Dead Content Helimunda: TCM

[Saphara]

Helimunda: The Cursed Mark

Spoiler: Story

When the Earth was created by the Gods, Hexas, the God of Torment created a virus called the Helimunda. It grants the user ultimate power; but once caught, the friends and family of the diseased die. There is No Cure.

You are a young man Called Shinn. You are a Guardian; a highly ranked officer. You go on a mission to the Tolkia Region to find a mass murderer, but after killing him, Shinn Contracts the Helimunda. Without knowing, he travels the world, watching as 1 by 1, his friends all die. As war breaks out between the Regions, Shinn is forced to fight for his country, his friends, and eventually the Whole World.

Spoiler: Characters

Shinn Akasuki
Age:19
Element: Thunder
A young, laid-back Guardian with tremendous agility, gets involved in something much larger than he can handle.. He takes everything lightly and doesn't put much effort into anything. At childhood he was trained by a top Guardian. After watching the death of his mentor and family. His only goal is to kill the murderer.

Gara Tema
Age:23
Element: Wind
He is very short-tempered, but very strong. He Becomes Shinn's Closest friend. He was born a Noble; A great family of the Garet Region. He is a famous Guardian for fighting on the Front Lines of the Yari-Garet War. Said to of killed his brother at the end of the war.

Menos
Age:37
Element: Thunder
He is said to be the strongest thing alive. Maybe even as strong as the Gods.

Yamus Kala
Age:18
Element: Fire
A young, care-free man who lives in a small village off the mountains. He was born and raised as a hunter there. Though his girlfriend Malory has to save him mostly.

Malory Riggs
Age:16
Element: Ice
A feisty young girl who spends most of her time shouting at Yamus or saving him from monsters in the mountains.

Turma Song
Age:???
Element: Darkness
Not much is known about him. He seems to have a bad past with Kira.

Sasha Isualre
Age:19
Element: Water
A young elf girl. Lives in a small village in the middle of the Faithí mountain. She admires Shinn for the way he respects females. An unknown force is hidden within her.

Spoiler: Screenshots

http://img202.imageshack.us/img202/9843/89463234.jpg[/img]

Spoiler: Features

Sideview Battle
Gems Shop
Overdrives
Caterpillar Script

Spoiler: Download

http://www.mediafire.com/?jynwmzz4dnw

Give Me Some Advice For My Game Please

 

[friend]

"It grants the user ultimate power; but once caught, the friends and family on the diseased die. There is No Cure."

Ok err, I find this passage confusing.

Who is the "diseased"? Unless you are saying that getting infected with the virus gives them powers.

 

[bacon]

Okay. First off, remember that your thread is like your project's hub. Try to make it as appealing and as detailed as possible. Its a real turn-down when people open the story section and see to very brief paragraphs.

Story: I like the disease idea, however I don't get how there is some epic story behind this or how one can develop. Is he looking for the cure of the disease? In my opinion, he wouldn't have enough time to do so. Not only that, how? Killing a mega monster should not be the cure of a disease, its cliche and uninspiring. I think you have a decent idea, but you can't take it anywhere without making it unoriginal. The characters also look dull. You have the main protagonist, the best friend, and the brute. All you need is a quite magician to finish this off and you have a gang of uninspiring characters. Think outside of the box, give each one of the characters personality.

Media: So far, the screenies look far from swell. The desert area is boring. There is nothing going on, its boring to look at. The first one is a mess. Don't use every tile. Make sure to use tiles that go well together. Also make sure to make your maps less blocky overall. There is not much to comment about.

Gameplay/other: First off, why does each character have an element. Please remember to only have a character element if it is super significant to the story. Other than that, its cliche. Again, not much to comment on.

Conclusion: This thread is bare. You need to lure people into your game, not just briefly summarize it. Not only that, what you have isn't very original nor very creative. Your story and characters seem dull, the maps could use some works, and there is nothing really that makes this project over shine the rest of the projects here.

 

[moxie]

Hi Sephara. I haven't downloaded the demo, but I'll comment on what I can.

Your topic is very sparse. Even if you have a fully-realized world with fleshed out characters we have no way of knowing, because you give us little to no information. I understand that you may want to use your topic to stir up hype and to not give any spoilers away to potential, but keep in mind that we're here for criticism more than anything. The more detail, the better.

Your characters are very bland, at least as far as what we're seeing here. I'm not demanding a three page diagram detailing everything about them, from their childhood friends to what they had for breakfast a couple of weeks ago - but something besides a single sentence would be nice. More about their personality, their motivations, how they interact with the other characters, how they grow during the course of the story, etc.

One thing that helps me is finding one of those online questionnaire things, something like this one. That one's pretty in-depth with a few unnecessary questions (Why do we need to know their favorite food?) but you see what I mean. Going through one of those quizzes and answering from the perspective of the characters can go a long way towards helping you flesh them out.

 

[Saphara]

Hi Sephara. I haven't downloaded the demo, but I'll comment on what I can.

Your topic is very sparse. Even if you have a fully-realized world with fleshed out characters we have no way of knowing, because you give us little to no information. I understand that you may want to use your topic to stir up hype and to not give any spoilers away to potential, but keep in mind that we're here for criticism more than anything. The more detail, the better.

Your characters are very bland, at least as far as what we're seeing here. I'm not demanding a three page diagram detailing everything about them, from their childhood friends to what they had for breakfast a couple of weeks ago - but something besides a single sentence would be nice. More about their personality, their motivations, how they interact with the other characters, how they grow during the course of the story, etc.

One thing that helps me is finding one of those online questionnaire things, something like this one. That one's pretty in-depth with a few unnecessary questions (Why do we need to know their favorite food?) but you see what I mean. Going through one of those quizzes and answering from the perspective of the characters can go a long way towards helping you flesh them out.

Thanks For The Advice. I've added a more details to the sotry and the characters, except Menos. :P

 

[Saphara]

BUMP!
New Updates to the Game. Hope You Enjoy.

 

[Saphara]

BUMP!
Ya'Know, It's Kinda Hard to Improve If No-one gives more advice.

 

[coyotecraft]

I'll have more to say once I finish downloading it an get a change to play it.
You should elaborate on the symptoms of the virus.

Reading between the lines here and taking a guess with what information you've provided. The virus is passed on by killing someone who has it. You said "without knowing", so he doesn't know he has the virus. Obviously some of his party members are going to die while traveling with him. I noticed there weren't any earth or light characters listed. At some point while traveling Main Character learns that a victim of the mass murder had the virus, which would mean he now has the virus. Unless he noticed his "ultimate" power before then.
I imagine theres a bad guy out there, who doesn't care for friends and family, that would love to get his hands on that virus.
End boss is going to be the god Hexas who can't compete with the "ultimate" power of his own creation.

Edit: I download it twice but everytime I get an error while extracting.

 

[coyotecraft]

Anyone else have a problem unpacking the game?

 

[Saphara]

This Current Game Has Been Put to a Break.
I won't be working on this game as much, due to hard school studies and a new game.
As If anyone would care, but feel free to comment on the recent demo