Askotheem: The Crystal Remedy

[Xephyr]

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/ ... otheem.jpg[/img]


MEGA UPDATE:
Custom characters made for Eccil, Hailie, and Seven.  Seven added to character section, more info posted on characters, updated screenshots posted, added more information and release dates (for after the contest)




Askotheem has recieved a big makeover.  I somehow made custom sprites for Eccil, Hailie, and Seven, and they actually look good!
The current progress is 100% grammar-mistake-free!
I've remapped and added maps to the entire starting town.
Added a couple new scripts.
Put face sets in the game instead of the message-box-over-character.
Redid the first dungeon's puzzle

Spoiler: Story

Once every 666 years, the god of Death, Pandora, unleashes a flurry of darkness upon the world.  The flurry of darkness searches the world for the perfect Avatar.  The Avatar would then become none other but the new Death.  Death would be forced to kill without purpose, without meaning.

He would only kill.


Eccil, a popular young man with a wonderful girlfriend, finds himself in a poor desert town under control of the hated Athians.  Their sole purpose is perfection, and anything not perfect, they would correct.  Eccil and his girlfriend Hailie sneak into the Athian fort in town, with hopes of overthrowing the Athians and running them out of town.

However, they find a terrible secret in the fort: a gleaming bottle with red fluid.  They identify it as the long-sought remedy to Pandora's spell, called Askotheem.  The bottle held by Eccil is the only bottle in the world.  They take it from the fort, and conceal it from the Athians.

The Askotheem lets off a powerful remedy of crystal dust, and anyone in the crystal dust is completely safe from Pandora's curse.  Eventually, the entire town comes in contact with the dust, and eventually, the world.

It's the 666th year.  The world is protected from Pandora's curse.  Pandora, in unspeakable rage, seeks out the accursed one that stopped her curse.  Eccil

Eccil tries to escape Pandora, and with the help of Hailie, a newly found friend in Death, and Jargo, they escape across the desert, in search of hope against Pandora's reign.

CHARACTERS

Spoiler: Eccil

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/Bulldawgboy2012/eccil.jpg[/img]

"Too sexy for my shirt"

Weapon: Gun

Personality: he's pretty outgoing.  He's not afraid to express his feelings, and he can be kind of cocky sometimes.

Spoiler: Hailie

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/Bulldawgboy2012/hailie.jpg[/img]


"You know you want this"

Weapon: Sword


Personality: she's pretty quiet, but in a way sort of a tomboy.  She was a rogue up until the Athians caught her and brought her to Wicheana Town.

Spoiler: Jargo

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/Bulldawgboy2012/jargo.jpg[/img]


"The ladies are all over me"

Weapon: n/a


Personality: Jargo's pretty....well, different.  He's a shopkeeper with mixed personalities. 

Spoiler: Seven

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/Bulldawgboy2012/seven.jpg[/img]

"Just because I'm young doesn't mean I cant kick you ASS"


Weapon: Spear

Personality: he's a normal teenager.  He wants to be accepted by the adults though, which is why he begins practicing with a spear. 

Spoiler: Screenshots

*UPDATED*

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/ ... creen1.jpg[/img]

Exploring the town, and having a conversation.


http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/ ... creen2.jpg[/img]

A new battle test, including different battle commands for each character.


http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/ ... creen3.jpg[/img]


The start of the first dungeon.  Also, showing off the ring menu system and the new sprites for Eccil and Hailie.


http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g144/ ... creen4.jpg[/img]

Talking to Seven.

PUBLIC RELEASE DATE: March 15th


I don't care if the contest judgings aren't finished, the game will be released on that day.

 

[Branden]

I got an opinion for you!!! And you better read it!!

Spoiler

I absolutly look forward to playing this. Keep up the good work.

 

[Xephyr]

I got an opinion for you!!! And you better read it!!

Spoiler

I absolutly look forward to playing this. Keep up the good work.

^_^^_^

hopefully the judges to the competition feel the same way.  *begins to foam at the mouth*  MUST.HAVE.VX


ehem.  sorry bout that.

Thanks for the comment =D

 

[Dagger]

Looks like I'm going to have some good compition ^_^, good luck with this, sounds great!

 

[Xephyr]

Thanks for the comments guys.


Also, there's a huge update.  Be sure to read up!


EDIT:
I abbreviated the topic title and it looks like Quintessence's >__________>
ah well.  anyone who thinks im trying to rip off Quintessence can go suck balls because these are two way different games.

 

[ganonfrog]

This looks like a decent game, but I'd like to give it a bitof critique if you're fine with it. Don't worry, I won't be harsh about it.

 

[Xephyr]

This looks like a decent game, but I'd like to give it a bitof critique if you're fine with it. Don't worry, I won't be harsh about it.

Go ahead.  Be as harsh as you want to.  I really wanna win this contest, so I need some extremely constructive criticism. 

 

[ganonfrog]

Once every 666 years, the god of Death, Pandora, unleashes a flurry of darkness upon the world.  The flurry of darkness searches the world for the perfect Avatar.  The Avatar would then become none other but the new Death.  Death would be forced to kill without purpose, without meaning.

He would only kill.

Okay, for one, this whole paragraph really bothered me. The whole idea of a generically evil God always struck me as an incredibly cheap move, and an easy way to explain why bad things are happening. It's basically like saying "Bad stuff is happening because evil things influenced them". It doesn't give any detail or explanation. It's just... a base.

Also, the whole 666 thing is just incredibly cheesy. XD Sorry to be so blunt.. but it is.

Eccil, a popular young man with a wonderful girlfriend, finds himself in a poor desert town under control of the hated Athians.  Their sole purpose is perfection, and anything not perfect, they would correct.  Eccil and his girlfriend Hailie sneak into the Athian fort in town, with hopes of overthrowing the Athians and running them out of town.

This part actually sounds rather interesting, but at the same time it kind of confused me. Maybe you could try elaborating more?

Beyond that, it seems pretty interesting, but seems like it has the risk of becoming rather repetitive and bland after Pandora goes after the main character. I trust that you have plans afterwards, but I'm just having trouble seeing where they could go.


In terms of graphics, the face maker faces kind of bother me, but there's probably not much you can do about that. *Shrugs* If you can get replacements, do, but if you can't, it won't be absolutely devestating.

The sprites look pretty good, but the thinned out eyes look kind of awkward from the side. Since they're so small, while the rest of the face is kind of on the large side, they wind up with a bit of a chubby look to them. Try maybe making the noses a little smaller.

They look really good from the front though. ^^


That's pretty much all I've got. I can't wait to see this come out, it looks like it has some potential.

 

[Xephyr]

Okay, for one, this whole paragraph really bothered me. The whole idea of a generically evil God always struck me as an incredibly cheap move, and an easy way to explain why bad things are happening. It's basically like saying "Bad stuff is happening because evil things influenced them". It doesn't give any detail or explanation. It's just... a base.

Also, the whole 666 thing is just incredibly cheesy. XD Sorry to be so blunt.. but it is.

I didn't plan on going into this, but oh well.
It would be revealed like as soon as Pandora is introduced =P


Pandora feeds off the essence of....death...if that makes sense.  When a person dies, she feasts on their soul @_@

And, 666...well...I couldn't think of anything else.  Putting something generic like "every 20 millenia" would be boring, so I won't with TEH SATIN!!!

Anyway, bad stuff happens because she needs a new Death to help her get food. Greedy bitch, ain't she?

This part actually sounds rather interesting, but at the same time it kind of confused me. Maybe you could try elaborating more?

Hmm..which part confuses you?

The Athians are ruled by a strict leader who is a perfectionist.  If they find something to be not perfect (for instance, Eccil's home town), they deploy troops there to mionitor the town.  If something seems totally not-perfect to them, they attack and toss em in the dungeons. 

Oh, and if you are confused about the part about Eccil and his girlfriend goin all "REBELLION!", the Athians had been there for about a decade.  Hailie was captured and tossed in the town a couple years after the Athians took control.  She used to be a rogue, so she's already badass, and Eccil had been training with a gun by an NPC you can talk to >_< =P

Beyond that, it seems pretty interesting, but seems like it has the risk of becoming rather repetitive and bland after Pandora goes after the main character. I trust that you have plans afterwards, but I'm just having trouble seeing where they could go.

They hurriedly leave the town, travel across the desert as fast as possible, and find some large ruins out in the middle of the desert.  It turns out to be a large catacomb connecting the entire world.  About 60% of the game takes place in the catacombs, hiding from Pandora, but at the same time having to go up and get supplies, cause, well, they need food =P

And, stuff happens in there.  It gets pretty tight.  =)

Hope that sheds some light on inconsistencies in the story.  I really mispelled that didnt i? >_>


EDIT:

oh, and I almost forgot.

The party also decides to try and research Askotheem in hopes of finding a way to fend off Pandora herself, instead of just her remedy.

Eventually they learn too much about Askotheem, and it leads to ((TEH FINAL BATTLEZZZ))

>_> normally, I would post what actually happens, but spoilers are NOT your friend.

 

[ganonfrog]

Hmm..which part confuses you?

The part you just explained. XD I'm good now, I get it now.

Alright. That's a bit of an improvement. The god thing still gets to me a little bit, but I think I can get over it. The rest sounds pretty fun.

 

[Xephyr]

Hmm..which part confuses you?

The part you just explained. XD I'm good now, I get it now.

Alright. That's a bit of an improvement. The god thing still gets to me a little bit, but I think I can get over it. The rest sounds pretty fun.

Thanks for the comments.

I'm gonna go get to work right now.  I still need to finish the Athian fort, which is supposed to be a tad big, so I need to get to work.

*runs off*

 

[Strayko]

Mind your grammar! It will look a lot better like that.
(Your only seventeen = You're only seventeen).

 

[The Urchin]

I just wanted to ask about the whole Avatar of Death part of the story.  I think you should explain a little more about it, not saying on your thread but in the game.  Make sure you give backgrounds, and include something about the previous Avatar of Death.  Because I don't think that the previous avatar would just vanish.  I just didn't see anything about the avatar in your post really except that Pandora needs a new one every 666 years so I just wanted to make sure you actually detailed history about the previous one and why Pandora needs a new one every 666 years.

 

[Xephyr]

There are lots of flashbacks.

I think thats all i have to say >_>

 

[The Urchin]

Honestlly I can't stand games with more than 3-5 flashbacks depending on how long they are.  I think that it's better to explain inside your story instead of having flashbacks that bring up something that could essentially be another game all together.  My point is that a few flashbacks are fine and even sometimes vital but once you get to a certain point your essentially showing us a whole other story which will take away from the original story.

So instead of having like 10-20 flashbacks, explain it in the original story in sort of a non-discrete way.  After all though you need the information about the specififc character the story isn't about him it's about the new one.  I find that by making the protagonist mention small things about the person (pandora talking of the last avatar;ei. "I only wish I wouldn't have had to kill the last Avatar of Death, he would have trully tested your powers."  So without a long extended flashback we now know that the antagonist killed the said character in mention)

 

[Xephyr]

You certainly make a good point, but the flashbacks will be short little scenes.  For instance, the first happens when you meet the new avatar, who is about to disappear.

The flashback shows that avatar in his original human form, and the old avatar, and shows what happens to that one and how he became the new avatar.

Confusing, but you'll understand soon enough =P


UPDATE:

A little bit has been changed in the story.  After finishing the Athian Fort, you arrive outside the town, where Hailie's old group of rogue friends are there.  Together, you swarm the city, taking out all the Athians you see.  Then, the curse arrives, and we move on from there.



BIG UPDATE
Well, since its Christmas, I'll be nice.


If there's anyone out there that wants a demo for Christmas (about 45 minutes long), tell me here or gimme a PM.

I AM ONLY GIVING OUT 3 DEMOS, AND THEY ARE NOT GOING TO STAFF OR ANYONE THAT MAY BE A JUDGE IN THE CONTEST


Thank you.