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Avera Chronicle

Avera Chronicle

Introduction

After two years of fooling around with XP and VX, I've finally decided to seriously attempt to make a game in VX.  Now that I have some progress and some screenshots, I see it's been moved to Project Discussion.

11/15 - I'm trodding along slowly.  Today I touched up the story.  I'm going to have a larger update and bump the topic once I get some character art from a friend.

10/02 - Now, about a month of progress later, I've added several screenshots and removed parts of the story now that it's in Project discussion.

This is what I'd put on the first few pages of the manual if there was one.

For thousands of years, the continent of Avera has seen constant struggle.

     After two-hundred and thirty years of peace, tensions are building again between the two nations that occupy the continent.  The Kingdom of Altilia and the Empire of Siaxa, after a fourteen day-long war twenty years ago, are now at each others throats, with the Altilian’s superior Navy and Siaxa’s superior Army, the two lands are locked in a cold war.  The Emperor of Siaxa suddenly dies, leaving his twenty-year-old son to take his place.

     Only hours before his coronation, he flees the capital city, Sixas.  Left with no emperor, the Head of the Imperial Senate, Cryranos, declares that if the young emperor does not return in two years, the Senate would declare one of themselves the Emperor, and Giusepher Lon Arian de Siaxa would lose his title to the throne.

     As soon as Cryranos’s address ended, Senator Tina Reial, the prince’s would-be Empress, also vanished without a trace.

     The two years is almost up, and there has been no trace of Giusepher or Tina.  The people of Siaxa are skeptical of Cryranos, and suspect foul play.  What has become of their beloved prince?

     Far north, a group of four orphans are searching for memories lost when one of them blacked out.  There is someone trying to stop them in this endeavor.

     Meanwhile, the Queen of Altilia sends a messenger to Siaxa to investigate the disappearance of Giuseph and Tina.

     Two mysterious figures arrive by ship to the port in Girya City.  Their purpose and origin is unknown, but they seem to know all of the answers.

     These nine souls’ destinies will forever be entwined.

Background Story

The land of Avera is where Avera Chronicle takes place. For two millenia before the story begins, it is a land of almost constant war.

Please note that Avera is a continent, not a world in itself. The world has had many names in its evolution within my mind, and none really seem to fit anymore. So for now, the world will be unnamed.

http://www.rpgm.org/downloads/1180/Avera_Red_Mil.jpg[/img]

  For a long time, the four nations of Altilia, Tria, Davin, and Alix lived together in peace.  That all ended when Siaxa declared, and eventually won its independence from the Kingdom of Tria.

     Siaxa became an empire, and in a short and relatively bloodless war, conquered the Republic of Davin.  Siaxa, inspired by the stability of Davin, adopted the "Davin Assembly".  The Senate was organized of the people’s favorite citizens and nobility.  This quickly made the former Davineans warm up to their new country, making Siaxa the largest, most stable country.

     After a decade or two, the princess of Altilia eloped with a commoner and ran away to Siaxa.  The Queen of Altilia demanded that they be turned over, the Emperor and the Senate unanimously refused.  Altilia declared war on Siaxa.  For the next few centuries, Siaxa and Altilia were in a constant state of war, many of which ended in stalemates.  In one war, Siaxa claimed the strategically advantageous region known as Carmingia.

     Just when the flames of hatred between Siaxa and Altilia died down, Tria and Alix began to fight over territory disputes.  This eventually caused Alix to build an impenetrable wall on the border.  The wall was completed, and the wars eventually ended.

     After only a few decades of peace, a massive war began.  The Prince of Siaxa was accused of the murder of an Alixter baron.  The Trians then accused the King of Alix of killing the baron to settle a dispute between the dead baron and a neighboring region’s baron.  Siaxa agreed with Tria, and banned together and declared war on Alix.  Altilia came to Alix’s defense, and the two alliances fought together for many, many years until eventually, the people got fed up with the wars.  The Siaxan senate and the Altilian parliament agreed to stop the fighting.  Without allies, Tria and Alix quickly stopped as well.

After the war finally ended, the Senate made one of the war’s most decorated generals, Sir Ryu Golde, a Baron.

     Baron Golde had an elaborate manor made and was given everything he ever wanted.  However, he had an unhealthy obsession with gold. He pilfered much of the gold from Siaxa's treasuries, and sent many people to steal from other countries.  His theives were so skilled, they managed to hoard almost half of the world's gold for their employer.  Instead of paying these theives, he had them executed once he was satisfied with his riches.  The baron hoarded all of the stolen gold for himself, plating his personal ship in it, as well as buying whatever he desired.

     Eventually, the senate caught on to his ring of international embezzlement.  When the Siaxan military came to remove him, his estate was stripped to the walls, and he was nowhere in sight.  He fled on his expensive ship for parts unknown, but the Altilian Navy soon tracked him down and in a long sea battle, accidentally sunk him, along with more than half of the four nations’ money.

     Luckily, a huge vein of Silver was found underneath the Alixter capital of Girya.  After six weeks, the amount of silver mined tripled the original amount of gold.  Alixter started minting the Argent, or silver piece, and sent it to the other countries for the rest of their gold.

http://www.rpgm.org/downloads/1179/Avera_Black_Mil.jpg[/img]

  Tria was the shortest in gold after the Baron’s schemes, and they moblilzed their navy to conquer Alix.  Alix’s government officials were too busy with the silver mining to give the military any real money.  Alix’s government was very unstable, and when Tria attacked, there was nothing that they could do.

     Tria became corrupt regarding the new money being mined, and refused to give it to the other two nations.  Siaxa immediately declared war on Tria.  This war lasted until the king of Tria died, and the new king promised to give the other countries silver again.

     Over the next millenium, many wars broke out between Tria and Siaxa, and Altilia constantly switched between sides (rumor was that it depended on who was sharing the queen’s bed at the time). 

     Tria's government began to fail, and the Tetrarchy they had in power was overthrown by one of their own, Terrin Kia.  She was adored by her people, despite her actions driving Tria into the ground.  The final war ended in her death, and soon after, the fall of Tria and the growth of Siaxa into the largest nation in the world.

     For the next two hundred years, only one war took place between Siaxa and Altilia, the fourteen day’s war.  Now the prince is missing and tensions are growing between Siaxa and Altilia.  Could another war be right around the corner?

http://www.rpgm.org/downloads/1181/Avera_Post_Treia.jpg[/img]

In the two hundred years since the fall of Tria, life has been relatively peaceful.

The only war since was between Altilia and Siaxa, and lasted fourteen days.

Two years ago, the Emperor of Siaxa passed away, leaving his twenty year old son, Giusepher Lon Arian de Siax, to rule the entire empire. Six months later, a day before he was to be coronated formally as the offical emperor of Siaxa, he vanished without a trace.

The senate stepped in, and its leader, Cryranos, declared that if the emperor did not return within two years time, they would name one of themselves emperor, and Giusepher would never receive his throne.

Tina Reial, Senator and would-be Empress to the runaway prince, left to search for him and hasn't been heard from since.

The two years is almost up.

     In the world, there are three types of energy: Produced, Dormant, and Potential Skill, and there are two ways to create, alter, or re-arrange enregy:  by chemical/physical means or by magical means.

     Potential Skill is a generally unused energy within one's own body, an energy that can be tapped into by those who know what they're doing to make an individual stronger.

     Dormant energy is the energy that can potentially be used to create magic.  It comes in many different flavors: Fire, Water, Electricity, Air, Earth, Light, and Dark.  Every human has an element that determines what type of dormant energy the individual makes.  Although there are many ways to assess a person's element, it is unknown how a person receives their element.  A person can have a family full of Light elements and be a Dark element, and a person can have a family full of different elements and not receive one of their elements.

     Produced energy is the energy created from any magical or chemical (re)action.  When a spell is cast, the produced energy becomes a spell.

     Magic uses Dormant energy and Produced energy to work.  A person can focus this energy and force it to change into produced energy, then forcing said produced energy to alter the environment, such as setting fires, liquidizing water vapors, producing static, etc..  This requires training and practice, much like playing an instrument, and also like playing an instrument, a person can take spells made by others such as Fire (like playing a song) or make their own spells such as Katie's Flamme Rouge attack (like writing a song).  However, unlike playing an instrument, a person can only learn magic of their element unless they wish to  undergo rigorous training and meditation.

     Dark magic is quite different.  Any person with any element can use dark magic, althogh those with the dark element fid it easier, and those with the light element find it insanely difficult.  Instead of manipulating dormant energy, dark mages manipulate the negative energy given off by all living things.  It is no surprise that the best dark mages in history had troubled childhoods!  Dark magic allows manipulation of potential skill, casting of dark spells such as Fluxation or Gespenst, and the conjuring or summoning of puppets created from materials in the environment, from sticks to dust.

     Dark magic is very controversial, and many people beleive that it causes insanity.  There are many who use it for good, but few have forgotten the sorcerers and warlocks of the Black Millennium who aided in the winning of wars, but eventually misused their powers, leading to self-destruction.

Characters

Evan Aldarin
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Element: Electricity
Specialty: Swords and Healing Magic
Role: He is a good tank and your main HP healer for a while. He knows a little Thunder magic, as well as a few enchanting spells.

A young man raised in an orphanage with seven other children by his older sister, Adele.
He is protective of his younger brother, Than, and argues with his girlfriend, Katie on a regular basis. Of the subjects of their arguments, his sub-par memory seems to be a common subject. Now that he has come of age, he often does strenuous work to help support the orphanage.

Adele Aldarin
Age:34
Gender: Female
Element: Air
Specialty: Unknown
Role: She was known for her amazing Wind magic, but the fact that she's dead makes it quite difficult for that to be of any help.

The older sister of Evan and Than, she recently died in what seems to have been a freak accident. She was kind and caring, and raised her brothers as her own children, even to the point of nursing Than after their mother died giving birth to them. Not much else is known about her, for she never told Evan and Than about her past.

Thanatos Aldarin
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Element: Unassessed, but it is assumed to be dark.
Specialty: Conjuring
Role: He practices Conjuring, but it is only for emergencies that he uses it to fight. Eventually he will use his dark magic outside of battle to enhance the player's stats, finding hidden items, and even to heal the party!

Than spent the first eight years of his life extremely sick, unable to move. He learned to walk at age ten. He never played an important role in the orphanage "family" until Adele died, when he assumed all of Adele's duties. He practices the dark magic of Conjuring, in hopes that he can use the Puppets he conjures to do work or defend the children when Evan and Katie are away.

Katilynn Dalma
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Element: Fire
Specialty: Swords and Healing magic
Role: The is the fastest character in the game and does decent damage with her fire magic early on. She also learns some status healing and disenchanting spells.

A young woman raised with Evan, Than, and her brother, Richard. She is kind of aggressive and has a thin patience. She loves Evan, but has difficulty showing it, and often insults his bad memory, often stating that Evan and Richard wouldn't last three days without her. Despite this, she loves Evan and Richard undyingly. When she's upset, this facade vanishes, revealing a scared little girl.

Being extremely in tune with the world, she often has visions of destruction at the hands of Than. What do they mean?

Richard Dalma
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Element: Earth
Specialty: Long-Range Weaponry and Dark Magic
Role: He has the second best defense and agility in the game, his dark magic is limited early on, but he will eventually learn to summon powerful spirits.

Richard is Katie's little brother. Despite being of the Earth Element, he managed to learn Dark Magic, of which Katie is very skeptical. He was very attached to Adele, and even ran away when she died. When he returns, he is covered in blood and can not remember what happened. He is Than's best friend.

Tina Reial
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Element: Water
Specialty: Spears and Healing Magic
Role: She has the second best Spirit and Attack in the game, and knows all healing magic as well as a little water magic.

Former captain in the Siaxan military, she is now a member of the Senate. Ever since the emperor, her fianceé, ran away, she has been missing as well.

The Story

I am planning on having four parts to the game, so I'll be willing to spoil the first part for you. 

The game begins a week after Adele's death.  Evan and Katie decide to help Than practice his conjuring, and after winning, they leave to pick up groceries from town.
    
     After traveling through the forest, opening ancient gates left in the ground, the last remnants of a huge, ancient temple, they quickly arrive in town and recieve the groceries for free from the charitable grocer.  They return to the orphanage just in time for dinner.  After discussing the state of the two sick children, one of the children brings up Adele, only making Evan and Than fill with sorrow.  Suddenly, the runaway Richard returns home, wounded.  Evan and Katie mend his wounds, and try to ask him what happened.

     He doesn't remember.

     The next morning, the three decide to travel through the northern forest, where Richard last remembers being.  Eventually, they come to a place where they get really lost.  Eventually, they turn up at the clearing from which they entered the deceptive forest.  The earth spirit that calls itself "Veida" gives them aid, and with this aid, they continue on through the forest. 

     After coming to the entrance of a cave containing a magical teleporter to the other side of the mountains, they are impeded by a mysterious man who says he wants to stop Richard from remembering.  He calls forth a powerful beast, which the party defeats, and they continue on. 

     Eventually, they come to a dead end.  Katie and Richard are suprised, as there was a town at that dead end not long ago.  Katie feels that the man who wants to stop him is right behind the wall, and a little knocking proves that the wall is actually being conjured by a powerful dark mage.

     The three return home to get Than's aid in removing the wall.  They remove the wall and travel into the cave.  They eventually confront this stranger, who attempts to use his dark magic to destroy the four, but thanks to Richard's and Than's combined efforts, his magic fails, but instead sends Evan and Than to parts unknown.

     Evan and Than are in a cave somewhere in the world, unsure of where they are.  Evan and Than are soon separated by a rock slide, and Evan sends Than to find Katie and Richard.

     Evan soon meets Tina Reial and Tara, the Queen of Altilia's emissary, who urgently need to get to Carmingia.

     Than meets up with Katie and Richard wondering about their fates, and says that they're both all right.  Katie wishes to meet up with Evan in Tria, so they all decide to go to the small port of Cordava to hop on a ship.

     In town, they bump into a peculiarly dressed man, who looks like royalty, but he claims to be an eccentric traveler en route to Carmingia.  When the trio gets to the port, they find that the port has been closed down,  Unable to wait, they decide to take the dangerous mountain path.  Katie sees Evan in Eunaea, and decides to have a carrier pigeon sent to him.

     The action switches to Evan, Tina, and Tara, where Evan receives the letter Katie sent to him.  He replies, asking that they meet him in Carmigia, where he promised to take Tina and Tara.

     Evan and the ladies eventually reach the cave to Carmingia, and are stopped by a huge boulder.  Tina suggests that they go to the volcano to dig up some Hellstone that was buried there.  She explains its volatility, and Evan and Tara agree.  They succeed in getting the Hellstone, and they douse it with water to destroy the boulder.

     The trio now leaves for the mountain path to Carmingia.   At the entrance, they meet Joseph, who invites himself into Katie's company.  They traverse the path without any problems.  Than decides to leave to find Evan.

     He meets Evan camped outside the cave where we left him.  Than urges them to hurry up, and the four leave for Carmingia, also arriving without any problems.

     They all reunite in town, a happy reunion.  Katie and Evan are together again at last, but Tina is ecstatic to see Joseph.  She calls him something that shocks everyone, Giusepher!

     All of a sudden, Gildas appears in front of everyone.  He says that they must all die to keep his master's loved ones safe.  The party, not willing to give up, decides to fight.  Evan, Katie, Richard, and Tina fight and defeat Gildas.  Gildas refuses to say anymore, only that he did his part for his master.  He then leaves and either runs away from Avera or commits suicide (I won't specify at this point).

     The party then realizes that there's something amiss and they vow to find out what it is.

     In the final scene, two strange people, a man and a woman, are leaving a port.  They say to each other that they must stop "Those who would release Treia".  The man says they must find the ones called Evan and Giusepher.  The woman says that they should look in Carmingia.  The two leave, and the credits for the first part roll.

Thus ends Part One.

Features

-RTP Graphics   :down:

-Currently 14-song soundtrack (can't stand most of the RTP music) of Vivaldi Sonatas and the Four seasons. If you know of any Vivaldi music that would fit a town, please name it. I neeeeed it to rid myself of the horrid RTP music. :wink:

Woratana - NMS
Dargor - Advanced Files
Kylock - Light Effects
Lettice - Stat Distribution
Syvkal - Cogwheel Bars
Sandgolem - a whole bunch of random crap  :crazy:
Myself - A Menu Edit   :dead:

-No random battles!  :thumb:

-For the most part, well balanced enemies.

http://i107.photobucket.com/albums/m316/goldenryu9292/TitleScreen.png[/img]
This is my title screen.

http://i107.photobucket.com/albums/m316 ... stGate.png[/img]
Not exactly the best mapping you'll see, and those gates do get explained later on.

http://www.rpgm.org/downloads/1222/Menu.png[/img]
This is my menu edit. Do you like the windowskin?

http://www.rpgm.org/downloads/1218/World_Map.png
This is the first glimpse the player sees of the World Map.

http://www.rpgm.org/downloads/1219/Dungeon.png[/img]
This is the entrance to the first real dungeon.  The color's gone!

http://www.rpgm.org/downloads/1220/Dungeona.png[/img]
It's actually just a linear dungeon with two paths to take in whichever order you please.


Alright, tell me what you think (Just don't stuff me in a tuba and beat me with a bag of wet cats).

Website
(it's pretty much the same as this post now)
 

dox

Sponsor

goldenryu9292; The Red Millenium":kzm1xab7 said:
For a thousand years before this period, the four nations on this continent lived together peacefully. However, at this point, the relations between the lands of Davin, Altilia, Tria, and Alix began to deteriorate. The turmoil began when the region of Tria known as Siaxa began to rise up agains Tria. Siaxa declared, and eventually won its independece. After twelve years, Siaxa rearranged into an empire, and conquered Davin. For the next four hundred years, struggles between Siaxa and Altilia caused a number of wars, only one of which Siaxa won, claiming the strategically advantageous region of Carmingia. After the hatred between Siaxa and Altilia died down, Tria began to war with Alix, taking much of its land, leaving it with the desert region of Elvadreik. Eventually Siaxa and Tria allied against Altilia and Alix, and war raged between the two alliances on and off for several more centuries.

Whoa, you just threw so many names at me - it had me confused, afraid, and with a severe craving for something mind-altering. Seriously, though - there's so many names and places here it's hard to keep them all straight, and in my opinion, you should really cut down, or slow down, this part.

goldenryu9292; Sir Ryu Golde":kzm1xab7 said:
Ryu Golde was an avaricious Siaxan Baron. After peace had finally been restored, he became the richest man in the world. He started a business where people could send their gold to him, and he would make jewelry of it. He was wildly successful, however goldsmiths quickly realized that this jewelry was no more than painted bronze. Angry at this duplicitousness, the entire continent joined forces to have him removed. When the Siaxan military arrived at his estate, it was empty, and the massive amounts of gold were gone.

He fled on his ship with his riches, and the Altilian and Trian Navies went after him. His ship was a dreadnought made from the strongest metals. Eventually, he was sunk along with most of the money for the continent.

However, in Alix, a huge vein of Silver had been discovered. The Argent, or Silver piece, quickly became the new currency for the four nations.

More names  :crazy:

Well, aside from your commendable vocabulary (however I'd honestly check a dictionary regarding duplicitousness, as it doesn't sound right),  this section seems poorly thought out. He's a Baron, and thusly his title should be Baron Golde, no? You have him labelled as Sir, which is an honorary title given by the head of a monarchy. Also, in a depression (directly post-war), jewelry is hardly a valued commodity (last I checked, at least. Unless you're talking quite a bit after the war?), also, where would he get his supply of Bronze? It too is a mineral that could (in the quantities you described) be quite costly. Also, Dreadnoughts first came around in early 20th century, I believe. You must be using Final Fantasy as some form of bible for Fantasy, and it is not. But this is forgivable, considering fantasy need not follow realism. And where was the Silver vein? And why was it discovered, and why on earth did it replace Gold as currency, unless everyone sent all their money to the infamous Baron? Hardly, I would hope. Diamonds (or painted bronze novelties?) are an economy's worst nightmare I suppose.

goldenryu9292;The Black Millenium":kzm1xab7 said:
However, Alix had a failing government despite its wealth. Tria and Siaxa began to fight over who would take the Alixter lands after it fell. This began the Black Millenium. These thousand years were the most radically devastating to the land of Avera. For one thousand years, the Empire of Tria and the Empire of Siaxa were in a constant state of war. Few know exactly what started this dark age, and if it was the fall of Alix that started it all or not, but there are many theories. Out of the thirty wars that were fought during this period, only those over Alix have a known cause.

The final war of the Black Millenium ended in the fall of Tria, and the uprising of Siaxa as a world power, taking up three fourths of the Averan mainland.

Alright, the names seem to be popping up less now.  :dead:
Well, I'd hardly imagine two countries to fight over another country that is dying. Wouldn't they just both march in and sweep 'em out? And does a country ever just "give up and run away" ? Hardly. There'd still be some loyalists hanging around, I would think. And how lucky for this country that only thirty wars were fought in a thousand years! That's like, a war every 33 years. That's assuming no two wars happened at the same time, of course.

:down:

goldenryu9292; Since the Fall of Tria":kzm1xab7 said:
In the two hundred years since the fall of Tria, life has been relatively peaceful.

The only war since was between Altilia and Siaxa, and lasted fourteen days.

Two years ago, the Emperor of Siaxa passed away, leaving his twenty year old son, Giusepher Lon Arian de Siax, to rule the entire empire. Six months later, a day before he was to be coronated formally as the offical emperor of Siaxa, he vanished without a trace.

The senate stepped in, and its leader, Cryranos, declared that if the emperor did not return within two years time, they would name one of themselves emperor, and Giusepher would never receive his throne.

Tina Reial, Senator and would-be Empress to the runaway prince, left to search for him and hasn't been heard from since.

The two years is almost up.

Well of course the only war has been between Altilia and Siaxia! Davin was killed off from the get-go (Poor guy. He must've been this thing's black guy. Why do they always die first?), and the section is called "After the Fall of Tria" so, point being, they're all that's left. Poor, poor Davin. And he was my favorite!

More, more names. Giusepher Lon Arian de Siax? What a mouthful. Add a title and you'll have to make a new Happy Birthday song. (Happy birthday dear Master Giusepher Lon Arian de Siax... happy birthday to you. For your birthday, we got you a new name. It's John. Go die.  :pissed:) Also, Cryranos is awkward to say. Might want to fix that.


goldenryu9292":kzm1xab7 said:
Being extremely in tune with the world, she often has visions of destruction at the hands of Than. What do they mean?
When he returns, he is covered in blood and can not remember what happened. He is Than's best friend.

Can you say "plot twist?"


Anyways, there's a few things here and there I'd switch up, but best of luck ^^,
 
About the Red Millenium: I plan to fix it up.  I'll slow it down a bit once I straighten it up myself. All of those names are important, though. :crazy: Just be thankful I didn't list the other ten. I've removed the two less important ones, just to give you four instead of six names.

About Ryu Golde:  Yeah that I need to rewrite too.  It'll probably change to a more common metal like tin (or maybe for a laugh, magnesium [magnesium is common on Avera and it's called Voidstone or hellstone]).  Also, Baron Golde was extremely famous and a General (i'll add the details as I go along) in the last few wars of the previous centuries.  I'll try to make that more plausible.  But it explains the shift from gold to Argent. Baron Golde had an obsession with gold.  The reason he sunk is because his ship was actually wood plated in gold (a very very soft metal, btw). He managed to get about a half of all of the gold in the world (people were very gullible thinking that their savior would make them priceless commodities).  The Alixter found a LOT of silver. I mean A LOT.  Enough that the silver outnumbered the remaining gold pieces exponentially. Also, dreadnoughts go as far back as the British Man O Wars in the revolutionary war.  Dreadnought means overpowered warship, (the first place I ever heard dreadnought was actually Star Trek: Voyager, and it was a giant cannon that could wipe out a planet in one shot) not nessecarily an ironclad or battleship.

About the Black Millenium:  Tria and Siaxa were fighting over which one of them would take Alix.  And yes, the loyalists are a big annoyance later on. The wars ranged from five to sixty to a hundred years long, and the war was close to nonstop.  Actually, Altilia constantly switched sides, depending on who was sharing the queen's bed at the time :crazy: (Altilia is generally ruled by a queen).

About Since the Fall of Tria:  Davin was actually a very sparsely populated mountain and forest region (actually it's where the first part of the game takes place) the two towns there take the Davin name in the suffix -dava: Syldava (forest + dava) and Cordava (heart/center + dava).  Tina and most of the royals call the prince Seph, Joe, or Lon (I'm just saying his full name for completeness's sake).  Cryranos is a very minor character until the end, at which point he takes a new name.

you read my mind. Kind of. This isn't Than's fault that Richard is hurt.  However, Than's dark magic does cause everyone a lot of greif late in the game, even causing the "death" of one of the characters.  I say that in quotes because it isn't really death.  That character comes back, though.
 
I realy wish i had the time to read everything to give a nice comment but im so busy writing my own......ANYWAYS I can tell you have put work into it and thats its not some 30 minute job that came from no where......and as said before, NAMES there every where, lol shows creativity but you cant throw em' at people from the get go...Ill finish reading later and give a nice bundle of questions... =)
 
Yeah I'm working on sorting out the names.  I have trouble adjusting my writing for people who don't have the memorization skills that I do :crazy: which is 8/10ths of the population... hopefully I'll be able to fix it or make it a little more tolerable... again sorry for the numerous names of assorted things.

EDIT: I've added some maps of the continent.  Maybe that will give you a little visual.
 
I've completely rewritten the Background story part of the first post to match my website (which I've added a link to in my post).

It's been clarified and changed just a bit.

In addition I've added a game introduction like you would find near the beginning of a manual (also from the website).

I'll also be editing everything else as the night goes on where I see it a little vague.

Too bad dox has apparently left (I enjoyed his critique), but Dark_Cover, I anticipate your critique now more than ever.
 
ok...It is looking better, and the background is sturdy but all you have is background story, not realy anything about what the Games story will be...just finding the prince.

Far north, a group of four orphans are searching for memories lost when one of them blacked out.  There is someone trying to stop them in this endeavor.

-I thought that this should have ended the intro as you skipped from one topic to this one then back to the previous.

and i think that if a war did start that Siaxa would end up with an advantage as they have a huge armoy uposed to a huge navy....to much land under siaxa's control to worry about Navel attacks....

...from what i understand there once was a global economy between the four contries but Baron screwed it up...why sink a golden ship, cspture the guy and lock him up. break the ship into profitable gold...Seems smart to me.


- uh-oh...Richard killed Adele, or did he...the world may never know. You should add to the bio's just a bit though.

I like it but i want to read more...expescially on the actual storyline and more about the characters.
 
-I'm afraid to spoil too much of the story, so It's very difficult for me (I want to keep as much of the actual story under wraps until it's done).

About the ship, they weren't exactly thinking straight.  The man had fooled the entire continent into replacing their monies with highly volatile metals that react dangerously with water.  The generals were too concerned with revenge to care.

The continent still had a global economy afterwards, as well.

Siaxa was made up of seaside cities. Only one of its cities until the Fall of Tria was landlocked.  In the war, most of the smaller ports were destroyed, and eventually rebuilt inland.  I failed to mention that Tria also had a large navy despite having no port towns.

Nobody killed Adele.  It was a freak accident.

I'll try to add more to the actual story.
 
I commend you for your use of correct English. The majority of topics I see are usually rife with typographical errors and just plain lazy writing. It's wonderful to see someone who can actually get his point across without sounding like a noob.

As for your game, I know that you went into a lot of detail, and that's really great, but it was pretty much all introduction. You said that you're adding more to the story, so as soon as that comes out, I'll probably be there, since this is one of the most promising projects here. Also, are there some overarching themes to the story? It would be cool to try to analyze a game like this with so much backstory, so it would be a waste if there was nothing to read between the lines.

Furthermore, you didn't really explain magic, and it seems like it's more complicated than just "I cast spellz!" with the elements and subclasses.

As for spoiling the story, do it. Tell us what you got. Not only are we interested, but we can probably help you fix it if there's a major flaw before massive changes are in order. In other words, it will most likely be less work if you just post it now.

Hope to see more of this, and good luck.
 
Alright, then. I've fleshed out the story and explained magic.

And about the backstory, it's very important, and the cause of the dark millenia as well as Baron Golde's trickery would be explained in part three, where I plan to actually give the title meaning.

If you have any suggestions, by all means, give them to me. I need them (the name of some town-appropriate Vivaldi would also be nice).

Treia Novva Atla (or just Treia) is very important later on as well, and she becomes a pivotal character at the end of part three, as does Veida.
 
Okay, so I read the story, and here are some brief points:

-Honestly, I thought your story was excellent. It has a certain mysterious quality to it since very little is explained other than the fact that Gildas must kill them.

-What I liked most about your story, though, was that it was episodic. I can't tell you how many story concepts I've seen that have simply a beginning and an end, with the rest of the game just being battles, dungeon-crawling, and other filler stuff. Your story concept has separate episodes that introduce new things to the plot and gameplay throughout. In other words, things happen in your story from beginning all the way to the end. This is good, as it not only makes for an interesting and paced story, but it shows an indication of progress to the player which some stories lack.

-As for the cons, they're not too major. The biggest one I found was that much of the interaction is between the heroes and nature, something without a psyche. This means that character development won't be what it could. To use as an example: would Final Fantasy VII be the same if Sephiroth, Jenova, and Shinra were all crystals or some other inanimate objects that Cloud had to destroy rather than defeat? Rather than just using a physical barrier like a boulder or something, incorporate a person or living entity. This way, your characters can have dialogue that brings out their personality. From the story, I can't make out the difference in personality between Tina and Tara or even between Evan and Than.

-Nitpick: that little scene with the dramatic irony doesn't really do much, since the characters find out soon anyway. It might be better to just get rid of it or add some more to it and present it later in the story.

Again, it looks great. Keep up with the good work!  :thumb:
 
Thanks for you praise for my story, and about the cons:

Yes, for the most part, the first part is against nature, the characters actually getting to Carmingia (in case you have difficulty with it, for further reference, the g is like a j or a y). 

In the second part, most of the conflict will be trying to stop war between Siaxa and Altilia, and later, depending on which of two paths you pick, rebels in Girya (Alix).

In part three, the conflict will be split between man and nature, finishing the story arc with the Alixter rebels as well as searching for the legendary "Avera Chronicle" in ancient ruins and islands off the mainland. The true villain will come forward, annd reveal to have brainwashed one of the party.  He'll flee to a giant floating warship, The "Great Crystal", and the party infiltrates and defeats him, resulting in the "death" of a different character.

In part four, the conflict is now against a practically almighty power (not sure if it counts as man or nature).  The party splits up, unwilling to fight, and Evan needs to rally them, eventually even reviving the dead character (which is nessecary).  They then go to the final dungeon.

About your nitpick, i'm not sure if I'm even going to reveal his name in that scene or not.
 

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Woah, I'm lost...I'm not good with names so let me get this...What are the Orphons doing for the story and What is so bad about another War that makes them Have to stop it.
 
The orphans are the main characters, and while they are not the actual main players in the story, they are the vehicle by which the story unfolds. They become important in their own right later on, and in the third part, they are knighted.

Obviously,  war is not good. Bellae sunt malae. The Emperor needs to return to the capital to receive his crown, and Evan, Tina, and Richard must try to stop the conflict from escalating into a war.  A war between Altilia and Siaxa would be fatal to the economies of both countries, and Altilia would eventually lose this war, and Siaxa would be thrown into depression.
 
I've added some screenshots of my game so far, and I have added to the part two story.

I've fixed all of the typos that I found, as well as clarify a thing or two, and changed a name or two.

The topic will probably be ready for Project discussion in the very near future.
 
I've added and/or replaced a few screenshots as I've made quite a bit of progress (the database is done, and I bet you can guess that I've procured some custom character sprites, even if they are generated).

I've also removed some of the story part now that this topic is in project discussion, as to not spoil the part that isn't even started yet.  That was for the old concept development.

I've finished my windowskin (It's just a recolor of the default one, nothing major), as well as my edit (very minor) of the menustatus screen.
 

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