Dead Content [CoV] Calling of Valkyrie Chapter1 [CoV]

[C-McHal3]

Best Friends, Torn Apart by ancestors.
Now One Most Stop the Other from Achiving their families Goal.

Spoiler

Story
Two Friends who were former members of SATHE(World Protecion Soldiers) Rank-X, go after a vampire seen in their village. After they kill him and return home, they encounter "Hooded Men" who are extremely strong. Terra,Zack,Kiko and Sakura pursue these people and find out they are "The Black Hand". Each one is specialised in one school of magic: Fire, Earth, Wind, Water and Darkness. Zack finds out about his ancestors and pursues their goal, leaving Terra in a pool of his own blood.

Spoiler

Characters

Terra Cale - Age : 23 - A former member of SATHE X-Ranked. He is a skilled swordsman and good at wind magic. He carries around a big sword given to him by a friend.

Zack Slade - Age : 24 - A former member of SATHE X-Ranked. He carries a Mech Blade, a blade enfused with thunder. He is the quiet type of person. His family was killed for using a forbidden magic.

Sakura Slade - Age : 17 - Sister to Zack. She is good with a knife and has good looks!!

Kiko Dak - Age : 16 - A quiet water mage. She is one of the youngest people specialised in water magic.

Cid Garrat - Age : 54 - A blacksmith who is a former member of SATHE. He is specialised in fire magic.

Pakira - Age : Unknown - An Elf specialised in thunder magic. Not much is known about her or her past.

Daui - Age : Unknown - A vampire seen in Kona Village.

Savelion - Age : Unknown - Daui is one of the only ones who knew about him. He is the Leader of the Black Hand.

Spoiler

Features
Good "Pushing Buttons(A,D,S,W)" Minigames
AMS

Spoiler

Trailer
http://img190.imageshack.us/i/trailer1j.mp4/

Spoiler

Download
http://www.plunder.com/CoV-download-d5f3be9590.htm

Comment with your Advice and Help Me Improve Please!!
Thanks :cheers:

Chapter 2 In Production !!

 

[Kyoru]

The story is pretty vague. Sounds like one of those "Hero out for Revenge" kind of storyline. You need to work on the presentation, I think. For example, explain what SATHE's role is in "protecting" the world, and how this is significant in the story itself.

You character details lack...well...detail. It doesn't give much insight to the characters' personalities. A short backstory for each PC / NPC listed might help illustrate how "unique" each character is. It's good to keep it short, but don't skimp on the info.

Why's everything in Spoiler Tags? I like the fact that it's clean, but it's annoying to have to click on each and every one of em. Try using different font sizes / colors to categorize the details in your post. Don't overdo it though. ^_^

Dude, Cloud battler? Zack? You're gonna get bashed for ripping FF7 stuff. Lol. Maybe you should get a new battler, at least.

 

[C-McHal3]

The story is just breif there's more to it. Zack was designed by my best friend and i'm still seraching. And I did this post and the Chapter in a day so I don't have too much detail on them yet. I think in the next chpater i'll plan on flashbacks before Terra and Zack joined SATHE (5 years ago). This will explain much more about the two characters. I don't have Cid and Pakira done yet. Kiko is just a normal girl, Nothing special about her except master water magic at 13. And about Savelion and Daui, if I explain anymore I might give away some serious spoilers.
Anyways Thanks for the Tips! :cheers:

 

[C-McHal3]

Bump

 

[Nolund]

So let me get this straight...You did a day of work and this is in the completed games section?

I don't want to sound like a dick, but there's NOTHING here for us to really comment on. A paragraph of story followed by "I don't have much detail" really doesn't permit for this to be in this section I think.

You don't seem to have your story set up yet, and as RPGs, unlike fighting (MUGEN) games are story-driven, you NEED to iron that out first. Take a look at games like Quintessence and Whisper of a Rose. These games were not simple "I want to make a game so let's throw some stuff together and think about it as I go along" concepts. I know that Quintessence (like my own game) are based off of stories.

There are three main things that attract people to a game:

1) Graphics
2) Storyline
3) Music

Currently, you don't seem to have any of those. The default RTP may be ugly, but it's workable, and from what I can see in your videos and such, your not a very strong mapper. I don't know what your music list is like, but I can only assume that after a day of work (which you said is how long you put into this) it's default as well.

That leaves story, which you don't seem to have at ALL.

So, my suggestion:

Either scrap it entirely, or sit down and put together a storyline. You don't need to have have ALL the details worked out, and you don't have to have it all done at once. My own game is a prelude to my novel series, so I have to coordinate the timeline accordingly. I work in sections as well, but I know the general feel of the game from start to finish.

 

[HarryE]

MotW much?

 

[C-McHal3]

So let me get this straight...You did a day of work and this is in the completed games section?

I don't want to sound like a dick, but there's NOTHING here for us to really comment on. A paragraph of story followed by "I don't have much detail" really doesn't permit for this to be in this section I think.

You don't seem to have your story set up yet, and as RPGs, unlike fighting (MUGEN) games are story-driven, you NEED to iron that out first. Take a look at games like Quintessence and Whisper of a Rose. These games were not simple "I want to make a game so let's throw some stuff together and think about it as I go along" concepts. I know that Quintessence (like my own game) are based off of stories.

There are three main things that attract people to a game:

1) Graphics
2) Storyline
3) Music

Currently, you don't seem to have any of those. The default RTP may be ugly, but it's workable, and from what I can see in your videos and such, your not a very strong mapper. I don't know what your music list is like, but I can only assume that after a day of work (which you said is how long you put into this) it's default as well.

That leaves story, which you don't seem to have at ALL.

So, my suggestion:

Either scrap it entirely, or sit down and put together a storyline. You don't need to have have ALL the details worked out, and you don't have to have it all done at once. My own game is a prelude to my novel series, so I have to coordinate the timeline accordingly. I work in sections as well, but I know the general feel of the game from start to finish.

I have planned out the Story now... I have been trying on my mapping skills. They are hopefully getting better!
My Graphics aren't going to well But Hey, I'm only 13.

And I think i'm finally getting away from a stage where I try to finish the game as quick as possible.
Hopefully i'll improve with the new Chapter. And if I don't, then i'll work even harder!

 

[HarryE]

I'm sorry, I just finished that trailer. That just IS Master of the Wind. Just... worse. Sorry to be so blunt. Look, you've even got the Andau map! Sparrow's in there. This just IS Master of the Wind!

 

[C-McHal3]

I'm sorry, I just finished that trailer. That just IS Master of the Wind. Just... worse. Sorry to be so blunt. Look, you've even got the Andau map! Sparrow's in there. This just IS Master of the Wind!

I don't see know Shroud or Stoic, Where's Sparrow? I don't see a Black Hooded Earth Mage.

 

[mimic]

Is this a joke? you used the exact same music from the motw trailer to the same well everything, your not fooling anyone.

 

[dadevvtsvre]

If you want this topic to be locked then so be it. But you know, perhaps you'd receive better criticism if you didn't rip maps directly from another game that's pretty popular.

If you want help fleshing out a good, well-thought out story and characters, try making a thread in Concept Development.