dan Dickhouse the third.

GRACE
Hi! How are you? Oh god it's been such a long time! -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Uh...

GRACE
So, come in, make yourself at home...

DAN
Indeed

GRACE
Aw, H-mmm (happy smile sound)

(Trip closes the front door.)

GRACE
And, I've got to say, you look really good!

TRIP
Oh, Dan, take a look at this photo I just put up from our trip to Italy a couple of -- (interrupted)

DAN
I know I do

TRIP
W -- well, um, come look at this Italy photo!

TRIP
Dan, Come here, I want you to look at this!

DAN
Why?

TRIP
Oh, you'll never guess where I took that picture.

GRACE
Is this really something you want to brag about, Trip?

TRIP
Heh, I'll tell you about it in a sec.

TRIP
Dan, come -- (interrupted)

DAN
Was it in Italy

TRIP
Yeah, yeah, I've, I've got to tell you about Italy!

GRACE
Trip we don't want to depress our guest.

TRIP
Dammit Grace, would it kill you to be positive for once? -- (interrupted)

DAN
I hate Italy

TRIP
Wha... uh...

GRACE
Oh, Trip, he's just teasing you... It's good, we all need that once in a while.

TRIP
Heh heh ha ha ha ha, ha...

DAN
No I'm not I hate Italy

TRIP
Dan, what's the deal?

GRACE
Trip, he's just kidding around --

TRIP
You know, we didn't invite you over to be... criticized...

DAN
I hate their bread

GRACE
Trip, darling, your obsession with that photo of yours is making our friend uncomfortable.

TRIP
(little sigh) -- (interrupted)

DAN
And their stupid faces

TRIP
Oh, I didn't think you wanted to hear about the Italy trip tonight... (clears throat)

GRACE
On second thought, I don't feel like sitting.

DAN
their language is terrible

TRIP
Huh, I think I forgot how well you two get along...

GRACE
Dan, seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful times we all -- (interrupted)

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
Oh, I'll get it --

TRIP
No, no no no, our friend's here, we can let the answering machine get it.

PHONE
** RING **

DAN
Martinis?

PHONE
** RING **

TRIP
Oh, yeah, let me fix us all some drinks in a sec!

TRIP
Ah it's great because you get to be the first to try my recently acquired -- (interrupted)

DAN
Yes

PHONE
** RING **

TRIP
Yeah.

ANSWERING MACHINE
** click **

ANSWERING MACHINE
You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message!

ANSWERING MACHINE
** beep **

ANSWERING MACHINE
Travis, are you there, it's your mother, I haven't heard from you and Grace in a while,

GRACE
Oh, it's your parents! I'll get it --

TRIP
Grace, Grace, come on, I don't want to talk to them right now...

GRACE
I want to say hello --

TRIP
No no, come on, we're entertaining a friend in our new apartment...

ANSWERING MACHINE
I'm just calling to find out if you've settled in to your new apartment, that's all...

TRIP
the last thing I want to do is talk to my parents.

DAN
So why aren't we drinking yet?

ANSWERING MACHINE
Give me a call if you're not travelling, I know you're travelling a lot these days.

TRIP
N -- no, n - no, my parents aren't worth talking about.

ANSWERING MACHINE
Okay, that's all, bye Travis.

TRIP
So! Drinks!

TRIP
I want to fix you something special.

TRIP
How does a martini sound?

DAN
Yes

TRIP
Ah, I was right.

TRIP
Beautiful!

GRACE
Dan, I think Trip is pressuring you too much... how about just a simple glass of white wine?

TRIP
uhh... Grace...! -- (interrupted)

DAN
no

TRIP
Excellent! It won't take me more than a minute!

TRIP
(quiet humming)

GRACE
(little sigh) Trip's favorite pastime is to get the blood alcohol content of his guests higher than his golf score. -- (interrupted)

DAN
I love martinis

TRIP
Oh, yeah, you know, I think I'll fix us another drink in not too long...

TRIP
In terms of drinks...

TRIP
Grace usually refuses to drink what I'm making, but tonight I get the feeling she'll join us.

GRACE
Um, I'd like a simple glass of Chardonnay, thank you.

TRIP
Oh, Chardonnay! Sure thing.

GRACE
(big sigh)

GRACE
Oh God, Dan, I hope you didn't come here tonight to be entertained...

TRIP
What?

TRIP
Chardonnay, come and get it.

GRACE
(little sigh)

DAN
this is great

TRIP
Anyway...

TRIP
Grace, come on, it's not helping things for you to say that... -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Y -- yeah, yeah, no no no -- we're not disagreeing.

GRACE
Okay, well, you and I are getting along better tonight than I first thought!

GRACE
You know, ever since we got married, I can't help it, I'm forever buying new furniture and redecorating,

GRACE
I -- I really enjoy it --

(Grace sips her Grace's drink.)

TRIP
Yeah, it's in your blood, you grew up with this stuff.

(DAN picks up a player's drink.)

TRIP
Here we are... hope you like it!

GRACE
So I normally like redecorating...

(DAN sips his player's drink.)

GRACE
Dan, now be honest with me, agree that this room just does not work!

(DAN sips his player's drink.)

(DAN sips his player's drink.)

(DAN sips his player's drink.)

(DAN sips his player's drink.)

TRIP
Grace, come on, what are you talking about?

(DAN sips his player's drink.)

(DAN sips his player's drink.)

(DAN sips his player's drink.)

GRACE
All day at work I design ads for apartments like this,

GRACE
and then I think, I want this style for my apartment --

TRIP
I love this style, I feel like I'm inside one of your ads, it's great!

DAN
can i have another martini?

GRACE
but... I'm -- (interrupted)

GRACE
I'm sure I can return most of this, and try to start over again on this room...

(DAN puts down a player's drink.)

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Grace, everything's fine, no one is complaining about your decorating!

GRACE
No, he is just being courteous... this room is not --

DAN
you should start over on this room

TRIP
Uhh, Grace, come on, people like it, you're the only one --

GRACE
You know, Trip, if you hadn't convinced me to go into advertising, I could have painted that painting on the wall instead of buying it!

DAN
this room is ugly

TRIP
You're never happy... -- (interrupted)

TRIP
No one has a problem with your decorating but you.

GRACE
Yeah. Anyway... -- (interrupted)

DAN
I hate that painting

TRIP
Uhh, you're driving me insane!

TRIP
Your... goddamn decorating...

TRIP
You're never satisfied with anything! You're never happy, never ever satisfied with -- (interrupted)

DAN
why did you buy that painting

TRIP
What, what's that, what are you saying, what?

GRACE
(impatient sigh) Dan, I...

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Yeah, Dan, yeah...

TRIP
I can guess what you're about to say...

TRIP
The way you keep talking about italy, damn.

(DAN picks up the white wine bottle.)

TRIP
Goddamn manipulation...

DAN
i hate italy

TRIP
Grace, I -- I just want to be together, and be happy, can you just see that? -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Hey, no, it's just going to make this whole thing even worse if you keep criticizing me!

TRIP
Alright, you know what, Dan,

TRIP
I need to ask you something.

GRACE
Trip --

DAN
can i drink this?

TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.

TRIP
Dan, yes or no...

TRIP
Isn't marriage supposed to be the most important thing in your life?

GRACE
What?

(DAN puts down the white wine bottle.)

TRIP
I mean, marriage is supposed to be the most important, meaningful thing in your life, right?

TRIP
Yes or no.

DAN
no

TRIP
What...?!

TRIP
Oh, yeah, that's fine... that's fine...

TRIP
Uhh, Grace, you keep looking for something to satisfy you -- but that's what I'm supposed to be! I'm supposed to be the most important thing, and I'm not, goddammit!

GRACE
Oh, I can't believe...!

DAN
I find base jumping to be better

GRACE
Uhh! Yeah, good, go away!

GRACE
I can't take you anymore!

GRACE
Oh, God!!

DAN
hey grace

GRACE
What are you saying? What?

(DAN kisses grace.)

TRIP
Grace, are you talking about me?

GRACE
I wasn't talking about you!

GRACE
Oh, no, don't do that! God!

(DAN kisses grace.)

TRIP
What? Are you talking about me in there?

GRACE
I wasn't talking about you!

(DAN kisses grace.)

GRACE
Dan, we're not normally like this, I don't know what's going on... -- (interrupted)

(DAN kisses grace.)

GRACE
Dan, in -- in what you said before, about passion... I think we've already learned something about Trip.

TRIP
Oh ho, so we're talking about me, are we?

GRACE
What?

TRIP
Grace, even though you're now a creative director at work,

TRIP
the truth is... you're not an artist.

GRACE
Uhh...!

TRIP
I'm sorry, you're not.

GRACE
Dan, uhh...

DAN
trip you just came out of the wall

TRIP
Look around here. We're doing well, really well.

GRACE
God, Trip, I can't believe even now you're still... -- (interrupted)

DAN
what gives?

TRIP
What?

GRACE
Dan, thank you, that helps him.

TRIP
Well, I -- I mean, this place, it... it -- it's everyone's dream, right?

(DAN picks up a Trip's drink.)

GRACE
Let's talk some more about Trip.

(DAN sips his Trip's drink.)

GRACE
Damn it, Trip, you and my parents are always planning these stupid trips I have to go on..

(DAN sips his Trip's drink.)

(DAN sips his Trip's drink.)

(DAN sips his Trip's drink.)

(DAN sips his Trip's drink.)

(DAN sips his Trip's drink.)

(DAN sips his Trip's drink.)

TRIP
They're vacations! Expensive ones at that!

(DAN sips his Trip's drink.)

(DAN puts down a Trip's drink.)

GRACE
Of course nobody thinks to ask me what I want.

(DAN picks up a Trip's drink.)

(DAN puts down a Trip's drink.)

(DAN picks up a Grace's drink.)

DAN
what do you want

GRACE
What?

TRIP
Ah, you want to know more. Thank you, that helps her. Grace, you never want to go on vacation with me and your parents - so I have to plan everything!

(DAN sips his Grace's drink.)

(DAN sips his Grace's drink.)

(DAN sips his Grace's drink.)

(DAN sips his Grace's drink.)

(DAN sips his Grace's drink.)

GRACE
Uhh..

(DAN sips his Grace's drink.)

(DAN sips his Grace's drink.)

TRIP
No we need -- we need to talk about us both, not just one.

(DAN sips his Grace's drink.)

GRACE
I think Trip's afraid of visiting his parents. He does everything he can to avoid seeing them.

TRIP
Afraid of my parents?! My parents are idiots.

GRACE
No, it's true... -- (interrupted)

DAN
this glass is empty trip.

TRIP
Dan, does it look like I want to fix you drinks right now?

DAN
no but i need a drink

GRACE
God, Dan, I'm getting really tired of talking about Trip's stuff, God...

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

DAN
trip's stuff gets me drunk though

GRACE
Dan, (frustrated sigh)

DAN
i need more drinks

GRACE
Dan, (annoyed sigh)

TRIP
Let's keep the focus on us, not just one person.

GRACE
Trip, you just pretend to like all this stuff... fancy cigars, and fine wine...

(DAN puts down a Grace's drink.)

(DAN picks up the red wine bottle.)

TRIP
You think I'm not good enough...!

GRACE
I never said that! I'm saying there's more to you than all this...

(DAN puts down the red wine bottle.)

GRACE
Oh god...

(DAN uses the answering machine.)

ANSWERING MACHINE
One new message *beep*

GRACE
Trip, why can't you be more like your parents? They're real.

ANSWERING MACHINE
Travis, are you there, it's your mother, I haven't heard from you and Grace in a while,

TRIP
Yeah, real tacky.

TRIP
Dan, Grace has always enjoyed slumming. That's why she likes visiting them.

ANSWERING MACHINE
I'm just calling to find out if you've settled in to your new apartment, that's all...

GRACE
I can't believe you. Trip, -- (interrupted)

(DAN hugs trip.)

TRIP
No, uhh... Dan, we just need to get this all under control, that's what we need...

ANSWERING MACHINE
Give me a call if you're not travelling, I know you're travelling a lot these days.

ANSWERING MACHINE
Okay, that's all, bye Travis.

DAN
i need another drink

GRACE
Dan, (frustrated sigh)

GRACE
Let's keep our focus on Trip.

TRIP
Grace, we don't -- we don't have to do this... things are okay, we can just --

GRACE
Dan, I can't stand the -- (interrupted)

DAN
look can you guys just divorce

GRACE
The thing about divorce... I -- I never used to be able to imagine myself as divorced...

GRACE
well...

TRIP
Uhh -- and now?

TRIP
Grace...!

DAN
i love divorce

GRACE
Uhh, Dan, didn't we already talk about that topic? (frustrated sigh)

DAN
so when are you getting divorced?

GRACE
Ah!

TRIP
D -- divorce? Dan, you think we should get a divorce?

DAN
yes

TRIP
Yes?

TRIP
This is bullshit...! you're saying it's over, we should just give up...?!

TRIP
Uhh...

TRIP
Uhh, you... uhh... does anyone... uhh -- uhh... -- (interrupted)

DAN
more like accepting

TRIP
Yes?

TRIP
No, don't, don't talk me right now...

TRIP
Let's keep the focus on us, not just one person.

TRIP
Grace, I -- I want to take care of you...

GRACE
Trip...

TRIP
You've always wanted that, I know you did...

GRACE
Trip... Dan, we... uhh... -- (interrupted)

DAN
grace you don't need this

GRACE
No?

GRACE
That's how it's always worked with us, Trip, you always seem to know exactly what I want...

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Grace...

DAN
come with me grace

GRACE
Dan, explain this to me!

TRIP
Okay, no, I want to focus on Grace.

GRACE
You know, anytime we talk about the past... especially college...

DAN
together we can end this conflict

GRACE
I get this sharp pain in my stomach...

TRIP
Jesus, Grace... -- (interrupted)

DAN
why

GRACE
Why?

GRACE
Ah, you want to know more... thanks, that -- that helps me...

TRIP
Grace, how can you feel that way, I, I -- I mean, we met in college, we got engaged! uhh...

(DAN hugs grace.)

GRACE
Oh, Dan, thanks, but, what we need right now is to just get all this out in the open...

DAN
what happened in college

TRIP
Okay, I'm sick of this bullshit!! -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Dan, I know what you're trying to hint at...

TRIP
about me...

TRIP
about our lifestyle...

TRIP
Do you two want the truth? Huh?

TRIP
Dan, are you ready to hear -- (interrupted)

DAN
no

TRIP
Grace?

GRACE
Yes...!

TRIP
Dan, see I've actually been paying close attention to what you've been saying.

TRIP
You've been pushing me tonight.

DAN
i don't want to hear it

TRIP
It makes me wonder if you're really my friend or not.

GRACE
Trip!

TRIP
Dan, Quit interrupting me, let me speak!

DAN
i'm not

TRIP
Dan, I ask you this -- yes or no...

TRIP
Do you really think that...

TRIP
criticizing Grace...

TRIP
criticizing me...

TRIP
kissing Grace...

TRIP
suggesting that we get divorced...

TRIP
and what you said about how marriage is supposed to be the most important thing...

TRIP
and you don't even say 'yes' when I ask you if you want the truth...

TRIP
that it's all supposed to make me realize something about myself?

TRIP
Is what you've said tonight supposed to add up somehow, to something?

TRIP
Is it? I just want a yes or no.

DAN
yes you are a giant weiner

TRIP
Okay.

TRIP
Grace...

TRIP
uhh...

TRIP
I'm -- I'm just... af -- afraid of... of being poor.

GRACE
Poor? Trip, we have so much! What do you --

TRIP
It never feels like enough!

DAN
trip you are a coward

TRIP
As a kid... it -- it was... My family was always on the edge.

GRACE
So you weren't rich, but --

TRIP
We even spent six months in a shelter once.

GRACE
Oh my God...!

TRIP
All of this stuff...

TRIP
Is a kind of protection from that ever happening again.

DAN
also what is with the music

TRIP
uhh...

GRACE
uhh...

GRACE
Oh my God...!

TRIP
Dan, I --

GRACE
I'm going to give you the truth too, Trip.

TRIP
What?!

GRACE
I painted this.

(DAN sits on the couch.)

(DAN gets up from the couch.)

TRIP
Bullshit.

GRACE
I am an artist, Trip, fuck you.

(DAN points to the big abstract painting.)

TRIP
You've been secretly painting? When --

(DAN points to the big abstract painting.)

(DAN points to the big abstract painting.)

GRACE
Everytime you go on a goddamn business trip, I paint.

GRACE
So don't EVER give me any more of your 'you could never be an artist' crap!!

TRIP
Jesus --

DAN
I'll be your private painter

GRACE
uhh...

DAN
Painter for money

TRIP
uhh...

TRIP
Jesus...!

TRIP
Dan, I, uhh...

DAN
Do what you want me to do

TRIP
This changes everything...

GRACE
Yes, it does change everything.

DAN
grace come with me

GRACE
I think it's over.

TRIP
Grace, w -- what --

GRACE
No!!

GRACE
It's over, Trip, don't you see that?

TRIP
Wha... but you just said --

DAN
yeah trip

GRACE
I just told you something about me I should have said a long time ago:

GRACE
I am an artist -- but you can't see that.

DAN
grace is coming with me

GRACE
And no, Dan, hold on...

TRIP
Yes, and like I said...

TRIP
I'm afraid of being poor.

TRIP
Grace, no, I... we...

GRACE
See, Trip, this is about me, as a person... and about you as a person, but it's not about us...

GRACE
about our marriage. I see that now...

TRIP
Us...? uh... Our marriage...? Wha... hey, no, wait!

GRACE
Dan, I'm sorry. Thank you, though, you really helped me.

DAN
see you

TRIP
Grace!

(Grace opens the front door.)

(Grace closes the front door.)

TRIP
Grace!! -- (interrupted)

 

[Venetia]

loll

and yeah after a certain point you def can't say "rape" or "dick" or anything crude b/c they flip out over it :P

 

[ancell]

Facade is a really great experience. It's an enjoyable demonstration of how close we are to actual 'free talk' in games (even if it is a bit old now). The conversation engine does recognize basic sentences and has a hell lot of keywords in the database.

 

[Dr. Funk]

I got some of the greatest reactions with this routine

Spoiler

FACADE STAGEPLAY
Mon Aug 01 23 31 03 2011

TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?

GRACE
What for?

TRIP
That should be obvious!

GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!

TRIP
Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!

(Adam knocks on the front door.)

(Adam knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
Oh, he's here!

GRACE
What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!

TRIP
No, he's right on time!

GRACE
Trip...!

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Adam!!

TRIP
Hey! It's been too long, man! How are you doing, -- (interrupted)

ADAM
I am tired of your insolence

TRIP
Uh...

TRIP
Well anyway... come in, I guess...

ADAM
Very well

TRIP
Y -- yeah, come in, heh...

TRIP
Uh, it'll be just a sec while I go get Grace...

ADAM
pesky mortal

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

ADAM
ENTERTAIN ME, HUMAN SLAVES

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

GRACE
Adam,

GRACE
Hi! How are you? I'm so happy to see you after so long!

TRIP
Yeah, it has been a long time.

GRACE
And, I've got to say, you look really good!

ADAM
I live for generations

GRACE
Uh...

GRACE
So, come in, make yourself at home...

TRIP
Huh, I'll close the door.

TRIP
Oh, Adam, you've got to take a look at this amazing photo from our recent trip to Italy...

(Trip closes the front door.)

GRACE
(impatient sigh) Trip...

TRIP
No Grace, our friend will love this! -- (interrupted)

ADAM
It smells like demon pussy in here

TRIP
uh, um...

GRACE
(nervous coughing)

TRIP
god, I don't, um...

GRACE
(nervous coughing)

TRIP
well...

TRIP
ha ha...

GRACE
ha ha ha ha ha, heh...

TRIP
ha ha ha!

GRACE
ha ha ha ha!!

ADAM
I am rather parched

TRIP
Ha ha ha, Adam,

GRACE
heh heh...

TRIP
heh, you had me going there for a sec...

TRIP
heh, ha ha...

TRIP
You're not afraid to say anything, are you?

TRIP
push our little buttons...

TRIP
heh heh, you're crazy, heh, you know that?

TRIP
ha ha...

TRIP
(big sigh)

TRIP
Anyway, uh... what -- what were we talking about?

ADAM
What's so funny?

GRACE
So, Adam, ha, maybe you can give me your honest opinion about where I went wrong with my new decorating, uhh...

TRIP
Oh, Grace, no, no, h -- how can you say that?

GRACE
(little sigh)

ADAM
there's not enough dead bodies

GRACE
Uhh, -- (interrupted)

TRIP
W -- wait, wait, wait... uh, take a -- take a closer look... You have to let it soak in a little while before you say anything.

ADAM
not enough dead bodies

GRACE
(little sigh) -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Uh, yes, but it looks a bit unattractive, doesn't it?

TRIP
(frustrated sigh)

ADAM
it would look better with death

TRIP
W -- well, uh, it, it always amazes me, how after a full day's work designing magazine ads, Grace still has the energy to decorate...

GRACE
Ha ha, heh, I guess it's just the artist in me dying to get out, ha...

ADAM
dying

TRIP
There, see, Grace, n -- no one has a problem with your decorating, everything's fine!

ADAM
death

TRIP
wasn't...

GRACE
should we...

GRACE
He's...

TRIP
uh... uh...

GRACE
what...

GRACE
He's... -- (interrupted)

TRIP
W -- what -- what we really need to do... um...

TRIP
We need to send a letter to the...

ADAM
stay away from me

GRACE
Yeah...

TRIP
that lady who, uh, brings us fresh herbs...

GRACE
get that paperwork finished....

TRIP
Oh, yeah, yeah...!

TRIP
(long release sigh)

TRIP
yeah...

ADAM
back away you mortal filth

GRACE
Adam, -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Oh, well, I've -- I've missed you.

TRIP
Huh, I just realized something.

GRACE
What...

ADAM
murder

TRIP
Okay, Adam, you know what? I think you should leave.

ADAM
NO!

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
We'll be fine -- you just have to go.

(Trip closes the front door.)

ADAM
DON'T SHUN ME MORTAL!!!