"Coming Out"

[Ellie]

This cropped up in a New Scientist I was reading out of boredom. It said something along the lines of 9 in 10 gay men have trouble coming out, and 7 in 10 gay women.

It got me thinking. Why is the whole concept of "coming out" even there?

It's just you stating a relational/sexual preference. If you are a woman and only want to date guys with brown hair, you don't have to "come out" and say so.

If you're a bloke and decide you only want to date women, you don't have to tell the world in a big speech.

So, why do you "come out", if you're gay/lesbian?

Edit: I'd just like to add personally I find myself attracted to women, this isn't really concerning me. I do have friends who are gay or lesbian though, and they all "came out". I just never saw why. I mean, we all knew already pretty much, them telling everyone didn't really affect anything.

 

[Anonymous]

TREG why your so mean gosh.

also yeah coming out exists because of the whole HOMOPHOBIA thing. there's really no such thing as HETEROPHOBIA afaik (firefox highlights it as a nonexistent word so i think i'm correct!) so STRAIGHT PEOPLE don't really have to "come out". people come out because they're like WELL MOST OF MY FRIENDS KNOW I'M GAY MIGHT AS WELL LET THE WORLD KNOW -kisses guy on the lips-

this is a really really dumb thread premise.

 

[Rare]

God you're stupid.

The reason it's different is because there is an entrenched position of discrimination against gay people, and that many people are not tolerant of alternative lifestyles. Many gay people don't even realize they're gay, accept their own sexuality, or choose to bat for the other team until well into their late teens or later.

Eventually someone needs to reveal their choice to those close to them, because it sucks to live a lie. Even telling people you've just met can be difficult as there's a constant fear of negative judgment or intolerance.

I thought this was the type of thing 13 year olds know.

This is a incredibly stupid thread and it's yet another example of the plummeting discussion standards in this forum. You may as well create a thread on 'why are middle-class whites nervous in South Central LA?' or 'why do we have marriage?'. Either you're attempting to deconstruct basic social concepts (badly) or you genuinely don't get what the deal is, which means you're probably pretty ignorant!

I think thats the smartest thing I've ever heard you say for a while. O_o

TREG why your so mean gosh.

What he just said isn't even mean. Its all true. This thread is pointless.

Nothing personal, Wyatt.

 

[JakeyZombie]

Oh Wyatt, I always thought you were one of the smarter members...

Just read what TREG wrote, and you might be able to understand the premise of it.

EDIT: This kind of reminds me of people who say 'Why are there no Heterosexual Pride Parades?'.
(I don't like Pride, by the way, I'm just saying.)

 

[rexxzecutioner]

Being 'proud' of your sexuality in any case is rather idiotic.

 

[sixtyandaquarter]

Why is it idiotic? I don't agree with Pride just like either, but idiotic?

Being proud of preference may seem foolish, but how bout we have people turn on straights and get away with half the crap that is said - and done - to gays and let's see if we don't find a bunch of people yelling for pride among us straighties. You'll get people wearing shirts "I'm straight and I'm proud" only this time it would be just as wrong as before, but not idiotic. It's like being proud of your faith, your politics, yourself. It's who you are, why not be proud of it?

I think the whole stigma about having to come out is on both sides of the fence. You have people who are straight and look at the term as someone now going around in purple rainbow triangle shirts with flowers in their hair and little tiny soccer shorts going around running parades and touching little children, and you have the other side which can easily be just as scared that's what the first side would think.

 

[Rare]

Being 'proud' of your sexuality in any case is rather idiotic.

YES! I'm HETEROSEXUAL! AND IM' LOVIN' IT!

Got a problem?

 

[rexxzecutioner]

Yes it is idiotic. Feeling pride for something you apparently have no control over is quite dumb.

 

[sixtyandaquarter]

If I'm very beautiful naturally I can't take pride in it? If I'm a handsome fella I can't be proud of my natural looks? If I'm blessed with the worlds most amazing singing voice, or an extremely large genitalia, a lovely shade of hair, or even dazzling eyes - I can't be proud?

EDIT:
Not to mention you do have control. You can chose to ignore it or not, and you can chose to accept it - and people do claim to have been able to "ungay" (thanks to several - mostly - horrible people running reeducation classes and the like). You, me, and everyone does have a choice. And having a choice, is having control over it.

 

[Venetia]

I don't think "coming out" should be necessary to anyone. The only dudes I knew who officially "came out" just did it to justify their acting like a diva, or for chicks to justify being "lumberjacks". I'm not saying this is such with everyone, but it does just seem like a plea for attention to me.

In the social climate today, I think coming out puts people at a disadvantage. They shouldn't have to "hide", but I don't see the problem with keeping sexuality to yourself. You don't have to run around saying you're into sniffing armpits to have people accept you, and you don't have to run around shoving your gender preference in peoples' faces, either.

 

[Rare]

But then, if you don't "come out" not everyone will know you are gay/lesbian. Not to mention your parents...who probably are trying to dismiss any thoughts of you being gay.

 

[JakeyZombie]

I keep my sexuality to myself unless I'm blatantly asked. I just don't think it's fair to shove it in other people's faces when they don't quite feel comfortable with it. I did come out to my parents, but it wasn't a huge deal. It's just fair for them to know, either way, so you can put their minds at ease.

 

[Venetia]

Sometimes letting your parents/family/very close friends know is necessary. Atleast then they won't bother with asking you why you don't have a spouse or kids yet, lol.

I meant to the general public, to acquaintances and the like.

My thing is, if you know someone well enough to fart in their presence and not die of embarrassment or vice versa, then they're probably the right person to share your sexuality with.

 

[Ratty524]

Keep in mind that homosexuality is still a big "taboo" in America. Yes, it should not be treated the way it is now, but people, in the US at least, tend to make your life hell based on your sexuality.

 

[holloway]

....Except coming out is a worldwide problem. So that had very little bearing did it Ratty.

 

[Venetia]

It is a worldwide problem, but of the most developed countries, aside from China, America is one of the most conservative. I'm not saying that's a good thing. Far from it.

It's a taboo everywhere, but if you were to compare much of Europe's leniency towards it against the U.S., you'd realize just how in the dark ages we are socially.

 

[craybest]

I think coming out has much more to do with the person who does it that with the ones he/she comes out to.
people who come out, are mainly saying to themselves:" I finnaly accept my sexuality, and I know there's nothing to be ashamed of, therefore I have the strenght to tell my close ones, without fear"
That's how I've always looked ofr me at least, and how it was for me.

 

[Lene]

Reason why it would be necessary to actually identify yourself as non-heterosexual is because everyone assumes you're heterosexual unless you say otherwise.

Also on the subject of pride. I think people who disagree with pride do not understand why pride efforts exists.

First off, what TREG said

The reason it's different is because there is an entrenched position of discrimination against gay people, and that many people are not tolerant of alternative lifestyles. Many gay people don't even realize they're gay, accept their own sexuality, or choose to bat for the other team until well into their late teens or later.

Continuing on that vein, when you're in a marginalized group there is a tendency for members to internalize hatred and negative sterotypes that comes from the outside. I mean, seriously...gay is apparently the new slang for when something is stupid or inferior. If you watch mainstream TV if you even have gay characters at all, they're extremely flamboyant (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) or they're completely sexless (Will and Grace), and while you see their straight peers going through their relationship drama out in the open, you never see anything homosexual put on air.

Hell, check out the Dumbledore is gay topic? Half the first post immediately went to OMG Dumbledore is a pedophile!

I mean really...If that's the only exposure to homosexuality you had, would you really want to come out of the closet? Do you want society to look at you that way? Some people don't care what others think, but some people will not want to put themselves in that position. That's self-hatred right there. Hell, some people are so self-hating, they'll go and get married to the opposite sex, just so they look good. And then when it forcefully comes out...hell breaks loose.

Pride is to stop people from thinking that way. It's not to diss heterosexuality, and it's not to say that being homosexual is better than everything else. It's just to reinforce a positive image of homosexuality, so gay people don't hate themselves for something they identify as.

Society is not hating on people who are heterosexual. Thus, no need for Straight Pride or whatever. I would question anyone who would advocate straight pride.

(I seem to argue this in every topic I go to...why won't people get it!)

 

[Ellie]

That doesn't exactly explain why to "come out" though, if anything the stigma against gay people makes me wonder more so why people "come out", it's potentially telling the world to pick on you. Like I said the friends who I know who came out, their friends already knew they were gay or lesbian to begin with, so it wasn't really telling anything new. But it did let other people know, who then bullied them about it (to no effect really because once you reach year 11 and onwards no-one really seems to notice bullies, it's almost as if the "cool chart" if you like switches round).

 

[lunarea]

Why would you tell people you're of a certain religion (i.e. not Christian)? Why would you tell people that you listen to a certain type of music? Why would you tell people what activities/hobbies you like to do?

People who "come out" about their sexuality are doing nothing different than people who "come out" about their religion, or their choice of music or hobbies. It's a part of who they are, and they want others to know about it. The reasons can range from wanting to be honest, to informing people so to prevent later misunderstandings, or just to justify some radical change they're ready to make in their life.

There's a stigma against anything that isn't considered typical, or "the norm". Does it mean everyone who doesn't fall into that norm should be secretive and quiet for fear that they'll get bullied?