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Altaria: Deus ex Machina

The current RPG I'm working on is called Altaria: Deus ex Machina (DEM refers to a vital part of the storyline, and the character's ultima classes), If someone wants to provide advice/constructive criticism, feel free, after all..."A delayed game is a good game, a bad game is a bad game forever.", is a quote from Miyamoto.

Dylan: The young hero is the game, also the chosen one for the Mana Amulet, a mystical necklace related to the Mana Spirits. He has curly brown hair, brown eyes, semi dark skin, is 6'00" feet tall, and has a X shaped scar on his left palm. He is the son of Burl, who was the general for the Sable Army, but his father is deceased now and he is an earth type of adept.

Sylvester: A thief you meet deep in the sunken S.S. Titan. Deep in the S.S. Titan, Dylan and his ally gets ambushed by a group of unfriendly Sahagins. Sylvester comes out of nowhere, and saves Dylan and Matthew's lives. Sylvester asks to come along as he heard a weird noise in the room above. Sly is an ice type of adept.

April: April is a smart alecky girl who's also experienced in magic and developing machines. April is proficient in magic and machinery and is also an accomplished inventor. Later in the game, you get several gadgets made by her which actually serve in-game purposes such as viewing the soundtest. April is a water type of adept.

Burl: He was Dylan's Father, the General for the Sable Army, and the last Knight in the prophecy for the Mana Spirits. Not much is known about him at the beginning, and his cause of death is unknown. Through several flashbacks, you actually get to play as Burl for a short bit.

The Mana Spirits: The Mana Spirits, which are considered Deities on Altaria, and the seven of them created Altaria together. Flame, Terra, Aqua, Ice, Wind, Lumen, and Caliga they are. Like most Gods, they keep watch on humanity, answering his prayers, protecting his kind when they need it, giving gifts to those worthy of it, and punishing the sinned. But, lately, bizarre unnatural incidents have been happening on Altaria.

Edmund: Edmund is the top general of the army for a large castle town located on a continent in the middle of Altaria, ironically sitting right on top of a lost under-water civilization. However, Edmund is not happy being the general of this nation's army. He plans to murder the ruler, and once done; take over the nation. Edmund is the power hungry fool type and will stop at nothing to gain even more power. During the rare chances you get to play him, Edmund is a fire adept.
The Adepts: 100s of years ago, when supposedly humans began to evolve from their primate ancestors, as a side-effect from the hunter/gatherer theory, humans began to develop the ability to control the elements and nature slowly. When humans became aware of this, they began to call themselves Adept (I've played Golden Sun, so I'm playing homage to it), which is a word that means "very able" or "skill". Eventually, this exstradonary skill began to branch out into more specific forms: the ability to convert natural materials into spheres full of the elements, which the Adepts dubbed Auguries and these spheres where used to utilize their natural abilities with ease without any cost except for the Auguries themselves, and they found a way to fuse them with weapons and armor, giving them strange properties.

Main Plot: Legends.. all worlds have stories, stories that become legends, and eventually myths. They become forgotten overtime. Some believe in them, others are skeptical of them and believe them to be total nonsense, but this story is much, much different. The story you are about to delve into will be remembered for all eternity, as reality.

There exists in the world, many lands, but the people of the land of Altaria -- a generally peaceful land -- is quite different in that it relies on the power of seven Mana Sprites (I said sprites instead of spirits because it makes a little more sense) to sustain the balance of nature, and to obtain the sustenance, resources, and life they need to exist in their world. These seven Mana Sprites obtain their pervasive supernatural power from seven elements as aura essences that when apart balance Altaria, but when taken from their proper homes cause cataclysm.

These seven sprites are the sprite of Immolation and Flame, with its power of justice and fire it rids the world of evil creatures. The sprite of the Earth that maintains land for people to walk on and harvest from. The sprite of Water that fills the earth with nutrients and provides the people with drink, as well as a great force of nature to summon with. The sprite of the Storms that can turn even the smallest zephyr into a storm of torrents and gales to protect all other forces of nature. The sprite of Pure Hoarfrost, that can calm other forces with cold fusion, freezing their crazed powers and creating a balance between power and peace. And lastly the two twin sprites of Light and Darkness. The crepuscular powers of Acerbus -- the Sprite of Darkness -- are, or were, in a never ending war with the scintillant powers of Lumina -- the sprite of Light.
World Map: The World Map, duh. Where you access the actual areas, and such.
Sable Village: The starting town in the game. It's where Dylan grew up for most of his life, and the village relies on a crop that relies on wind strength to grow.
The Forest Path: A small forest path that is very close to SV, it currently has no use, except for the random encounters with The Golden Frog. You have to cut through this forest to reach the Sable Graveyard.
Sable Forest: A forest south of Sable Village, it is much larger than TFP, and winds on for several miles, past it is the Sable Graveyard.
Sable Graveyard: Where any of the deceased Sable villagers are buried. Dylan's Father was buried here, along with other people. Though...something is hidden under Burl's tomb...
Sable Windmill: A ten story high windmill, that Sable Village relies on, unfortunately, it has stopped functioning completely, preventing Sable's famed crop from growing.
Sevil: A medium port town east pf Sable. Know for their commodity in fish, however their catches haven't been good, as lately, something has spooked the fish, and scared them offf.
S.S. Titan: A ship that used to carry minerals, metals, and jewels from Sable to Sevil, and back and forth. Due to, one day; the S.S. Titan end up sinking northwest of Sevil for no apparent reason. Now, in the present age....it has mysterious rose out of the ocean. Perhaps this what spooked the fish?
Claw Jungle: A wide jungle on a island southeast of Sevil. Houses the ? Villages, and the Mana Tree, and is rather infamous for it's item/weapon/armor stealing monkeys.
? Village: A ancient village located in the west part of the jungle. They are a rather primitive people, but speak of a local legend of a brown and green sphere that caused the vegetation of the island to flourish 100s of years ago.
The Mana Tree: The location of the Mana Tree used to a ancient pagan earth worshiping temple before it was destroyed by a earthquake 100 years ago or so. Now, it's ruins have been swallowed by a giant hollow tree.
*Skill Techs (WIP): Besides skills learned by leveling up and special skills (such as the Blue Mage or Summoner which uses an AP system), the party also has Skill Techs, designed like Techs from Chrono Trigger. Basically, their special skills that require the needed MP and characters in the party. One example is Freeze Blade: April casts an Ice spell, causing a large chunk of ice to fly up into the sky. Dylan jumps up and strikes at the chunk of ice, splitting it into several sharp pieces; which fall to strike the enemies. Inflicts medium defense ignored ice damage and 25% change of Frozen.
*Power Panels: These computer devices appear in Inns after you obtain your first job switch in the game. They allow for special functions like character switching, job changing, checking your quest journal, and teleporting to different inns. The Power Panels also have an extras section, similar to the Extras feature from the DS version of CT.
*The Auguries: The Auguries where oringally a concept that was scrapped during pre-game development, and because of some strange turns; it will be reimplemented. According to in-game information, the Auguries are the source of all magick in Altaria and are now a vital part of life. Auguries are used to cast magic instead of MP, used to forge special weapons and armor; and last but not least use Augury-less cost spells to covert items into Auguries.
*Class System: Although the class system isn't entirely original, the whole former class system has been removed. Although the character's still maintain their class archtype, they now have a sub-class which they also learn skills from (often something weird or unique, like along with Dylan's warrior-esque skills, he learns some time magic, terra magic, and healing magick) and most of the playable characters now possess adept abilities. Now, also each character has a summon set. Still, scroll items have been introduced; which allow the party to learn skills of certain FF classes. A few special classes have been also kept intact.
There are three upgrade points, starting at Lvl 30, Lvl 60, and the last, at level 90. Also, four special Ultima-esque style classes require the four characters to be at Lvl 100.
*Battle System: Instead, MP is not used at all; the Auguries are used as a cost for casting magick.
*Skill System: Plain as snow too, except for the scripted/evented skills, will be improved. Either will be a standard one, or I bring back the small Mana Spheres which can be fused, and used to create spells, like FF:CC.
Battle System Designer(0/3): All Three Slots Open
Skill System Designer(0/3): All Three Slots Open
Scripter(0/3): All Three Slots Open
Class System Designer(0/3): All Three Slots Open
Spriter/Graphic Designer(1/3): Ryujin, Two More Slots Open
Music Composer(0/3): All Three Slots Open
Director: Miles Castea (Me)
Co-Writer: CrymsenTears
Graphic Designers: Ryujin
Special Thanks: Enterbrain for the awesome RPG Maker X-P
Whole Demo: Around 60 to 80 %.
Whole Game: 25%.
Locations
World Map: 30%
Sable Village: 100%.
The Forest Path: 100%.
Sable Forest: 100%
Sable Graveyard: 100%
Sable Windmill: 100%
Sevil: 65%
S.S. Titan: 95%
Claw Jungle: 10%
? Village: 0%
The Mana Tree: 0%
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altariaiuserbar.png

altariabutton.png
 
Story: Your story is unoriginal and boring to say the least. You have no orginality whatsoever in your story. It honestly sounds like Zelda with an added element and some machines. Actually think about your story. Do something no one else has thought of. Give us something that actualy take a little bit of thought. Your characters are just as dull as your story. They are cliche and unoriginal. You have the chosen hero, the best friend, the girlfriend, and the mysterious thief. This has already been done before.

Graphics: Your mapping is bad. You have way too much symemetrical mapping going on in your maps and too much open space. Your interiors are WAY too big. Shrink them down. Fill alot of that blank space up with trees and other scenery. I suggest also taking a look at some pictures of forests and whatnot because a lot of your maps dont make sense when it comes to the logic of mapping. You also do mot set a mood in your mapping. With mapping, there needs to be an adjetive. Instead of a forest, you should have a creepy forest or a happy forest, not just a forest. An example of where you make this mistake is that ship. That ship isnt creepy, its sunny and inhabited. Also, why would your character be smiling if he thought the ship was creepy.

Your world map is awful. Continents dont look like that, the wind and are not straight. Also, it is unrealistic. There is a giant circle that you can throw a stone in yet there is a tower that should be bigger than that stone circle. This again is basic logic that you do not see. I also didnt think you could make a bad faceset in the character generator but you proved me wrong there.

Other: You should clean up you first post as everything is jumbled together and it is very hard to read. Not only that, it is an eyesore as well.

Your story is cliche, your mapping isnt well done and overall you have a typical boring game that we see a lot of. You have nothing that stands out and no originality. Think outside the box with your story. Make a storyboard. I would also read some tutorials on mapping as your mapping needs some work as well.
 
Miles Castea":3j4pb6xg said:
You know, I might just give up on this project.

No, you wont. This is practice and pracice makes perfect. You thinki people get good over night. No, they practice. Im telling you what is wrong so you can fix it. I may be harsh but this is the truth, and the truth isnt flowers and butterflies all the time. Just practice. do as what I said above and overtime Im sure you can make this project better. :)
 
I know I could probably improve with the mapping (though I'm terrific with eventing), I'm horrible with writing. I wouldn't be able to improve the plot even if I tried.
 
Adding to what Baconator said, no one doesn't improve. We all can and we all do. You may be horrible with writing now, but you can improve that if you tried hard. If every idea you think of come out cliche, twist it around and make it unique. Your writing style right now isn't bad, and you have good grammar and spelling skills. Use them and do your best to improve. If you just give up and lose hope, you'll never be able to accomplish anything.

I understand because I was once in your place. I was horrible at EVERYTHING. My mapping was the worst of all, my writing was...terrible. My eventing was very poor. I couldn't sprite a pixel.

Now I am pretty good at mapping, I wrote 2 novels and two short stories, and my eventing is pretty good and my spriting is getting better. You say you have awesome eventing skills, so that's great! Now work on your writing and mapping and don't give up. Practice makes perfect! :>
 
Post your writings in the literary analysis! :> Write a short story and post it, people will tell you where to improve. Write more, using what you have learned and eventually you'll get better and better! For mapping, there is the mapping improvement thread. :D

Practice makes perfect, remember! :D
 

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