[DEMO] Dark Horizons [CANCELED]

[ShadowMainZERO]

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=ceebdd1c19f0f80a1f8e0fff488e27e0e04e75f6e8ebb871

Lead Producer: Shadow Main ZERO
Co-Producer: becoolioman
Scripts:
Side view Battle System Tneakia(???) XP
Universal Massage System
Letter System (being created atm by Phoenix Tilea)
What's being changed:
All Maps
Story
Characters

NOTICE: Some details in the story and screen shots posted are now obsolete. I will post the new ones with the new download.

Spoiler: Story

Prologue:
Max is a young boy living in a small town in the suburbs of the castle town, overlooked by the magnificent castle. Max, a 10 year old kid, lives a rather simple life with his dad. His father is one of the town’s handymen and fisherman. One day Max had just woken up and headed down stairs to be greeted by his father. What he requested was for Max to go down to the item shop and pick up a package. Already bored with his life as is, Max questioned as to weather-or-not he would ever do anything exiting.

After the quick and monotonous chore, Max returned home with what he discovered to be new fishing gear. Not done with him yet, his father asked him to go meet some friends of his who where staying at the local inn. There Max meets a young boy about his age by the name of Samuel. He, his mother, and father came from the castle town. His mother wanted to move to Max’s village but, alas alack, her husband though otherwise. Wanting to take another try at convincing him, Samuel’s mother sent Max to find him and try to get him to move.

After Max found the husband dawdling in front of the town hall, he quickly started to address him on what his wife so desired. After he admitted that he knew about his wife wanting to move here, Max started to question why he refused to do so. Presenting feeble reasons as to why he didn’t want to move here allowed Max an easy victory. Finished with the slightly more interesting task, Max returned to report his success to Samuel’s mother.

Four years have passed since that day. Max is growing into a fine young man and is going to the town for schooling. Aside from that he is taking on more responsibilities around the house and village. Now on vacation he and his father decide to spend the day fishing at their favorite spot. Once there they relaxed and had an extraordinarily good time. Although, their joyful trip would soon be effected by a mysterious turn of events.

Spoiler: Screen Shots

These screen shots are obsolete. Although they serve their perouse for the current dowloadable version.

This is simply the first step in proceding with the story.

Just later in Prolog 1.

 

[ebhz.Ash.4rm]

The typo's are burning my eyes, you haven't got nearly enough info. Add details on story, characters, gameplay and general game details that make the game yours. You need 2 screenshots as well. Look at other threads for examples on how to successfully pull this off.

It's not interested me in the slightest, this would just die if left alone, even if mods didn't close it.

 

[dadevvtsvre]

PixelJunk.Eden is right, you are missing a lot of information. We have a set of minimum requirements for a project thread, and they honestly aren't that hard to do. Give us at least two screenshots and one (full) paragraph of information on the story, although generally the more info the better. SInce your thread has neither of these requirements it will be locked unless you modify it so it's up to par with the rules.

 

[ShadowMainZERO]

I added the paragraph. The screen shots will come not TOO long from now.

EDIT: Hey guys. I have a new update on the way. All I have to do is iorn out bugs with the UMS and It will be ready. In the mean time dose anyone have any comments?

 

[Dalton]

First of all a little lesson about habits people developed around here: If they are looking at a project discussion thread most people will look at the screenshots first.

That said: Your screenshots are not very good... Your mapping is bland and will not attract people. I suggest reading mapping tutorials and posting in "Mapping Improvement", to get some idea how a map should look like.

Your spelling is horrible. You should try to correct it, so that people will not get turned off when they just started to read.

When a plot summary begins with the words "Up to this point", I start crying. People don't want to know what part of the story you already made in RMXP, but what this game will be about.
A boy fetching a package doesn't sound very exciting to me.

Hope this helps

~Dalton~

 

[friend]

Your mapping is bland like Dalton said.

And your story is erm...

speechless?

Sure, people may call me a cliche-hater, but seriously, this is a junk all into one package.

REMAKE THE WHOLE STORY, ITS TOO GENERIC.

Especially with the 10-year old kid over there, I should push him down a cliff, he will never survive

 

[dadevvtsvre]

I'm just going to give you a little tip that I give to a lot of new RMXP users-using the default windowskin and font is not a good idea. Nearly every single person who has created their first or second or even third game uses the defult windowskin and font, and frankly, people are starting to get tired of it. Finding a simple looking windowskin is not hard, considering there are hundreds of 'em floating around on the Internet somewhere, and replacing the font is as simple as inserting one line of code into one of the scripts. When people see the default stuff they already know this is one of your first games which automatically puts a lot of people off. (the RMXP default stuff doesn't look that good anyway)

Keep the font legible though! If you remember anything I tell you here, just keep it legible. If I have to read a windowbox more than once to read what it says, you need to pick a new font.

 

[ShadowMainZERO]

Dalton: Sorry about the screen shots. I will update them when I fix the bugs with the UMS. As for the maps, I showed all most all of them to Tindy and others on the Map Improvement Thread and I got to a point where they where good so... The spelling, I haven't noticed anything wrong after I fixed it. Can you point them out? The plot summary, well, I don't want to spoil anything but if it makes you happy then I will make it up to the start of Chapter 1. As for the quest it ISN'T supposed to be exiting. It's kinda like a day to day thing. Honestly the first part of proloug 2 will be this way.

Justin: Mapping, see Dalton. And of course the "story" is bland! It isn't even the first minute of the game! And trust me, my story isn't really generic. It may seem so now but it isn't.

Dadevster: Okay. I know what I will chnage the windo skin to and as for the font it will probably be Times New Roman, I need a font with italics and bold.

EDIT: What did you guys think about the mayor?

 

[bacon]

When I try to download it, it doent download. Try new host.

^_^

 

[Dalton]

Dalton: Sorry about the screen shots. I will update them when I fix the bugs with the UMS. As for the maps, I showed all most all of them to Tindy and others on the Map Improvement Thread and I got to a point where they where good so... The spelling, I haven't noticed anything wrong after I fixed it. Can you point them out? The plot summary, well, I don't want to spoil anything but if it makes you happy then I will make it up to the start of Chapter 1. As for the quest it ISN'T supposed to be exiting. It's kinda like a day to day thing. Honestly the first part of proloug 2 will be this way.

Justin: Mapping, see Dalton. And of course the "story" is bland! It isn't even the first minute of the game! And trust me, my story isn't really generic. It may seem so now but it isn't.

Dadevster: Okay. I know what I will chnage the windo skin to and as for the font it will probably be Times New Roman, I need a font with italics and bold.

EDIT: What did you guys think about the mayor?

I just looked at the Maaping Improvment, and I can't see anyone telling you, that your maps are good. They are just saying that they are better than what they originally were.
I would rather have someone else than me look into your spelling, as english isn't my first language.

That the story you posted is less than the first minute of your game, is exactly my problem. I don't want to know what the first minute is about. I want to know what the whole game is about.
Do you think anyone would have bought... lets say Eternal Sonata (because I played that one recently) if the plot summary would have been: "A little girl named Polka, is talking to her mother about waves in the ocean."?

 

[Nachos]

you should check the Mapping improvement threads in other to improve your maps.
I've read you have been working with XP for only a week so your maps look pretty good for that amount of time.


btw its prologue

 

[ShadowMainZERO]

Okay I'll work on the maps. As for the WHOLE story, I'm sorry but I can't give it to you because I don't know the whole story but I CAN give you the overview of the prologue [Paragraph updated, in a minute].

Thanks for the spelling correction nachos. Spelling was never my forte, nor my famalies.

 

[bacon]

Hey, would you put it on a new host, I would love to help. Ive only said this once before though.

^_^

 

[Dalton]

Okay I'll work on the maps. As for the WHOLE story, I'm sorry but I can't give it to you because I don't know the whole story but I CAN give you the overview of the prologue [Paragraph updated, in a minute].

Thanks for the spelling correction nachos. Spelling was never my forte, nor my famalies.

Sorry for still being so negative, but...

Not knowing the story you are writing is a huge mistake. If you are making up the story as you go along you are bound to make errors in your logic. Often things you think are cool don't make even sense, because you said something somewhere else that contradicts this new statement.
Those storys tend to be bad. so before you do your game have a plot in mind.

 

[ShadowMainZERO]

Okay I'll work on the maps. As for the WHOLE story, I'm sorry but I can't give it to you because I don't know the whole story but I CAN give you the overview of the prologue [Paragraph updated, in a minute].

Thanks for the spelling correction nachos. Spelling was never my forte, nor my famalies.

Sorry for still being so negative, but...

Not knowing the story you are writing is a huge mistake. If you are making up the story as you go along you are bound to make errors in your logic. Often things you think are cool don't make even sense, because you said something somewhere else that contradicts this new statement.
Those storys tend to be bad. so before you do your game have a plot in mind.

I don't know the WHOLE story but I do have an OVERVIEW of it. See, I work on one part at a time. When that is finished I move on. The story for the prologue is 98% completed. When I'm done with that I will work on the story for the next part. I do have the first small section of Ch 1 done though.

EDIT: I'll ask again. What do you guys think of the mayor?

 

[ShadowMainZERO]

MASSIVE BUMP!!!! More stuff to come later.

 

[ebhz.Ash.4rm]

You really should clean up your first post just so it's more digestible to readers, half the stuff I don't read is because it's a wall of text or full or spelling mistakes. Yours isn't a wall more a small fence but you should spread out the information and put it under headers and in spoilers if it's too much for a bite size paragraph.

You just don't get it, if you're going to be posting up about your game project to prospective players then you need to tell them about what they'll be playing. You could have a stunning prologue told through the most intimate of cutscenes and then fail completely once it comes round to the actual game because of poor planning or a number of other reasons. Get at least the main events for the story worked out, why they happen, the characters involved, how it affects those involved, how it affects the in game world on a whole and what it leads on to happening later, this way you can have minimal holes in your story and also build up your characters through the events happening.

Now what you should post up isn't with the most intense detail about every event that happens in game but just a taste of the beginnings and make us contemplate what will happen over it's course. It can be a predictable story and still fun to play because you know what you will do and know you'll enjoy it, or an unpredictable one where there are twists in the most unexpected way but in what you put up here you should make us curious of which it will be.

Same goes for backstory and character info, enough to gain our interest and so we can know that the characters have been developed but don't give it all away from the get go. What you shouldn't do is say "I can't tell you X cos it's a spoiler" because that just makes for disjointed information, if you have a clear idea from your story you should be able to pick out what you can tell and what you can't easily enough anyhow so it shouldn't be a problem.

Thank you and good night.

 

[bacon]

Even though I am helping you, Ebhz makes some great points. You are posting way too early. The story isn't develpoed enough to post. One thing I see people do is post before they have enough information avaliable. DONT POST UPDATES OR BUMP until

1) Update the screenshots

2) Update the story majorly.

3) Update pretty much everything.

 

[ShadowMainZERO]

@Ebhz: Okay, I'll get to work on that right now. I'll fix the story to the best of my abilities, I'll post one character bio (Max's. There are two more mains atm but they need a bit more work), but the screen shots... I'm not sure. I'm not really good at decieding what would make a good screen shot and what wouldn't. As for spelling & grammer mistakes, I will let Microsoft Documents handle that. Spelling isn't my forte.

Yeah I'm rushing into this too quickly. I just need to calm down and takle this slowly. Maybe work on my normal run of Star Ocean: Till the End of Time (great RPG by Square and a good if not great basis for how our game should be [plot/sub-plot/sub-sub-plot]).

Okay. I will work on the first post (it will be updated by either later tonight or late tomorrow) and won't post in this topic again untill the prologue is finished.

 

[ebhz.Ash.4rm]

Maybe work on my normal run of Star Ocean: Till the End of Time (great RPG by Square and a good if not great basis for how our game should be [plot/sub-plot/sub-sub-plot]).

By Tri-Ace, not Square, Square Enix published it. Good Luck working on the plot.