Disangan:Forces Of Alodia(Recruiting People)

[Kiku Maru Extreme]

Credits To Axerax

Story/Plot:
In the year 2100 the earth was at war, there was no peace. It all started when earth launched a missile at mars, what they didn't know was that there were extraterrestrial life forms or aliens on mar. Ever since then, the aliens attacked earth and so a war started. You play as a man working for the US army, using mechs you will fight aliens and help earth get back peace. Get back lands conquered by the aliens meet different kind of aliens, different side of aliens good or bad and bring back earth glory.

Playable Characters:

Name:Owen
Suit Type:Aero Majona
Mech:Gelarsaur Spartan
Rank:Admiral
Age:???
About Owen:
Many people says to have attain immortality, he lives in the base set up by the US army on moon, ever since born Owen has been lonely because his parents was killed when the aliens attacked. Owen wears the Alpha 766 suit when he is in space, using his mech and fighting enemys. He owns a robot named Gachak who is also his only friend, many people treat Gachak like it is only a normal robot who listens to it's master command.

Name:Gachak
Suit Type:Mechanic Tusker
Mech:NUN 177
Rank:Mech Engineer
Age:No Age
About Gachak:
Gachak was Owen's Mech Engineer, Gachak was also Owen's only friend because Owen is the one who build Gachak. When Gachak was first build, he was just a obedient robot who obeys any command said by Owen but one day Gachak was wandering around finding a cable but he accidentally touched the Energy Vortax cable and got shocked by the Energy Vortax and ever since then he had a mind of his own. When Gachak got a brain of his own he and Owen soon became friends, he helped Owen build his first mech which is the NUN 100 but now the NUN 100 has became Gelarsaur Spartan by the parts of the US army and spare parts found in the junkyard by Gachak.

Name:Kain
Suit Type:Ormanite Vusk
Mech:PROTOCOL SPARTAN
Rank:Captain
Age:25
About Kain:
Kain's father was the head of all the military forces in the US army. Kain is a flirty kind of guy who isn't serious about his job, he has never go on a battle before. Since five, Kain has been training in the Academy Of Military, he was serious about his work when he was young but when he grew up he felt like he don't want to be a captain anymore but how hard he tries to beg his father he doesn't want to be a high ranking person but his father always just tells him he will never become a low ranked soldier.

Recruit/Members:
Leader/Eventer/Writer:Me
Spriter:PM ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THIS JOB
Face Artist:PM ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THIS JOB
Mapper:PM ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THIS JOB
Scripter:PM ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THIS JOB

Credits:
Blizzard-(Blizz ABS)
Knight Blade-(Sprites)
Sithjester-(Sprites)
Studio Pickle-(Sprites)
Dubelax-(AMS)
Ryex-(Weapon Unleash)

Please Critique the game and tell me where i can improve it.

 

[Mr. M]

I think you might need to work on the story a bit.

Why would Earth shoot a missile at Mars?

How would there be many different aliens if, from what I read, Earth is at war with Mars? That would leave it to Earth vs. Martians

How come your characters look like they fell out of star wars? And I'm guessing the storm trooper and Boba Fett (or whatever) are the mechs?

It seems like you either didn't reread what you wrote, because your descriptions don't make sense in some places. Also there are a bunch of terms that do nothing for someone that has only read what you wrote for the story.

Why would Kain ever want to be a low ranked soldier? What are suit types? Why is Owen immortal? Nothing else in your story shows anything about magic, but out of no where someone lives on the moon and becomes immortal ?

Theres just a bunch of stuff you have to rewrite I think.

Also what about your game would set it apart from all these other games, besides obviously the Blizz battle system that I saw on your credits. Theres nothing that really talks about your gameplay besides the one line about using Mechs. Do you not fight with the playable characters?