2 poems

[uresk]

I've been writing poetry for a while, but never really showed it to anyone. (English is not my first language)

Incomplete
There's something missing in my life
And I don't know who rolled the dice

Suffering
While in my bed
Suffering
Inside my head
Suffering
Want to be dead

What's missing in my life?
Was I the one who rolled the dice?

Waiting
Takes me away
Waiting
It's a rainy day
Waiting
Till we reach May

There's something missing in my life
This time there'll be no dice

Not to you
I'm sick of you and your angry mood
It'd feed Africa if it were food
Always arriving late, never with a smile
I'm glad you only stay for a while

The words that come out of your mouth
Make me want to run South
Only far, far away, will I be laughing
knowing that you mean nothing

 

[Whiskey Dick]

My advice would be to try writing a poem without rhyming any of it.  The first flows like a song and probably would be better as lyrics to a song.

"It'd feed Africa if it were food" <- bad line.

But I'm no Bill Shakespeare!

 

[Surmuck]

Never sure how to react to people who post saying English isn't their first language. Oh well!

Suffering
While in my bed
Suffering
Inside my head
Suffering
Want to be dead

Just sort of a lame thing to say, unoriginal bland poetry. Mostly quoted this to make the comparison to this:

Waiting
Takes me away
Waiting
It's a rainy day
Waiting
Till we reach May

The way their put together just implies they should follow the same rhyming structure, and they do not. Ruins the poem for me.

There's something missing in my life
This time there'll be no dice

'Same as the beginning' (anyone want to fill me on the actual word for that?) endings only work some of the time. Your example is not one of those times.
---

I'm sick of you and your angry mood
It'd feed Africa if it were food
Always arriving late, never with a smile
I'm glad you only stay for a while

The words that come out of your mouth
Make me want to run South
Only far, far away, will I be laughing
knowing that you mean nothing

Totally meaningless 'haha-i-don't-like-you-poetry' because you made it meaningless - not because all 'haha-i-don't-like-you-poetry' is poor.

-Surmuck
Who can only give one good review a night.

 

[uresk]

@Whiskey Dick
I actually just post it there because I find it very funny.  :smile:

@Surmuck
The first one is too Emo for me too, I actually wrote it in my bed because I had a huge headache and couldn't fall asleep.
I wasn't really inspired on the 'Waiting' part (sorry that it ruined the poem for you)
Also, poem two is about a dear childhood friend for whom I care a lot. ( I was mad at her at the time I wrote it)
So it's not

Totally meaningless 'haha-i-don't-like-you-poetry'

It's more like Totally meaningless 'I'm mad at you know, but everything will become fine'

So here's more totally meaningless poetry:
untitled
My love for you is not like that
I can't give the words back!
For a secret I'm not ready
It's my life, I'll keep it steady.
Those words won't return
Maybe you'll find out and I'll burn
Deep in my eyes the truth I hide
Mixed with green and brown dye
Took your self-esteem with my lies
Now we both live in disguise

 

[Surmuck]

You misunderstood me. I'm not saying the content of the poem is meaningless, I'm saying the way it was written makes it non-impactual, and thus meaningless

Part of writing poetry is inspiring the same feelings you feel in others.