Crownquest

[warpshadow]

Story synopsis

Spoiler

You are a young man set to leave his parents for the first time in order to train to become a knight. Little does our hero know at first being a knight is not about slashing up monsters for the most part but about taking a small plot of land and managing it in a way that turns a profit. When our hero's training is cut short will he be able to pay the king's tax on his own or will he be evicted?

game play

Spoiler

The main purpose of the game is to make sure the character gets enough money to do what he needs to do. This is usually accomplished by obtaining raw materials and processing them into more valuable goods. There are several ways to do this, including killing monsters, crafting items yourself, befriending people to collect or process for you and completing quests.

Characters

Spoiler

Hero (name defaults to Ralph)
age 15
A young squire just learning the ways of being a knight.

Sir Hillshire
age 40
An experienced knight who has been away from his fief for some time. He plans to kill two birds with one stone as he trains you and rebuilds his fief at the same time.

(more to come)

screen shots

Spoiler

http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm78/aunkorien/screen1.jpg
http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm78 ... creen2.jpg
http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm78 ... creen3.jpg

The game can be downloaded http://www.megaupload.com/?d=K9WDM6S5

Tell me what you think and what improvements I can make on the game.

 

[MukanshinBlack]

Story synopsis

Spoiler

You are a young man set to leave his parents for the first time in order to train to become a knight. Little does our hero know at first being a knight is not about slashing up monsters for the most part but about taking a small plot of land and managing it in a way that turns a profit. When our hero's training is cut short will he be able to pay the king's tax on his own or will he be evicted?

LMAO XD

screen shots

Spoiler

http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm78/aunkorien/screen1.jpg
http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm78 ... creen2.jpg
http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm78 ... creen3.jpg

The 2nd screenshot makes me want to cut myself.

Best way to improve this is remaking it into something completely different.  It sounds like a waste of time to me.  You could always just scrap it too, which might be a better choice.

I'm not downloading this so if a brave soul does let me know what it's like.  >,>

 

[Necrile]

No bravery here. I'm scared of games not even worthy of wiping my ass.

 

[Joy]

please, work on that mapping. Your buildings are entirely too large for what they're supposed to be. Houses should have just barely enough room for the furniture in them and minimal walking space around said furniture. That's big enough to be a ballroom.

 

[Sonata]

Honestly, I think your story has potential. Your main problem is the way in which you've presented everything. You should re-write your story synopsis and really make an effort to make it sound appealing. I'd also like to see more of what the gameplay entails, maybe you could include a features list? And yes, as stated above your mapping needs work, try posting some of your maps in the mapping academy for feedback.

Another note about presentation, if you spruce up your topic with proper grammar and images for headings it will influence more people to download.

Good luck!

 

[MukanshinBlack]

game play

Spoiler

The main purpose of the game is to make sure the character gets enough money to do what he needs to do. This is usually accomplished by obtaining raw materials and processing them into more valuable goods. There are several ways to do this, including killing monsters, crafting items yourself, befriending people to collect or process for you and completing quests.

Putting the story aside, the gameplay pretty much screams lack of development and plot.  No features list tells us that everything is RTP and that this project was rushed.  It sounds like the only thing that we will do is gather money to live so we don't get "evicted".

This might belong in the Early Develpoment Projects subforum.

 

[Sonata]

This might belong in the Early Develpoment Projects subforum.

I disagree. The Early Project Development forum is better suited for developing plot, and in this case, that isn't really essential. This project just needs more thought put into the gameplay and a better presentation.

 

[mawk]

Jesus Harlem Christ, Necrile and MukanshinBlack! It's possible to critique a game without being violent, yano. O_O

It seems like an interesting original concept, but I'm not sure how it might work in practice. What would Ralph be doing to get this money, anyway?

Just, uh, tell us a little more about the game in general, 'kay?

And, yeah, work on mapping. Remember, rooms don't need to fill the entire screen.

 

[MukanshinBlack]

The Early Project Development forum is better suited for developing plot, and in this case, that isn't really essential. This project just needs more thought put into the gameplay and a better presentation.

Although I haven't played the demo, I can tell this game is barren.  All the player has to do is gather money through many ways.  Maybe only because he has a demo of this game it can belong in the Projects forum.  Other then that it's lacking in everything.  A game like this I can make in an hour and it'll end up better then this game.

Let us worry about where stuff goes.  You can just suggest his story needs more development and tell him he can use EPD to do that. ~The Great Terror

Edit: I know you mods are doing your jobs.  ^_^  And I guess I maybe, should have, probable-probably have maybe been maybe more suggestive.  Maybe.

Jesus Harlem Christ, Necrile and MukanshinBlack! It's possible to critique a game without being violent, yano. O_O

I was being violent?,?

Don't cut yourself.  We worry about you guys. ~The Great Terror

Edit: How come I never recieve flowers from you guys then? 

 

[mawk]

Jesus Harlem Christ, Necrile and MukanshinBlack! It's possible to critique a game without being violent, yano. O_O

If you're only going to post here to flame without saying anything remotely constructive, then you shouldn't be posting here at all -- and we'll see to it that you don't if you keep this up.

 

[moog]

Like Miek said, you can be critical without being 100% douche. Only one who was giving any legit criticism was Sonata. Starting off a post with LMAO XD just makes you look like a dolt =\

Now, about this, it tooks too generic to the point where I cant even understand. Please go back and specify things better so I can give a better analysis.

Also did Necrile post LOLcats you gotta be fucking kidding me.

 

[MukanshinBlack]

(Last off-topic post for me here.)

I went "LMAO" because I was reading it thinking it was a typical knight story, then it said "When our hero's training is cut short will he be able to pay the king's tax on his own or will he be evicted?" and I lol'd hard in real life.
Like I said before, maybe I should have maybe been more informative then critic but I didn't act no worse then a lot of ya do in this forum.  I even did give my honest opinion on how he could improve in my first post.  Whether or not its negitive criticism is opinionated.  To me it's helpful advice said in a negative way which was given in a positive way.  Anyways, I'm out.

 

[mawk]

I was thinking more about the "scrap it, it's useless" bit than anything else. That's hardly constructive. :x

Anyway, yes, back on topic.